Dating a Finnish guy

[Pursuivant]

He could also be Justin Bieber..

[Rip]

Just remember if he says you once 'I love you' he won't say it again.... expecting it at 5 minute/hour/day/month/year intervals will just leave you expecting...

Why do you say that? Do Finns generally not express their feelings too often?

People are not all the same, but a good part would consider a statement like "I love you", as it would have probably been made without any explicit end date, to be valid until further notice, so it would be quite unnecessary to repeat it if the situation has remained the same (for the past decade or few).

[Upphew]

People are not all the same, but a good part would consider a statement like "I love you", as it would have probably been made without any explicit end date, to be valid until further notice, so it would be quite unnecessary to repeat it if the situation has remained the same (for the past decade or few).

I wrote almost the same, before I decided just to try give P some cred.

[onkko]

Just remember if he says you once 'I love you' he won't say it again.... expecting it at 5 minute/hour/day/month/year intervals will just leave you expecting...

Why do you say that? Do Finns generally not express their feelings too often?

He already said he love you, if he changes his mind he will let you know.

[Curious lady]

Wow from what you guys are saying it seems like finnish people are really cool! No bullsh*t that's so commen to many other nationalities! Maybe I just need to move to Finland lol

[Flossy1978]

Cool? Aijaa...

If you are young, I think young people act the same all over the world with their 'I love you's' and all that other mushy in the clouds crap.

Older people in relationships don't generally do all that !"#¤%.

And Finns are usually quite reserved in every sense. But since he's been to your country, he's obviously been doing travelling. Finns who've done a lot of travelling or lived elsewhere are usually much more open and friendly than the more "traditional non travelling/no experience without the outside world" Finns.

Finns ARE NOT like Americans or other Western Countries. You'll find out when you realise there's very little 'customer service' here LOL. And no one is smiling for about 7 months of year cause it's dark and depressing and cold LOL. Your boyfriend or whatever he is, might be an exception to the rule. As with the Finnish language, there are always exceptions to the rules in this country LOL.

The man I am seeing is an exception.... He tells me he loves me actually quite often and he's in his mid 30's. And since I've been here for so long and been with more traditional Finns, it feels a bit weird to hear the words so often from a Finnish man LOL.

[onkko]

The man I am seeing is an exception.... He tells me he loves me actually quite often and he's in his mid 30's. And since I've been here for so long and been with more traditional Finns, it feels a bit weird to hear the words so often from a Finnish man LOL.

There is always an exception, as you probably know thats really exception. He probably tries to be like your culture.
I have never heard any of couples i know tell that that " i love you"
I lived with my granma and granpa, 60+ years of marriage, and i never heard "i love you". I saw touches and other ways to tell affection but not words. Words arent needed.
My uncle is married by his teen love, i think its about 30 years of marriage, and i have been in their house lot. Never heard "i love you". Its granted so why repeat? You say it when you marry. I see how my uncle works and how my aunt works and their way tells "i love you" more than words. Subtle touches and smiles, there is no need for words.
I would see words as phony, you need to be comfortable with each other without words.
Its small touches and small "how you look other".

[ritan7471]

Onkko is completely right. I was with a guy for many years (American) who told me he loved me all the time. His actions did not match his words so I was very unhappy.

My Finnish husband almost never tells me he loves me. But he does other things to show he cares, and that means more than words.

Though I did jokingly tell him once: "You are married to an American, therefore you have to tell me you love me at least once a year". I think he's slacking

[Oho]

Onkko is completely right. I was with a guy for many years (American) who told me he loved me all the time. His actions did not match his words so I was very unhappy.

My Finnish husband almost never tells me he loves me. But he does other things to show he cares, and that means more than words.

Though I did jokingly tell him once: "You are married to an American, therefore you have to tell me you love me at least once a year". I think he's slacking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyP9rAsVwfc

[ritan7471]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyP9rAsVwfc

Thanks for that
Not to say all my days are wine and roses, or anything like that though

[Curious lady]

He hasn't said he loves me yet lol he did call me lovely a couple of times and said he really likes me but that's about it. We'll see how things are when I see him in a month :):)

[Flossy1978]

Nah, he's not trying to be an Aussie.

Apart from all the "I love yous", he's insanely traditional Finnish.

And the weirder thing is, it's not me saying it. I don't do the "I love yous" thing. Not even when family members call and say it at the end of the conversation, I just say 'same to you' LOL. So it's definitely not me or my 'Aussie' influence. And most the time when the guy says it, I just say "Ditto" LOL. Or "Samoin", which is actually an incorrect response, but it's my silliness. Oh no, I also just say "I know". That's my most popular response LOL. Aren't I lovely? LOL.

It's just this man.... A one off, exception to the rule.

And yes, he'd go to the end of the earth to do whatever he could for me. So it's not just those three words he says. He shows it too.

[cors187]

Wow from what you guys are saying it seems like finnish people are really cool! Maybe I just need to move to Finland lol

I think you will flip the coin like everyone else.
best regards

[Myriam_]

Few pointers when dating a Finnish guy

1. If he keeps in touch with you constantly, he is somewhat interested.
How much, you'll just have to find out.

2. Finns, in general, are usually reserved at first, until they get to know the real you.
What you can do is to plant little hints about how wonderful you are on his path and then hope that he gets the point.
Like, be happy, caring, TRUSTWORTHY (<- that can't be overstressed when talking about ideal partner for a Finn) , look great and smell amazing.
I'm not saying that you usually wouldn't but it doesn't hurt to be extra careful.
Generally speaking, Americans are very extrovert and enthusiastic (not to mention generous and caring) what in comes to friendships and it feels very flattering to be in the receiving end of that kind of attention. However , Finns and especially Finnish men need to hunt. They need their space. Actually, without knowing you at all, I'm just assuming that you could cut the amount of attention you're giving him into half and it would only do you both good.
Finns are not actually THAT shy when they really want something. Make him realize that he can't live without you.
For that, you may have to become a Finn for a moment.

3. How to give him the space ? I would start by saying that I'm not coming after all. To see how he reacts. If he's very disappointed and seems depressed, he's probably as into you as you are to him. If he's like ":(" and then turns the conversation to some other happier topic, he's not that into you.
Finns get depressed if they don't get what they want. They can't just try to cheer up " and put on a happy face" if they're not feeling it.
Neither is it required in Finnish society. So if you mean anything to him, he will talk about it at least the next 5 sentences and probably end your conversation by saying " I'm going to a bar to get hammered". (if he drinks alcohol, what I just assume he does )

So, absence from you ; reaction : depressed-good, not so depressed-not so good (<- seriously, they can't hide their feelings if they´re genuinely very disappointed)


4. However, if your plans mystically change back later and you're still coming to visit him, he WILL meet you at the airport to pick you up and take care of you, if he genuinely cares for you. He will also make your bed to another room (of course you're staying at his place) instead of just assuming your sleeping in his bed, even if you have spent the night with each other earlier. That is one of the rare occasions when Finnish guys turn into old-fashioned gentlemen ; when they're head over heels over a girl. Enjoy it while it lasts .

5. Sex is not that big of a deal in Finland, ; we grow up in naked culture and we have sex with another person if we feel like it.
However, he should still blush and become a nervous schoolboy when undressing you, because to him, sex with YOU should a totally different thing.

6. Generally, when he becomes very serious it's usually a good thing. Nervous- even better.
Playful and even making fun of you (when you're not yet in a relationship) - bad.
When he's playful with a girl he's not in relationship with, it means he wants sex and nothing more.


I don't know what your current situation is with him, but these are some general facts about Finnish men.
Or maybe men in general ? But the Finnish men I've dated have acted exactly like the one(s) above.

Good luck!

[Curious lady]

Myriam, thank you so much for your awesome comment!!! It was great to read your advise!!
It's actually kinda funny that you said that because I did tell him I wasn't going a few days ago cos we kinda stopped talking for a little bit and he did get really sad like you said he would if he cared about more than just getting laid so I'm going to visit him and hopefully everything is awesome like when we met :)
And he did offer to pick me up from the airport an took those days off work so we can hang out :)

So it was great reading your post because you were 100% right!!!