Changing custody of child

Family life in Finland from kindergartens, child education, language schooling and everyday life. Share information and experiences. Network with other families.
Post Reply
ButterSmooth
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:03 am

Changing custody of child

Post by ButterSmooth » Wed Feb 10, 2016 11:42 am

Hello,

I need some advice. Me and my ex wife divorced a few years ago and we agreed to share the custody or our child 50/50. Now my ex is demanding to take 100% custody of my child so that she does not need to consult me on health issues ect. I know that giving up my 50% would mean I loose some rights. To my understanding my rights to see my child would still be imposed as would the agreed alimoney we made 2 years ago. However I don't trust her at all. She has a history or lieing and she is one of the worst type of liar in that she believes everything that comes out of her mouth and makes lame excuses for her bad decisions in life.

I just feel that there is some angle I am missing in giving her the 100% parenting rights.....Anyone have insights or thoughts...opinions...

Thanks...



Changing custody of child

Sponsor:

Finland Forum Ad-O-Matic
 

User avatar
rinso
Posts: 3949
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:22 pm

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by rinso » Wed Feb 10, 2016 3:00 pm

However I don't trust her at all.
Then don't do it.
When you give it up, you cannot get it back.
And she cannot force you to (unless you screwed up completely)

leisl
Posts: 422
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:26 pm

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by leisl » Wed Feb 10, 2016 9:51 pm

What's in it for the kid? Nothing.

What's in it for you? Nothing.

Why would you want to lose your time with your child?! Why would anyone think this is good for the child?! Your ex is an idiot and you should know better if she has a history of lying.

Flossy1978
Posts: 1395
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:38 pm

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by Flossy1978 » Thu Feb 11, 2016 10:41 am

Don't do it. It will be a huge mistake you will eventually regret and probably could not undo.

Think of your child. So, if you have to deal with his whackjob Mother? Do not give her the power she wants.

If you can't work out matters, then you should go to mediation. But do not give all power to her. Even if it makes it easier.

I had 50/50 with my ex. Okey, granted it was more like 99% me.... Him hardly anything, because well, he didn't give a toss.

In your case, keep a hold of all you have right now.

ButterSmooth
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:03 am

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by ButterSmooth » Thu Feb 11, 2016 4:16 pm

Thanks for the feedback... :D

Yeah I start to feel a bit bullied by the situation really. We have had an access arrangement and have had clear alimony papers officially sorted out ages ago. But she has demand more money recently which annoys me. Seeing shes lazy and works part time and lives with a guy that does not work. I just feel she has some sort of angle shes trying to play by getting me to give up my 50%. But I dont know what :cry:

leisl
Posts: 422
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:26 pm

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by leisl » Thu Feb 11, 2016 8:55 pm

It'll be the money, arguing that since he's there 100% you have to pay more.

You have a legal agreement, just tell her you have no wish to change it.

User avatar
ajdias
Posts: 2544
Joined: Sun May 04, 2003 9:01 pm

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by ajdias » Thu Feb 11, 2016 11:51 pm

leisl wrote:It'll be the money, arguing that since he's there 100% you have to pay more.

You have a legal agreement, just tell her you have no wish to change it.
Prob not directly, custody per se has no effect on the visiting agreement - unless they change that. Then again, this would not be the first time a ex-partner tries to cash on the (natural) ignorance of a foreigner.

I can't think of any medical reason for having single custody, unless your ex is a Jehova's Witness. :oops:
Most likely that's balloney, and she wants more money. If you want to cooperate you can make an appointment with the lastenvalvooja, where they'll use some formula like this to find out how much you (or her) should pay.
If you don't, or if she wants to force a different decision she can drag you to court. AFAIK the court won't change anything unless the new amount is, at least, 20% higher (or lower, if you think you're paying too much.)
in that she believes everything that comes out of her mouth
One of those, hah? I feel your pain.

ButterSmooth
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:03 am

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by ButterSmooth » Fri Feb 12, 2016 9:54 am

To my understanding even if the amount of alimony was changed by an increase of 20% or more, it would still become a fixed amount per month. I get the feeling my ex wants to have an open cheque on demanding money of varying amounts per month and the right to push me to take my son when ever it suits her. Anyway I do have another child from another marriage that I still pay for. I made it fair in that I pay the same amount per month to each mother (looks bad on me. But non of these marriages failed because of something I did ;D). I also assume that if my ex wanted to get more money via a court, I would at least be protected by the agreement we made 2 years ago on the alimony as well as the fact I pay alimony for another child would be taken into consideration.

I think I have decided to stick to my guns and refuse to give her full rights. Shes been using it as emotional blackmail to push me to take even more time with my son and squeeze more cash from me.

Difficult situation anyway. I really appreciate the feedback guys. Thankyou :D :D :D

User avatar
Oombongo
Posts: 1949
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 11:19 am
Location: local sewer pipe

Re: Changing custody of child

Post by Oombongo » Sat Feb 13, 2016 4:50 pm

focus on child, don't give up and keep a record of everything from your ex. Who knows if she goes full cuckoo's nest then you'll have at least some proof though I doubt it will help much. Her country and most likely the sympathies will be on her side. A sobbing woman can make one helluva impact on anyone around :?
Too bad you never know if money is really going to child or mom's shoes shopping or manicure.
Image Image


Post Reply