Going back home to Australia permanently. Need postage info!

[Heefa]

don't send with DHL. i sent my computer with them and the box looked like someone had been using it as a target for spear throwing, and the side of the case was cracked in multiple places when i finally opened it :/

[ajdias]

Is it really all this hassle of dragging/ sending your computer worthwhile!
I am asking you, as have moved from one country to another more than often to live, and decided to leave my computer , and travel only with info on CDs. Is it not possible at all to find a cheap computer to buy? Now I live happily with my little laptop.

It's probably less about the hardware or money and more about self-respect, pride and dignity. The computer is symbolic. Just like in this thread it is a pretext to vent and receive some kind words.
Hopefully the OP will some time realise how valuable this experience has been and how lucky he was for getting the feedback so fast and without attachments (alimony, kids & life forever in a alien country.) That's the really beauty of (some) Finnish women. And no, nobody wakes up one day and decides to divorce. One would see it coming unless one is oblivious to his and his partners' emotions. I'm probably not the only one who wanted to write "don't mind Kutittaa, his other half just hasn't hugged him much lately" but wasn't arsed to get into another argument here. In any case, best of luck for him.

[Karhunkoski]

I have no advice for your computer, but maybe as a last resort, remove the components to checked-in luggage and stick them into a new case down under.

I honestly feel sorry for anyone who comes over here and literally puts everything they have on the line for a relationship that their wife controls entirely.

And whose fault is that? Why did you let her "control it entirely"???

The next comment isn't a random thought, nor one I agree with 100%, but it does have some basis on many years of friendly discussion with Finnish women: Finnish women have a reputation for being tough and dominating, but they're not some sort of genetic feminists, it's just that historically they *think* that they've been forced to take control when the other option has been a weak-minded, dithering, alcohol-affected male. Of course not all Finnish males are like this, but maybe just enough are to have affected the ladies mindset So anyone who wants to build a successful relationship with a Finnish women should be aware of this fact, and act accordingly. Don't be a pussy, take a 50% stake in the relationship!

How could I not let her control it entirely? It's her country, her language. I couldn't even get a bank account in my name without having lived here long enough

I wasn't meaning banks you clown, I was meaning this: !!!!!

I gave her everything she wanted, let her do what she wanted without feeling ever guilty about it, I always put myself second and her first, she got her way with the wedding, the rings, everything. Right from the moment I walked into this country.

As I said, "don't be a pussy, take a 50% stake in the relationship!". To do it in any other way leads most women to think you're a weakling, even if it's only a subconscious feeling on their part.

Anyway, all the best for the future. I went through similar at your age and now enjoy a level of happiness in my marriage that I never knew exisited when I was 23. I hope you can find the same, but you need to stand strong and proud, but respectful to our lady at the same time. A good woman will appreciate that.

[odon]

Sorry to hear about your situation, that really sucks. But if I was you, I'd stay and go hit on her cousins and cute friends.

If I moved around the world, left everything I knew, endured financial hardships, learned a completely new language that only 5M in the world speak and in short, completely changed my life only to have my significant other change her mind...I'd be very hurt, but also mad as hell.

For damn sure I'd be running through all her friends. You know which ones, the ones who always looked at you a little too long, laughed at all your jokes. They will feel bad for how their friend is acting and will want to make up for it. Let them.

Reading all of these HBS stories makes me glad my gf is the one making the move to the States vs the other way around. It made more sense, she speaks the language here, can easily get a job (higher paying) and easy integration (cultural familiarity). Sure at some point in a few years we will want to have kids and she will want to have them/raise them in Finland. But by then, we would have worked out any major challenges in our relationship, have all the proper documentation (RP, etc), would learn much more about the Finnish culture so I could integrate easier, not to mention speaking the language somewhat.

I'd be curious to hear stories (good or bad) of people who have made the move that way. The Finn first moving to the foreign partners country, then several years later returning to Finland with the foreign partner.

Well, all couple stories are different, hopefully your's work out, but the history of finns moving out and staying there in another country is very bleek, it has to do with the genes, in other countries ...they want to get out asap,but here they will come back eventually, maybe in their pensioners age....here is safe, socialist govt, big security net when your children leave you....even I am seeing the advantages here...

[Rick1]

Re: Finnish Girls

Rick1 wrote:
Must be a nice planet you are living on. Try marry one and we talk further, schoolboys.

Kutittaa wrote:
Rick1 wrote:
Must be a nice planet you are living on. Try marry one and we talk further, schoolboys.

Judging from your attitude and the prolonged chip on your shoulder. I'd say you're a single vexed old codger whom spends his nights either beside a bottle of the cheapest port or out trolling bars for company of the opposite gender.

You're hardly one to talk... Pay attention to this thread and you might learn something mate.



And now he has to itch himself and run back to his parents and his biggest problem is how he gets his computer with him.And still wundering: why did she leave

[llewellyn]

I would always be inclined to be charitable - relationships can be disgustingly painful affairs and very few people can claim to have made no mistakes. But if a certain general observation of anglosaxon behaviour is allowed - I mean why not, as every Finn stares rudely at foreign speaking weirdos, there surely are universal straits of behaviour to English speaking people too - there seems to be a certain ott type of behaviour when ending up with an "exotic" nationality (meaning any non-English speaking country). I mean if you love an individual, it surely doesn't follow that her nation is automatically oh so wonderful too. I have quite a cosmopolitan circle of friends and have seen this pattern repeated for several occasions: loving Finland in an unreal, unrealistic fashion, getting shafted by the HB, in one way or the other, and immediately starting to hate all things Finnish in an equally unrealistic fashion. Really, the country itself is a separate matter, it's not really hugely responsible for the loveliness or the awfulness of the significant other...

[Karhunkoski]

I would always be inclined to be charitable - relationships can be disgustingly painful affairs and very few people can claim to have made no mistakes. But if a certain general observation of anglosaxon behaviour is allowed - I mean why not, as every Finn stares rudely at foreign speaking weirdos, there surely are universal straits of behaviour to English speaking people too - there seems to be a certain ott type of behaviour when ending up with an "exotic" nationality (meaning any non-English speaking country). I mean if you love an individual, it surely doesn't follow that her nation is automatically oh so wonderful too. I have quite a cosmopolitan circle of friends and have seen this pattern repeated for several occasions: loving Finland in an unreal, unrealistic fashion, getting shafted by the HB, in one way or the other, and immediately starting to hate all things Finnish in an equally unrealistic fashion. Really, the country itself is a separate matter, it's not really hugely responsible for the loveliness or the awfulness of the significant other...

No offence intended, but I found your text incredibly difficult to follow at a first glance.

[AldenG]

I guess maybe you're gone already?

I recall that when I moved from Finland on a March 6th, I had an unexpected wad of cash in hand. Whether this was an actual refund of taxes or tax that wasn't withheld in the first two months of the year, I can't quite remember. But it was aboveboard and the result of a visit to Vero in the lead-up to our actual departure. Because my residence in Finland during that last year was so short, my withholding and taxation rates were way down.

So whatever you do about your withholding and whenever you do it (which may be different these days) don't forget about and end up abandoning all that tax that has been withheld which you probably won't owe. And don't let it end up disappearing into your soon-to-be ex's account one day. You might find it impossible to get back from her.

[AldenG]

the loveliness or the awfulness of the significant other...

Didn't someone make a movie by that name?

[llewellyn]

No offence intended, but I found your text incredibly difficult to follow at a first glance.

Oh well, what can you expect - it's not my native language after all. And anyway, I was very, very drunk when writing it...

[AnnikaL]

Well, all couple stories are different, hopefully your's work out, but the history of finns moving out and staying there in another country is very bleek, it has to do with the genes, in other countries ...they want to get out asap,but here they will come back eventually, maybe in their pensioners age....here is safe, socialist govt, big security net when your children leave you....even I am seeing the advantages here...

Really???! I know absolutely tons of Finns in England who have been here anything from 2-50 years, happily married still in most cases, not in some others, but either way no plans to leave back to Finland. Similarly in America and Canada (probably elsewhere, I just don't know them!)

[Pursuivant]

And I get told off for "not being positive" when I post this

[Pursuivant]

Yeah, llwellyn, thats the classic symptoms of "culture shock". Nothing "new", theres PhD's on it.

BTW I had a fun moment at the local pub - I think they "think Finnish" here more than in the US.

[skandagupta]

@Suitsuke/Kutiava, you remind me of ancient tv-series "Goodies",where one of the main characters married a computer(healthy late 1960`s industrial individual) and lived happily ever after with her/it. I´m too much computer-challenged to go and roam the contents of youtube,but it`s there (london weekend television,ltv,if mi memorie serves me well)

,,you come a waltzing computer with me..

[Sami-Is-Boss]

Sorry to hear it. It's all very well people talking sagely about HBS and what happens when relationships break down but it's always horrible when it actually happens to someone. Chin up, and try to take positives from everything

edit- you're 23- you literally have your whole life ahead of you.


edit 2- llewelyn, that is an incredibly incisive observation. I had never noticed it before but it really rings true. I am currently with a Finn myself and in the bad times Finland as a country and a people often bear the brunt of my fury, and when all is good in the relationship I feel a love and longing for the country that most natives probably don't even experience.