AM I CRAZY FOR WANTING TO MOVE TO FINLAND/

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Difficulty moving to FINLAND

Extremely
10
17%
HARD
19
32%
MEDIUM
17
29%
EASY
4
7%
DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
9
15%
 
Total votes: 59

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pierrot
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Re: AM I CRAZY FOR WANTING TO MOVE TO FINLAND/

Post by pierrot » Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:14 pm

turbodank23 wrote:(...) But she does not think it is good for me to move in while she is highschool does anyone agree? (...) I am young 20 and so is she, she is 18 CRAZY? YOU TELL ME ????????? =)


I hate to be the guy that bursts the bubble, but what exactly do you want to live from? Especially while she is at highschool, she has no spare money at all to help you, and i doubt her parents will be delighted to finance their daughter´s boyfriend.
I think your main reason to move to finland is because you miss her, not because you want to live with her forever (you are both very young, and you met under special circumstances - at school, no stress about work, money or everyday life-. How many times did you meet her in Finland already (and i dont mean just for a week or two, i mean for a longer period like one or two months during holidays)? Its important to meet someone you love in their surroundings for a longer time. Often people tend to be different abroad or away from their family/friends as they are at home, as they dont have the social pressure abd control they feel they have at home. This often creates impressions on others which dont reflect reality but merely an image one wants to give of himself.

My advice would be to stay where you are for now and first manage to know each other better (one year is nothing). In the meanwhile, you can take more finnish-lessons and find out what you could do in finland to make some money. Look what jobs would be interesting for you and find a job according to that.
Dont just go there, especially not when she said she is not 100% behind you if you move there.


Here in Finland, I have done everything I can to blend-in with the Finns, I've changed my hair color, wore differnet clothes, got different

Re: AM I CRAZY FOR WANTING TO MOVE TO FINLAND/

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PeterF
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Re: AM I CRAZY FOR WANTING TO MOVE TO FINLAND/

Post by PeterF » Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:30 pm

turbodank23 wrote: But she does not think it is good for me to move in while she is highschool does anyone agree? I kinda understand why but I to get over there as soon as possible.)


If I understand correctly..you intend to live with her and her parents..."moving to espoo with her and her family !"
I can understand why she is not to happy about that idea. :roll:
She hates the thoughts of Dads knowing grins and wise cracks as you two disappear towards the bed room.

Then also remember she is only 18 you are only 20...young love has a low survival rating ..especialy with cultural/language/employment/financial problems to over come. She is no doubt getting some influence fed to her my her family and friends. e.g. "Slow down take it step by step!"
In her parents minds they see sets of problems to balance.
Her short term happiness (being with you) and her long term prospects..getting an education/qualifications so she can make a career for herself without the distraction of you hanging around her and distracting her from her studies.
What are your prospects? they ask themsleves...answers are not likely to enthuse them.
If you could improve that area then I would say..give it all you have got.
But with no job prospect, her parents not too happy, her having some doubts..both of you being so young...my advice..make a few more visits..see how things pan out.
That is from my head...but...from my heart I know that you have probably already decided that you are moving here asap. So why bother asking us!
Good luck.


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Hank W.
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Post by Hank W. » Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:52 pm

Yeah, if she is cramming for the matriculation exams she won't want any distractions there. Finnish matriculation examination is not like a SAT. It is an ordeal by water and fire. If you screw up in those, you'll end up as a toilet attendant in a McDonalds... (well, figuratively speaking).

If you get to Haaga you can get a student commune flat. Its good to be independent.
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.


TrishPaakkonen
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Post by TrishPaakkonen » Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:05 pm

I can't add much to what has already been said by many here. BUT ...As the mom of 5( and an American married to a Finn and now residing in Espoo), I think if our daughter in high school wanted a boyfriend to move it, Id be completely against it.As someone pointed out,there is school work and so forth to concentrate on.

Okay, so let's assume , instead, you plan to find your own place . Rents are very high here compared to the states. Food is more expensive and jobs....... hmmmm....spend some time reading some of the posts here to see just how hard jobs can be to find. Im talking from experience.( Yale grad and currently unemployed for 6 months.)

I wouldnt even begin to consider moving here unless you have a dependable means of supporting yourself.

One last thing:

Before moving here, I had visited Finland many many times over the years. I have discovered that it is quite a different story actually living here. Finland is completely different from the US , both in good and bad ways.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Trish

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TrishPaakkonen
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Post by TrishPaakkonen » Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:07 pm

[quote="Hank W."] If you screw up in those, you'll end up as a toilet attendant in a McDonalds... (

THANKS for the job lead Hank!!! :)


Slothrop
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Post by Slothrop » Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:11 pm

I must apologise. I didn't read the blurb carefully enough and particularly the age and circs you describe.

Forget the flippant stuff about November (until it becomes relevant in a few years' time), and hold back on the visit for a while. Some good advice has been offered up there.
"Passion is inversely proportional to the amount of real information available" (Benford's Law of Controversy)


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Post by dusty_bin » Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:05 pm

This is going to sound waaay patronising, but WTF!

You are a kid, she is a child. Not in years, but in stage of life.

She is a schoolkid, albeit coming to the end. You are a kid because you are a dependent. Having read the above you will now disregard the rest!!!!

Youhave no real way to make a life together. Living with her parents in a typical Finnish home wil be hell. Of course she does not want it. I bet she does not actually want to get an apartment with you either!

If she met youina couple of years, perhpas it might work out, but for now? Fuggedabut it. You will arrive here, live on your own in apartment for students, she will visit once or twice a week, youwill feel lonely. You will realise that American education whilst great at University, did not prepare you for what you will be doing here. You will have no money. After three months you will have the big row with your girl, who by now will have gotten fed up with being with a guy who has no money, moans about life here and shows every sign of not getting on with his studies. You will break up, she will meet an attractive Italian exchange student and arrange to do an exchange to Milan and you will go back to the USA thinking all finns are f%^$£"£s.

That's your future right now...
You want it?
You got it.

If you really want to do this, go to university in the US, or as best as your current qualifications allow. Look for an exchange programme to FInland. Sign up and come for a semester, or a year. You will almost certainly be able to get grants, you will be given a decent place to live, you will go to a decent school, but nobody will care if you do not work too hard.
If after a few months, you deide to stay, apply for a transfer, or apply to a new course and transfer the credits. You will still break up with the girl, but with resources and motivation, you will soon find another flaxen haired beauty from the clone factory up near Oulu. (They disguise it as a pulp mill, but WE KNOW!;) )


That is a better future, and who knows, if you do things right (Finns are very practical) you might even get to keep the girl, if that is what you want...


Miss Jones
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Post by Miss Jones » Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:34 pm

Just a suggestion, is there any chance that your girlfriend will move to the US when she has finished her exams? Her reply might tell you a lot.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I took a chance on a long distance relationship and moved here. It worked out better than I could have expected but things for me were much easier, both in coming here, living here, and having a get-out-of-jail-free-card if it all went pear-shaped!


PeterF
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Post by PeterF » Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:41 pm

Well::How do you feel now..confused at best...angry with some of us at worst...?
Look at the vote..Zero say it will be easy..but then nothing which is realy worth anything ever is..and we are by and large trying to give you sensible advice. Even for those of us who were older and wiser and came with a nice bank deposit and a ready and waiting job and flat...it was not easy.
Only 30% say is will only be medium difficult.
By a large majority the opinion is that it is either hard/very hard..or impossible.
I stick by my earlier advice: Come again for a visit asap for the full three months allowed on a visitors visa...
Come again next November and sample the worst time of the year here.
You will then both be almost a year older/wiser.
Go home and give it some more thought..then decide if you should move here!


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Hank W.
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Post by Hank W. » Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:42 pm

TrishPaakkonen wrote: Rents are very high here compared to the states. Food is more expensive


On the other hand tuition fees are cheap :mrgreen:
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.


TrishPaakkonen
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Post by TrishPaakkonen » Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:46 pm

yes Hank BUT what good is low or free tuition if you dont have a roof over your head?

Trish :))

But you do have a point :)


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Hank W.
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Post by Hank W. » Thu Feb 05, 2004 4:00 pm

You have an X amount of money. In USA 90% goes to tuition, 10% to rent & food. In Finland 50% goes to rent, 50% to food... same X amount of money is needed, but its not like 90% tuition +50% rent +50% food...
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.


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turbodank23
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Post by turbodank23 » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:15 pm

thanks for input I guess for some of you. A little bit on the mean side but life is not nice I guess. I plan on coming over this summer for 7-9 weeks to take some finnish classes maybe get a part time job. I still have a car to pay off so I am coming back to states and working my ass off till she is done with her Final exams in febuary. That way it gives us some time to know each other and where we want to go with each other. Yes I know we are young but I mean come on not everyone who is young seperates. I am going to take it slow actually real slow she also said she is not to crazy about moving to states but would consider doing it for us . I still got alot of time to get my finances in better shape. I will be attending Haaga in the fall 2005 is what im going for so were looking like a year and a half. I wouldnt make a 3.5 year commitment that quick that just stupid. I am going to see where are relationship goes in the next year then we will see then so wish me luck SERIOUSLY WISH ME LUCK "DUSTY BIN" ok thanks all of you
Last edited by turbodank23 on Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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turbodank23
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Post by turbodank23 » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:19 pm

Also her parents are very ok with it as long as I wait till she is done with final exams. I also would never let them finance me I will be paying some rent money to them for the basics food , water, me just being there! I won't become a nusiance to them or there family. I have already talked to them and will again about moving in. I seem angry but I am content. I dont know about anyone else but I would never at the age of 20 let some take care of me just so I could be with there daughter.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemingway


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Tom and Jerry

Re: reply

Post by Tom and Jerry » Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:36 pm

turbodank23 wrote:Also her parents are very ok with it as long as I wait till she is done with final exams. I also would never let them finance me I will be paying some rent money to them for the basics food , water, me just being there! I won't become a nusiance to them or there family. I have already talked to them and will again about moving in. I seem angry but I am content. I dont know about anyone else but I would never at the age of 20 let some take care of me just so I could be with there daughter.


Well, if you are willing to pay some rent and if you already have talked to them, then it is all arranged isn't it? Take the next plane and come to Finland. Wow. You are not a child anymore, are you?


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