How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

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mesnowflakez
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How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by mesnowflakez » Sat Jul 16, 2016 3:28 am

I've been dating a Finn for almost 2 years. And yes I am Thai, currently doing my master's in Europe. So, I visit Finland quite often.

Just get to the point, how most Finn think about Asian in general and regarding bad reputation of Thai?

Somehow I don't feel like I am accepted there in the way that Finn look at me even I am well-educated. My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai. I just feel really bad about it but partly understand him. Any idea how to solve this would help me a lot. Thanks!



How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

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Beep_Boop
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by Beep_Boop » Sat Jul 16, 2016 11:10 am

You're asking the wrong question.

People come from different social backgrounds, different families, and different circles of friends. The answers you'll get will be as diverse as that. They won't tell you anything about what the average Finn" thinks about Thailand. They'll just give you personal own opinions. Your sampling practice is already bad; the average Finn doesn't really come to an English-language online forum about Finland.

What you're describing is a story I've heard from several foreign spouses of Finns, especially those from non-white races. You see, due to a multitude of historical and geographical reasons (we're not gonna into those reasons here), Finland is largely genetically isolated and good portion of ethnic Finns in Finland are inherently xenophobic (Not to be confused with racism. They're not the same). Does this mean all Finns are xenophobic? Absolutely not. But chances are that once you enter normal Finnish circles deeper than the foreign-facing on the surface, you'll encounter some xenophobia.

Anyway, just rest assured it's probably nothing personal against you or the people of Thailand. Xenophobes just dislike all outsiders, and especially those who don't look like them.

As for your husband being ashamed of you, that's between you and him. He's a man who, presumably, married the woman he loves - he shouldn't be ashamed.. nothing justifies that.
Every f*cking application is unique.You can't measure the result of your application based on random anecdotes online. Stop being a moron!


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rinso
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by rinso » Sat Jul 16, 2016 12:11 pm

My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai.
That probably is because people might assume you're an e-mail bride. People might question his ability to attract Finnish girls.
It is nonsense but those stereotypes exist.
I think other than the occasional label of "import bride" people wouldn't think less of you.


farfaraway
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by farfaraway » Sat Jul 16, 2016 2:04 pm

rinso wrote:
My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai.
That probably is because people might assume you're an e-mail bride. People might question his ability to attract Finnish girls.
It is nonsense but those stereotypes exist.
I think other than the occasional label of "import bride" people wouldn't think less of you.
I have heard this "joke" more than once about importing/buying Asian bride. And there is also the fact that some Asian girls (I personally know about 2,3 cases and hear about a dozen more from my circles of friends) coming to Finland hoping to get married to a Finnish guy to get all the benefits which makes the matter worse.


Tarja2905
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by Tarja2905 » Sun Jul 17, 2016 1:19 pm

For me as an Asian wife of a Finn for over 6yrs and have been in Finland for over one year, it looks like Finns do not really welcome foreigners, but it is not racism, it is more like they are comfortable within their own circle.

And don't understand why the hell your bf is ashamed of you being a Thai when he made his choice!?!?


mesnowflakez
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by mesnowflakez » Sun Jul 17, 2016 7:42 pm

Tarja2905 wrote:For me as an Asian wife of a Finn for over 6yrs and have been in Finland for over one year, it looks like Finns do not really welcome foreigners, but it is not racism, it is more like they are comfortable within their own circle.

And don't understand why the hell your bf is ashamed of you being a Thai when he made his choice!?!?
Thanks Tarja, your sentence "they are comfortable within their own circle" makes me understand Finn more.
Well, we've talked about it many times. He's never had an idea to have a foreign girlfriend before. Many times things just don't go the way you want, but against..


mesnowflakez
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by mesnowflakez » Sun Jul 17, 2016 8:21 pm

farfaraway wrote:
rinso wrote:
My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai.
That probably is because people might assume you're an e-mail bride. People might question his ability to attract Finnish girls.
It is nonsense but those stereotypes exist.
I think other than the occasional label of "import bride" people wouldn't think less of you.
I have heard this "joke" more than once about importing/buying Asian bride. And there is also the fact that some Asian girls (I personally know about 2,3 cases and hear about a dozen more from my circles of friends) coming to Finland hoping to get married to a Finnish guy to get all the benefits which makes the matter worse.
That's true, I know. I know the stereotypes of Thai. And the sad part for me is, it cannot be changed how people think about us.


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Oombongo
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by Oombongo » Mon Jul 18, 2016 12:19 pm

rinso wrote:
My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai.
That probably is because people might assume you're an e-mail bride. People might question his ability to attract Finnish girls.
It is nonsense but those stereotypes exist.
I think other than the occasional label of "import bride" people wouldn't think less of you.
This.
And he doesn't need to feel embarrassed or adopt any apologetic tone about it. Instead, he should take a hard line with those who cook some funny ideas in their heads.
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Beep_Boop
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by Beep_Boop » Mon Jul 18, 2016 1:19 pm

Oombongo wrote:Instead, he should take a hard line with those who cook some funny ideas in their heads.
1000 times this. Despite me being against the institution of marriage, I'd be very stern towards those who have funny ideas like that about my wife.
Every f*cking application is unique.You can't measure the result of your application based on random anecdotes online. Stop being a moron!


Rip
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by Rip » Mon Jul 18, 2016 5:16 pm

mesnowflakez wrote: Somehow I don't feel like I am accepted there in the way that Finn look at me even I am well-educated.
Also by those who know you're educated (university decree isn't actually stamped to your forehead)? Out of curiosity is this problem with men, women or both? As such the mail-order stereotype is unfortunate for you but not completely unfounded. You two just have to learn live with it. He to should understand that "apologizing" a thing that he can't help (and isn't even factually true) is not a good strategy.
Instead, he should take a hard line with those who cook some funny ideas in their heads.
Unless they are directly insulting, being confrontational is probably not that good idea. The "funny ideas" that cause biggest problem seems to be those in his own head. He has to get over with those.


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Beep_Boop
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by Beep_Boop » Mon Jul 18, 2016 5:52 pm

Rip wrote:The "funny ideas" that cause biggest problem seems to be those in his own head. He has to get over with those.
From the sound of it in this case, I'm afraid I agree.
Every f*cking application is unique.You can't measure the result of your application based on random anecdotes online. Stop being a moron!


soo yee
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by soo yee » Tue Jul 19, 2016 11:47 am

mesnowflakez wrote:My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai. I just feel really bad about it but partly understand him.
You should not feel bad that you are from Thailand or feel bad that he is ashamed. It is hard to avoid that people tends to think funny thing especially for those from South East Asia. He should not be ashamed that you are from Thailand either.
Beep_Boop wrote: People come from different social backgrounds, different families, and different circles of friends. The answers you'll get will be as diverse as that. They won't tell you anything about what the average Finn" thinks about Thailand.
Beep_Boop wrote: As for your husband being ashamed of you, that's between you and him. He's a man who, presumably, married the woman he loves - he shouldn't be ashamed.. nothing justifies that.
I agree with Beep_Boop.

I am from Malaysia and been with a Finn for more than 3 years now.


007
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by 007 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 6:47 pm

roger_roger wrote:
mesnowflakez wrote:Somehow I don't feel like I am accepted there in the way that Finn look at me even I am well-educated. My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai. I just feel really bad about it but partly understand him. Any idea how to solve this would help me a lot. Thanks!
You will never be accepted in a community where Finns gather, if you are inseparable from your husband for such events, unfortunately he'll be axed too instead of including you. There is no fix for this, it takes generations and time.

Your husband's cousins or close family members will stop calling him/you for their events, weddings, birthdays, etc, not because they don't like you, but in such events lots of other people (their friends) comes too and when they see a foreigner then they raise lots of question who is she, where is she from, how they got married, this and that and your husband's relatives have to explain those to their friends and colleagues, so, instead of taking such burden you and your husband would be eliminated from the invitee list. No strange looking people, all Finns, no stupid questions and much time for enjoyment.

Seriously, having a foreign spouse (specially non-white) is seen as bad reputation, so your husband is ashamed to say it openly that he has foreign spouse. If he is too open about it, he'll be boycott by his close relatives and family members. Modern friends and colleagues may not mind but the circle gets just smaller and smaller even for your husband.
Wow really roger? Is that your personal experience? Based on hearsays? I am not sure whether your post deals esp. with Thai or you had somalis or kurds in mind when you wrote that. i can agree to an extent that certain nationalities are seen through default glasses; however, it also seems like your post speaks about all those brown and black people married to Finns. My own experience is that Finns are really curious about exotic cultures. They also love explaining Finnish cultures including foods, nature, weather, religions etc. to foreigners.

No one knows what others think and feel towards in-laws foreigners but at least it's not so overtly visible. I am an asian guy, been with my wife for nearly a decade and been to a number of family gatherings.....I have never experienced "apparant" social exclusion nor heard of others facing such exclusion.

Sure due to language barrier, social gathering can become painfully akward. And, let's not forget the personal chemistry..sometimes people don't just click. On top of that, many Finns have hardcore personal space...which can be simetimes interpreted as aloofness towards your guests..eg if two members of your guests unknown to each other are left alone in a room for a while, it might be that there's no any sound coming out of that room.

Also, even for Finns it's really hard to get into a new circle. That being said, friends leaving married couples are extremely common but don't see happening with relatives. Relatives by default don't keep close contacts here. I mean cousins are already so distant relative that many don't even hear from them from the last family gathering like wedding or funeral.
“Go where you are celebrated – not tolerated."
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MinhChau010416
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by MinhChau010416 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:55 pm

mesnowflakez wrote:I've been dating a Finn for almost 2 years. And yes I am Thai, currently doing my master's in Europe. So, I visit Finland quite often.

Just get to the point, how most Finn think about Asian in general and regarding bad reputation of Thai?

Somehow I don't feel like I am accepted there in the way that Finn look at me even I am well-educated. My Finn bf also feels ashamed to tell his friends that I am Thai. I just feel really bad about it but partly understand him. Any idea how to solve this would help me a lot. Thanks!
How most Finn think abt Asian / Thai is not important, but your bf. Why does he feel ashamed to tell his friends that you are Thai? you should talk direct to him.
And you can't choose where you was born, but you can choose how you live.

I don't think Finns think bad abt your origin, maybe some Finn people which you shouldn't care think that.
I'm asian too. but it's doesn't matter to my husband. He likes to ... show off his wife, he always eager to introduce me to every his friends.
Missä minun rahani? Mieheni kokki, mieheni pestä, mieheni suudelma :D :twisted: :beamer: :wink: :thumbsup:


SAHM
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Re: How Finn think about Asian, especially Thai nowadays?

Post by SAHM » Mon Sep 05, 2016 7:35 pm

It is true that Thai women have bad reputation in Finland but perhaps your BF is ashamed because people think that you met in Thailand while he was buying your services? So perhaps he is not ashamed of you? Maybe it's about his image?

If I were you, I would just tell people your love story. How you met and about your long distance relationship.

I am half asian, half Finn and I don't have any problems in any aspect of my life. When I travel in Thailand, locals always assume that I'm a Thai as well. Finns usually assume that I'm a Chinese.

You have to also remember that Finns are shy people. If you want them to open up, you have to be easily approachable. Also in Helsinki region people are more international than in small towns. So if you decide to move someday to Finland, try to find a job and flat from there.


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