Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

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SandorAnna
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Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:16 pm

Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by SandorAnna » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:29 am

Hello,
I am citizen of Serbia and Hungary, I was married to Finnish citizen.
On 26th of January I was victim of domestic violence, I lived two months in shelter home with my that time 3-5 months old baby.
The case of violence has been solved by mediation, the divorce process is over, the custody battle is on.

1. While I was in shelter home, my ex took all my belongings from our Helsinki apartment to his new home in Sahalahti. During one year I managed to get back 90% of my stuff the rest he declines to give me back in the question is jewelrys what I got from my family, I reported it to police and they closed the case with word against word.

2. From 03.01.2017. until 10.02.2018 my child was forbidden to travel to his birth place and to visit my/his family. We couldn’t go family celebration neither to say final Goodbye to my grandmother. Since 10.02 until now we were allowed to visit my family only two times, one time for 10 days another time 7days. Our traveling depends on good will of my ex but he doesn’t want that the child born in Serbia visits his family there. Since 03.01.2017. my mother spent 18 weeks in Finland because she wants to be with us ( she hates to be in Finland, for her health the weather is really bad and she is suffering here, all her bones are in pain) while family of my ex has not a single time visited us - whenever I asked their help when I was sick and needed a help with child they declined to help.

3. The father of my child has skipped 70% of the meetings, he cannot be forced to visit the child regularly but I am forced to give the child to him. The Daycare, the Family support (Perheneuvola) told to father that he is traumatized our child with his actions but neither him, neither child protection cared about their opinion. My ex use our baby as a tool of revenge against me, if he would love to child he would never act as he is acting now.

4. In March 2018 my ex was violent again against me in front of our child. I reported it to police and I have a doctor’s statement. When my embassy contacted the police to ask when will the proces end the answer was that they will resolve the case until 2023. I asked the child protection for supervised meetings between the child and father but they have done nothing.

5. At home I have my own house, car, work and most importantly a safety network for the child and myself, in Finland I am a social case without work and safety network, standing alone and fighting for my child and our safety. My ex is a product group manager in Lantmännen Agro with his family behind him. In Serbia the CEO position is waiting for me.

6. I wish for the single custody so that I can give my child a proper safe life what I can not do in Finland. No one can stand alone. And my ex is not helping at all but the opposite. I offered the father to let us move and we can have a contract that he can visit the child whenever he wants and the child can be yearly 12 weeks in Finland after adapting periods with father ( the child is now 21 months old) and when child starts to go to school 80% of the holidays he can be with father in Finland. My ex declined it and he said that he will make sure that I will suffer and that the child won’t be in touch with my family, language and culture.

7. The court is clearly on his side and the child protection should be named father protection.

I simply don’t know what to do?! No one cared that the Daycare, doctor has made a report against the father, no one is reacting. I hate to live in Finland and my ex knew it that is why he has promised that we will move to Hungary, but everything was a lie



Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

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Cory
Posts: 3658
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2003 11:51 pm
Location: Turku

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by Cory » Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:55 am

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone.
I'm sure you're on Facebook. There is a private group page called "Expats in Finland for Our Kids" with 100's of people in various stages of divorce, separation, etc. Please check into it because you will find support from many others in there.
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rinso
Posts: 3724
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:22 pm

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by rinso » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:55 am

What I get from your story is that you did all the right things and that you are cooperative for finding a solution. But the father is sabotaging it and child services is not intervening. The last is strange since they normally will look primary to the interest of the child.
Try to analyse the situation and your and his actions through a unbiased perspective and look for reasons why they would support the father. And since it seems that you cannot influence the situation by yourself, seek professional legal advice. Good luck.


LemonDixie
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:10 am

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by LemonDixie » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:18 am

Hi Cory is it possible you could post/send an invite or link to Expats in Finland for Our Kids. Ive tried sesrching for it and cant find it 🤔


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Cory
Posts: 3658
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2003 11:51 pm
Location: Turku

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by Cory » Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:14 pm

LemonDixie wrote:
Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:18 am
Hi Cory is it possible you could post/send an invite or link to Expats in Finland for Our Kids. Ive tried sesrching for it and cant find it 🤔
Just looked. At the moment, the group is dealing with a privacy issue and the admin is not accepting any new members. May be a reason it is not showing in a search.
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LemonDixie
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:10 am

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by LemonDixie » Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:40 pm

Thanks. Will you let me know when its accepting members again ?


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Cory
Posts: 3658
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2003 11:51 pm
Location: Turku

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by Cory » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:11 am

LemonDixie wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:40 pm
Thanks. Will you let me know when its accepting members again ?
PM sent to you re contact name for this FB group
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FinnGuyHelsinki
Posts: 853
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:52 pm

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by FinnGuyHelsinki » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:25 am

SandorAnna wrote:
Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:29 am
I simply don’t know what to do?!
If you haven't already, hire a lawyer specialized in custody cases (which you should've done when things started to go wrong). A layperson cannot really battle against the officials and expect to win. It is very easy to do or say something that will actually hurt one's case, due to which it's best that the lawyer handles ALL communication with the officials and the father (i.e. do not discuss ANY aspects of your case on your own).


LemonDixie
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:10 am

Re: Single custody / Legal discrimination of Finnish officials

Post by LemonDixie » Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:43 am

Cory wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:11 am
LemonDixie wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:40 pm
Thanks. Will you let me know when its accepting members again ?
PM sent to you re contact name for this FB group
Hi Cory, it appears no pm has arrived yet.. must be somewhere in the ethernet :)


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