Opportunity/threat to once live in Finland?

[Hank W.]

That is why I suggested that you come and live one winter in Finland, just so that you see what do you want. You have lived a long time abroad, and have maybe forgotten that "kaamos" is not just about lounging cosily in front of a fireplace sipping glögi. You have to get up in the morning, drag your sleepy bones to the bus stop and wait there in a blizzard.

Heh. My sis did the same, after 18 years globetrotting they came back, house in Espoo & the works, battling with KELA and schools like any other "foreigner", kids got a rude awakening people could *understand* Finnish - own private language! ... they lasted a year

[phhm]

Wow, this is quite an interesting exchange. Phhm it truely sounds like you are struggling this, but rather than argue with the variety of responses you've gotten, try and go somewhere serene and really think deeply about what is going on in this situation for you - and for him.

I haven't been reading the answers for some time. Thanks for everybody for thinking about this even if I don't like all of your thoughts. Many of you have admitted it would be fair he would give Finland a chance, too, since he is in a multicultural relationship. That is what I think.

The situation is this: He knows he has to work this Finland thing out in his head and he knows it is a "kynnyskysymys" for me. (He does want to be with me. I've asked him why he doesn't just leave me then.) I'm prepared to wait a bit longer while he does that.

How can you say that someone else's "gut" is ridiculous? Are his feelings ridiculous? Are yours? You can think and feel differently but can you ridicule someone else's emotions??

Because we are not talking about a "forever" move. The decision to go to Finland would not be irreversible.

Mountain people are a distinct breed and don't do well outside of them, or farther than within a decent traveling radius. It's clear that you are not this personality type, if you think mountains are monotonous "rocks, rocks, rocks..."

First of all, I never said I don't like mountains, I do, but I was only showing it is possible to see them as monotonous just like the Finnish landscape.

Secondly, I'm sure true mountain peolple exist. He is not one of them. He's lived in a mountainous area (in a city) for two years and the thirty-some years before it in a flat country.

There were reasons why he was not happy in the flat country. Now he is in a much happier situation and seems to think the surroundings are a necessary condition, too. Only then he doesn't, because he does also dream of living somewhere else in the world later on. (Only not Finland.)

Your attitude is that there is something wrong with him because his thinking is not a mirror to yours.

In my opinion, you have to have something wrong in the head not being thrilled by Finland after that summer holiday.

Well yes, I still think that It is very sad if someone can only draw pleasure from a mountainous region or from the sunny south. I can lots of different kinds of things and able to imagine living and enjoying it in lots of different places. (But it doesn't mean I am able to shut the door to Finland forever!) He can too if he chooses to.

And then you say

but if he doesn't value our relationship enough to give a few years of his life to Finland "in return" ...

It sounds like you want to punish him and make him pay for the pain you went through with someone else.

Punish? I would be happy if I could imagine never living in Finland again. But I can't.

There are things I like and things I don't. I would love for my man to move to my home country but not because he "owes" it to me and not if he would be miserable there or it meant giving up fundamentaly who he is.

God, of course I'm not asking it because he owes it to me (even if he does) but because I really need to know I can still live in Finland. And I've also said that if after three or so years he is miserable in Finland, we'll look for other options. He just needs to give it a chance because it is important to me!

but when they tell you where the boundry lines are for them in their life - i.e. he draws the line at promising you something (moving to finland) he doesn't think he could do - you need to listen very carefully and recognize the lines that they've drawn.

Yes, but I have enough experience in life to know that boundaries are nearly never fixed forever. Things change, people change, our ways of seeing things change and, knowing that, we can even decide to change them - and we should no be blinded by how we see things or feel right now and imagine it can't be otherwise.

[JaDLB]

Finnish women always run after the foreign men. Finnish men sit in the corner drinking their pint alone. The foreign man inflicted with a HBS has the option of being treated as "prey" or "competition". Now make "friends", the natives are a tad hostile tho...

Hank i have seen comments full of anger toward foreigners but come on !!! hold on here , i have been here for 3 month , we do not show any competition us foreigners , it is just finnish men also get thai women and other nationalities .

quit blaming the good dominant finnish girls , it is in their culture to be dominant and hard working and bla bla and to run the house.

Finland is a heaven for a day and a hell for another but it is not a bad place after all , and hei do not complain abt the @#$% cold anymore . it is just few minutes u are outside and evry single meter u can take a bus or a transport or a cab somewhere , just enjoy the peace here and when ur bored make some money and take a @#$% trip to india

moi moi !!!

[Hank W.]

Hank i have seen comments full of anger toward foreigners

Where is the anger? Its a fact of life. You've been here for 3 months, I've been here for 34 or so odd years out of the 36... And did you bring your sisters here?

quit blaming the good dominant finnish girls

When they stop dominating I will.

when ur bored make some money and take a @#$% trip to india

I have to pay taxes to support all of the freeloaders first. Maybe I should go find my long-lost relatives in Goa. Do you want to donate me some money, I'll gladly leave?

[jessesuomi]

phhm, good luck with this.
Let us know how it turns out. I dont want to assume anything, but looking from all of the responses I would guess that this man is not caucasian. Being a white foriegner in Finland is hard enough, even with a family background that is Finnish and appearance wise fitting in fairly well.
I could be wrong about that. But if it is right, keep that somewhat in mind.

I seem to have the opposite problem of you: the women I have dated over the last 4 years all want to go away from here! Some have seen my home area and think is is so beautifull and blah blah blah. I however would like to reconnect with my roots.

I have a co worker who is from somewhere else. Lived in France, from another flat place however. He came here following a woman. They have had two kids and she loves it here in her home country. However he wants to leave and has threatened to take the kids and go back somehwere "healthy" as he puts it. Wether right or wrong I will not bring up here as the point is that it will be a mess for the mother if he does choose that option, even if he has no right to do so.

If it doesnt work out let me know

[Cod]

Hank i have seen comments full of anger toward foreigners

..sheesh, search under the words 'Hank help!'...

..I think you'll find that without the likes of Hank and a handful of others, many of us 'wide-eyed' types would be well adrift...

"hi, I want to come to work in Finland, I notice that Ryanair flies to Tampere..any ideas where I can stay and can you name any jobs that might need an english speaking person...I'll even do cleaning!...." (slap)

[Hank W.]

Oh, yes, I am a true moralist, and stern as any Cato. Fate chose me to govern swine, in my old age, I have become a swineherd.

[Matsu_dam]

You know, force somebody to do something like move from his country is not so easy or nice to do...
You should find some one that shares your interest about Finland. Like me!


Finnish Women!!! Here I am, in Brazil waiting for ya! :p

[VonTratt]

I believe finland is the most homogenius nation in Europe just because of the weather... africans dont like it here, neither do south europeans... they want sun, beach party, ganja and blonde women (dyed)
the real deal is tougher, finland is not for weak people! therefor finns are hardened, when it rains, an italian will complain and buy an umbrella (he can get wet)
when it snows, the african man will stay indoors and pray to god... but the finns just LOVE IT. its the nordic way!

Man or mouse?

/Von Tratt

[Hank W.]

Actually, I know a few (mad?) Africans and South Europeans that think the climate here is wonderful.

Personally I HATE it!!! And I'm a big rat.

I wouldn't mind sun, beach party, ganja and after being around Finnish women how about a couple (dyed) redheads?

[JaDLB]

Hank, Then just take a holiday for god sakes ... really , they have great deals nowdays on travel packages , you know before xmas try India, Egypt, Italy maybe !!! you will get ur vitamine D needed.

And then maybe u quit making our life a hell on this forum .

Otherwise try antidepressants , this is a nice article on HS yesterday.

http://www.hs.fi/english/article/Study+ ... 5223508028

P.S : Hank regarding the post before , i have no sisters , i have only one brother (6) so if u are intrested let me know

Oh and for the ones dreaming of making a fortune in Finland , here you go :

http://www.hs.fi/english/article/WIDER+ ... 5223507788

So sad , you will not make the fortune of your dreams in finland coz of the lovely taxation, but yea u will live , happy and maybe get a nice cat or dog and survive the winter if it ever comes. and have ur holiday's, where the heck is this awfull winter anyway ?!

So people if u are reading this forum . quit reading the bad , ugly remarks abt Finland , nowhere in the world is heaven , but u make it ur own heaven. you make ur own life .

I would like to share the following , so here you go : ( guess it didn't take me 36 years to do that )

1- Finland has Nice people , honest and freindly even if they are silent and that would drive u nuts in the metro.
2- Contrary of what u think , old ladies in the building are curious and like to check the foreign exotic boyfreinds . so there is somebody watching you
3- Yes u might stay 4-6 month waiting to get ur permit but hell it is not that bad. if u find a job , there might be a chance to get it faster , it doesn't matter anyhow , you will see. being a housewife might be a good experience , plus it is cool nowdays , men take leave to take care of children.
4- Tarja was fabulous in that dress on Independance day!
5- Finnish Language can be hard , like hell but nothing comes easy in life. waste sometime of ur day studying and start saying EI MUTTA ENGLANTIA
6- Newspapers and Magazines are like bread for Finnish women's, never try to take them away or put them in the wrong place.
7- A typical night in helsinki includes : a movie and some chips and dips and maybe some booz. so don't expect much
8- It is the safest place on earth. i know what i mean , just don't talk with the drunken people.
9- You will hate waiting the taxi in a queue a night. beleive me abt this. you will freeze.
10- Officials are not Robots as u think , they might not eat you or treat you like !"#¤% as u expect. after all this is a first world country and there is freedom and human rights.
11- NoNiin! Finnish women , they will melt when u speak english. don't tell my wife
12- There is no scary winter , it is a lie. i have been waiting for it and nothing showed up. it is still 8 C and warm.
13- Bring some sun with you if u want to come here. you'll need that.
14- Jobs , well this is not easy . but learn the language and heaven's doors might open . and i say MIGHT !
15- You will love Jaffa!

Hank , don't get bitter coz am an exotic ALIEN , the city is full of us and yes u wrote many helpfull posts , we can not ignore this. You are just a bit too Pessimist for me , that was my point.

[jennyfinland]

Finnish women always run after the foreign men. tho...

Haha.

And finnish woman is really tough!

[cybertiger]

I think you know why I am a wee bit harsh towards the newbies, its more merciful to kill the want to come over in Ryanair than to have to take the frozen git behind the sauna

I managed to freeze the finnish SO over christmas (in England), visiting the parents, old farmhouse, very little heating to speak of, only a couple of degrees warmer than outside, at least chilling the drinks wasn't much hastle