Hi There,
I have not posted here for a very long time but I kept reading and it's good to see that everyone seem fine. Our moove to the UK went fine and the 3 of us are quite happy with it so far. Chloe started the day care 2 weeks ago and she seems to be doing well there. But since then she started a new game at home which is to be absolutely stuck to me:
If I drop her: cries, If dad trys to comfort or play or whatever: cries. The solution for this is that I go down on the floor with her, play for a while, try to catch her interest with a toy she likes and put her in a position where she can see me when I am doing other stuff. I find all this pretty time consuming and exhausting in case I try to let her cry for a moment.
It is quite surprising compared to the "before nursery" situation where she was very easy, sociable and not so demanding. At the daycare, they are positive with the fact that she plays very well on her own and does not require permanent attention (just a cudle every so and often). It is also quite frustrating for the dad who's getting only cries from her. At home, I seem to be the only one she can stand and requested permanently.
Any similar experiences, advices about that? Should I let her do a big crisis or should I take her each time she wants it?
claire
baby demanding mum all the time
Hi Bibiche!!! Good to hear from you . Glad to know that you are settling down well in warm (?!!! 26 degrees I hear, times are changing...) Britain.
As I'm writing this LOOOONG message, my baby girl finally managed to fall asleep on me in the baby bjorn. She too has been going through a more demanding period. I suspect her gums might be bothering her, but as she's only 4 and a half months, it's a wild guess. I think, as Cory said, that perhaps your daugther might be a bit stressed because of your move and the new situation(such as spending less time with mummy safely in sight). As a result she longs for extra comfort and safety from mum, and a way to vent out her stress. (Good thing she lets it out, cause if they build up, stress hormones are quite bad for growth processes. I mean good thing for her, of course parents' stress hormones are to the sky meanwhile...)
is your daugther approaching 8 months? There is such a thing as 8th month separation anxiety. When babies realise that they are not integral part of their mums, and that there are such things as strangers in the world. Of course, dad is not a stranger, but perhaps mum is always mum you know what I mean...Apparently this anxiety can manifest itself any time, from 6 months onward, or not at all.
I would personally advise against letting her 'cry it out' in the traditional sense, on her own. (you know, the kind of advice own folks or inlaws might give, in good will, cause they see you are exhausted). Basically babies at that age are too young to get the right message. They don't get it that mums don't run on duracell batteries. If you let them just cry too long, the danger is that they'll interpret it as rejection and their trust in you might be affected (which in turns might lead to more crying. Well, I'd better NEVER let my mother out of sight, cause you never know..).
I would try to give in to her needs. For as long as you can. I think it'll pay off in the long run (unfortunately, I stress LONG run). If the whole process doesn't make you unbearably exhausted, do it for a while. Maybe give yourself a time limit. Like 'I'll do this for a months, two weeks etc and then if it still continues I'll reconsider my strategy'. It might change. Basically I think your daugther needs to reconfirm a sense of safety around her.
The other thing often suggested is to 'wear' your daughter in a baby carrier (baby bjorn) for certain amounts of time. Now, easier said than done, I know. I personally don't get a lot done with petra on the sling, so I don't use it often. But I can see the logic. Beware of overheating by the way (as we are now...)
If you are already on the verge of complete exhaustion and giving in would mean turning into a gremlin, then perhaps you could try being with her while she cries, without picking her up (see unikoulu, sleep school method in Finland), or perhaps go to comfort her every couple of minutes.
Nature devised a good way for babies to get their needs met (heartbreaking cries..)
I hope it helps just it little... if anything makes sense...
As I'm writing this LOOOONG message, my baby girl finally managed to fall asleep on me in the baby bjorn. She too has been going through a more demanding period. I suspect her gums might be bothering her, but as she's only 4 and a half months, it's a wild guess. I think, as Cory said, that perhaps your daugther might be a bit stressed because of your move and the new situation(such as spending less time with mummy safely in sight). As a result she longs for extra comfort and safety from mum, and a way to vent out her stress. (Good thing she lets it out, cause if they build up, stress hormones are quite bad for growth processes. I mean good thing for her, of course parents' stress hormones are to the sky meanwhile...)
is your daugther approaching 8 months? There is such a thing as 8th month separation anxiety. When babies realise that they are not integral part of their mums, and that there are such things as strangers in the world. Of course, dad is not a stranger, but perhaps mum is always mum you know what I mean...Apparently this anxiety can manifest itself any time, from 6 months onward, or not at all.
I would personally advise against letting her 'cry it out' in the traditional sense, on her own. (you know, the kind of advice own folks or inlaws might give, in good will, cause they see you are exhausted). Basically babies at that age are too young to get the right message. They don't get it that mums don't run on duracell batteries. If you let them just cry too long, the danger is that they'll interpret it as rejection and their trust in you might be affected (which in turns might lead to more crying. Well, I'd better NEVER let my mother out of sight, cause you never know..).
I would try to give in to her needs. For as long as you can. I think it'll pay off in the long run (unfortunately, I stress LONG run). If the whole process doesn't make you unbearably exhausted, do it for a while. Maybe give yourself a time limit. Like 'I'll do this for a months, two weeks etc and then if it still continues I'll reconsider my strategy'. It might change. Basically I think your daugther needs to reconfirm a sense of safety around her.
The other thing often suggested is to 'wear' your daughter in a baby carrier (baby bjorn) for certain amounts of time. Now, easier said than done, I know. I personally don't get a lot done with petra on the sling, so I don't use it often. But I can see the logic. Beware of overheating by the way (as we are now...)
If you are already on the verge of complete exhaustion and giving in would mean turning into a gremlin, then perhaps you could try being with her while she cries, without picking her up (see unikoulu, sleep school method in Finland), or perhaps go to comfort her every couple of minutes.
Nature devised a good way for babies to get their needs met (heartbreaking cries..)
I hope it helps just it little... if anything makes sense...
micky
hi,
it quit normal for babies at such age to always demand mum alone. my duather is 13months old now. when she was about 6months to 10months old it was me alone she wanted.
any time dad carried her, she cries! things later change btw 10-11months she then goes to dad to play and come to mum for confort. now she always want to be with dad as well as she want to be with me. when ever dad comes back from work or some where she always happy and want him to carry her. and some time cry atfer him even while his busy and i,m free.
she is also independent some times.
so my dear as children grow fast so changes follows.
it quit normal for babies at such age to always demand mum alone. my duather is 13months old now. when she was about 6months to 10months old it was me alone she wanted.
any time dad carried her, she cries! things later change btw 10-11months she then goes to dad to play and come to mum for confort. now she always want to be with dad as well as she want to be with me. when ever dad comes back from work or some where she always happy and want him to carry her. and some time cry atfer him even while his busy and i,m free.
she is also independent some times.
so my dear as children grow fast so changes follows.
Always Love, Happymum 2 Wendy, Williams & Whitney
-
elizestrada
- Posts: 96
- Joined: Tue May 30, 2006 7:56 am
- Location: Washington, D.C., USA
Thanks to all for advices (and for such a long answer micky!)
Chloe is a bit too big for the baby carrier (I can handle this no more than 15min). I was expecting this separation anxiety a bit later... What I find surprising is that she is very happy with somebody else if she doesn't see me. Like, if I give her to her dad and leave the room saying byby, she'll be crying for a short while but will play nicely after that and she will start crying again if I come back into the same room! To me it looks very much like "oh she is here, lets give it a try..."
However, at the moment I am still working on my nerves and patience to be nice and comforting as much as possible. She can crawl now which means she can run after me in the flat
Chloe is a bit too big for the baby carrier (I can handle this no more than 15min). I was expecting this separation anxiety a bit later... What I find surprising is that she is very happy with somebody else if she doesn't see me. Like, if I give her to her dad and leave the room saying byby, she'll be crying for a short while but will play nicely after that and she will start crying again if I come back into the same room! To me it looks very much like "oh she is here, lets give it a try..."
However, at the moment I am still working on my nerves and patience to be nice and comforting as much as possible. She can crawl now which means she can run after me in the flat
-
scoobymcdoo
- Posts: 675
- Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 9:46 pm
Hiya
Sophie's separation anxiety began at 5½ months and is still here 10 months later!
Just go with it, I think you risk more damage by ignoring it...but at the same time dont pander to it.
You may remember that I couldn't leave S to even get a cup of coffee for 2 minutes and she knew all of you really well- well things haven't really changed!
It is ok for her to wander off but if I do the wandering then she starts the screaming.
Luckily she is ok to be left with her dad!
Take care
Hannah
Sophie's separation anxiety began at 5½ months and is still here 10 months later!
Just go with it, I think you risk more damage by ignoring it...but at the same time dont pander to it.
You may remember that I couldn't leave S to even get a cup of coffee for 2 minutes and she knew all of you really well- well things haven't really changed!
It is ok for her to wander off but if I do the wandering then she starts the screaming.
Luckily she is ok to be left with her dad!
Take care
Hannah
Hi,
Yeah, it is true separation anxiety "should" start at 7-9 month old, but there is variation and it often start earlier, like 6 months. That's when it started with my girl. Thats why i started her up slowly in daycare when she was 5½, thoug people were questioning why i did it so early, she have never cried a lot when left in daycare (though sometimes esp. during her separation anxiety period).
Her separation anxiety did not last long (1-2 months? Hard to remember exactly), but I know it is really tough. Try to take a short break, get out a bit if you can. Tell your husband that you are going for a walk, get some peace and quit. Just 10 min. and you are able to give her all your attention again...
best wishes,
Yeah, it is true separation anxiety "should" start at 7-9 month old, but there is variation and it often start earlier, like 6 months. That's when it started with my girl. Thats why i started her up slowly in daycare when she was 5½, thoug people were questioning why i did it so early, she have never cried a lot when left in daycare (though sometimes esp. during her separation anxiety period).
Her separation anxiety did not last long (1-2 months? Hard to remember exactly), but I know it is really tough. Try to take a short break, get out a bit if you can. Tell your husband that you are going for a walk, get some peace and quit. Just 10 min. and you are able to give her all your attention again...
best wishes,
Henriette
We will not know unless we begin...
We will not know unless we begin...
Just out of interest... is this a girl thing? I notice that most of the posters above were talking about their little lasses. I have three lads (10-12 and 14 now) but don't remember any of them going through the separation anxiety thing with either me or their dad. Anyone been through this with boys?
(BTW I did have my fair share of Other Stuff, like uncomfortably regular visits to casualty etc etc etc
)
(BTW I did have my fair share of Other Stuff, like uncomfortably regular visits to casualty etc etc etc
)