My friend is living with an abusive man

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alondra
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My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by alondra » Tue Jul 10, 2012 12:36 pm

Hi! I am writing on behalf of my friend, and will try to make the story short. My friend is married with this guy for more than a year now. He has a history of abusing his ex-wife and girlfriend( she didn't know this before). He spits on her, threw her clothes in front of the main door for her to leave. She can't have friends and if she does not answer his calls, it's a big fight when he comes home.The neighboors are already complaining. He pushed her in a public place, the police arrived and my friend said that everything was ok. bla bla.

My friend has visa A and this guy is telling her that if she leaves him, he will get a divorce and she will have to go back to her country. She would like to stay here but not with him anymore, at this time she is studying Finnish Language. She is afraid of what will happen with the visa A( 4 years) if she leaves him. At the same time he wants to stay with her and said sorry when he has this mental outburst.

My friend can't take it anymore and she is thinking to move with some relatives. One day I saw him arguing with her because she didn't hear his phone calls. Believe me, I have never seeing something like this. I can't even mention everything he said to her. He thinks he has her in his hands and, can do anything he wants with her. Personally I don't think is worth to stay here in this circumstances but is her choice. Please if you know of any information about what she can do will be highly appreciated. Oh.. also he has a police record of slapping his ex-wife in public.


You don't know what you've got until it's gone

My friend is living with an abusive man

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Pursuivant
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Location: Bath & Wells

Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Pursuivant » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:01 pm

She is afraid of what will happen with the visa A( 4 years) if she leaves him.
Nothing. When she renews it the next time, then they ask the question of "why" (so she needs a "reason") though if shes now on a 4-year permit I'd gather shes already been on a years' permit so nationality might be an option then...

You didn't say where your friends living at, but theres Monika Naiset liitto ry on a few bigger cities that provides assistance especially for foreigners. Theres also shelters etc. but whats the city? (Monika Naiset apparently has their pages hacked so not much joy there)
"By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes."


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rinso
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by rinso » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:07 pm

Your friends husband is probably right about the divorce and losing the RP.
If she cannot find a job or a new husband before her RP expires she indeed has to leave. (assuming she is not EU)
But your friend has to make the choice herself. Nobody here can predict what is the best/worst option in the long term.


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Pursuivant
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Pursuivant » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:16 pm

Your friends husband is probably right about the divorce and losing the RP.
You don't "lose" the RP - like they deliver the final divorce paper and they handcuff you in an airplane the same instant. Its just applying for the next RP that you can't use that marriage as a "reason".
"By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes."


alondra
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:43 pm
Location: Finland

Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by alondra » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:29 pm

Thanks for answering- She is living in the Turku area. If I understood correctly, my friend can leave him( what's going to happen when he reports that to the visa office?)

Do you think they will let her stay even if she leaves him? or divorced him?
And after all this, I don't think she is ready for another relationship just to keep a visa, unless she really fall in love. My friend came here to work and yes..have a family. She is very young and she eventually will find a good man but she is marry now.

Perhaps she needs a lawyer.. she needs to get the information right in order to avoid mistakes. She has been looking for a job already, but with no luck. She is not from Europe.
You don't know what you've got until it's gone


Jukka Aho
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Location: Espoo, Finland

Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Jukka Aho » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:32 pm

You might want to check out the organizations and contact details mentioned in this sticky thread as well.
znark


Rip
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Rip » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:36 pm

They existing permit may be revoked if the grounds used to get the permit do no longer exist, but it is not necessarily done and it is not automatic in any case.

There has been several earlier threads on the topic, in one of them I wrote
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=38332#p335671

(the link is getting bit old, but the document is still there on a government agency server, I am not aware of a newer version and I do not recall any recent relevant change in legislation)


007
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by 007 » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:36 pm

It's in migri page somewhere... it goes like this if I remember correctly-> If the marriage is new.. meaning less than 2 years, then divorce can cause termination of residence permit but there's a big BUT... if the relationship ends due to abusive behaviors by one's spouse, then permit is not terminated, not that termination is anyhow likely in normal situation as well. Never heard of permit termination due to a divorce but yes... at the time of renewal, there gotta be a reason to be in Finland.
“Go where you are celebrated – not tolerated."
"Aina, kun opit uuden sanan, opettele samalla sen monikko!"


alondra
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Location: Finland

Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by alondra » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:51 pm

ok. If she leaves and most likely he will be so upset and divorced her--then --immigration will not take her visa away. But when the visa is close to expire in about less than 4 years she will have to be working or marry?. Is that what you guys are saying? well in 4 years most likely she will be working..even this year and, perhpas dating or married..that I don't know..but is a hope at least :ochesey: So immigration will not take her visa away right away after the divorce or separation?
You don't know what you've got until it's gone


Upphew
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Location: Lappeenranta

Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Upphew » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:53 pm

alondra wrote:just to keep a visa
Visa is for visiting (up to three months), Residence Permit is for residing.
http://google.com http://translate.google.com http://urbandictionary.com
Visa is for visiting, Residence Permit for residing.


Samer2010
Posts: 171
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Samer2010 » Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:19 pm

The man who cannot treat his wife with love and respect shouldn't have the privilege of marriage... But, Who am I kidding?

The vast majority of women are stupid because most of the time they make the wrong choices by marrying screwed up goons.


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simon
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by simon » Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:46 pm

Samer2010 wrote:The vast majority of women are stupid

Hell yeah, say it like it is brother


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Logic
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Re: My friend is living with an abusive man

Post by Logic » Tue Jul 10, 2012 7:42 pm

She married the person not the country so if the person turned out to be bad then she should simply leave the country. Her desperation to stay is fueling his abuse. However, if she finds a job then the first thing she should do is change her permit and file for divorce unless he does it first and in that case she can finish the time remaining in her current permit and hope something new comes up at the time of renewal.


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