shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

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rinso
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Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:22 pm

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawer recommended?

Post by rinso » Mon Aug 08, 2016 12:40 pm

http://www.asianajajaliitto.fi/en

Trying to work things out with shared custody will be an uphill struggle. We have heard this kind of stories here before. The mother finally agrees after mediation or a court battle and then sabotages all agreements about the visiting rights. And if you live abroad a ruined visiting trip will be very frustrating at least.
So yes, go for sole custody. And if you don't get it now her future behaviour will probably give you another opportunity.



Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawer recommended?

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MartinHamburg
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Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:53 am

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by MartinHamburg » Tue Aug 09, 2016 5:31 pm

Hups,.. my entry is gone..! Oo

Well, anyway.. is somebody could give me any reccomendations about a lawyer for family rights who knows how to protect "child custody, support and rights" as legal rights and interests for unmarried males, i would appreciate every reccomendations a lot.
Since im from germany, in the best case with experience with fathers from abroad-

Thank you in advance,--- M

MartinHamburg
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:53 am

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by MartinHamburg » Mon Aug 15, 2016 6:08 am

nothing left to say

grey3
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 11:52 am

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by grey3 » Sat Sep 10, 2016 8:59 pm

The father will not get sole custody unless you can show that the mother is unfit to be a parent eg drug user. But difficult to prove. If you want to be realistic you will have to go for joint/shared custody, one of the leading firms is: http://www.sandstromkoulu.fi/
But before you go to the legal path you can go to the local social welfare office to get a mediator or for them to arbitrate. But beware, they are mostly female and pre disposed to favour the mother. If you can negotiate with the ex it is the best solution, it will save time, stress and money for both parties.

SAHM
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2016 7:12 pm

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by SAHM » Sat Sep 10, 2016 9:19 pm

Mom or dad, it doesn't matter. You don't get sole custody in Finland unless the other parent is abusing the kids.

MartinHamburg
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 7:53 am

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by MartinHamburg » Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:40 am

Ohh..believe me, I tried averything to bring it to a positive end. I was and I am the calm goodwilling father, offering what ever she asked for. Trying to respect her and her “wishes” and to get in contact with her. What happens,. The closer I am to my daughter, the more her hate is raising and her disgusting behaviour becomes. Avoiding any contact, not even to negotiate new visiting times. Avoiding to be in the same room! Nothing that would bring a positive aspect to the situation and her daughters rights….! Even childish crap like blocking me on WhatsApp. And BTW..: I didn’t even write her! :D And… I am still the good papa… the one who doesn’t complain---! And I still could never do this to her,.. or any other person. I cannot even imagine an enemy who deserves this!!

So, my question at this point..: what is the mother doing? With a objective view on the circumstances-- She is spitting on her own daughters rights! Preventing a fair and balanced contact to BOTH parents. Treating her like a dog, and btw I wouldn’t even treat my dog like this!! So more like a materialistic item she just bought today. She is fu***ng her own daughter mentally like a child rapist. Raising her with lies and teaching her !"#¤%, right now with her feelings and behaviour. And soon my daughter will be an alienated little girl, fooled and misguided.
So, please.. with an objective view on the circumstances.. Isn´t that a abuse?? A mental rape?
Im wondering how people can even use the word “childs rights”, if there is still no judge who prevents this!! What about the “Ministry of justice” as they call their self,… its like a exhale after a alcohol abuse, its woth nothing, since even they are breaking their own laws and drafts, supposed to protect children and their rights!!! Just for a note, what would you say as a neutral person, how many laws is she breaking already in section 1!!! Of the “Act on Child Custody and Right of Access”!!??
sec1 1)
*The purpose is also to secure a close and affectionate relationship in particular between the child and his or her parents.
*brought up in a secure and stimulating environment and receive an education that corresponds to his or her inclinations and wishes
*child must be brought up with understanding, security and affection. A child must not be subdued, corporally punished or treated offensively in any other way.
*(2) The parents of a child must, in mutual understanding and keeping the best interests of the child foremost in mind, strive to fulfil the purpose of the right of access in accordance with the principles laid down in section 1.

So, can anybody say, this is the behaviour of a caretaking and responsible parent?
If not, ---what else could be a solution then taking her the rights to decide for a child, when she is putting her ego high above her own daughter.-.-NOTHING!!!!

Unfortunately the world is crazy-.--- and these are for now only my thoughts! But hopefully some of the readers will agree.- oooor.. I don’t know.. im doubting even more then before.. jaja.. Oo

BTW… im searching for information about lawyers since a couple of weeks now! Translating finish websites, and belive me.. it takes time … hours,..days and nights.. (translating finish ´, almost impossible…, energy and the good faith in humanity-!

So, about the recommended office-BTW I was searching for her daughter, sanna koulu---and please, correct me if im wrong.. but after reading this-

http://www.tiede.fi/keskustelu/11034/ke ... le_tuomion

http://www.vanhemmat.com/keskustelu/vie ... c313c0a97f

http://www.vanhemmat.com/keskustelu/viewtopic.php?t=143

http://www.eropalsta.info/index.php?act ... art=%251$d

would you still recommend this office? And I found a plenty of these lawyers, some where even a recommendation.
And I know, there is always somebody who is unlucky with the result,.. but since I couldn’t find ANY positive entrys..``?`!`!!`

Anyway, I found one.-. aggressive against alienation.. sounds good to me…

So, my word on a Wednesday night….!

Hyvää Yötä-----

Flossy1978
Posts: 1387
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:38 pm

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by Flossy1978 » Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:12 pm

Mental rape? A bit extreme.

If your ex is truly causing your child to be alienated from you, then you get a lawyer and prove it in court.

Not denying what you are going through is terrible, but this is just your side of the story.

I hope you are calmer in real life.

Have you done mediation?

I suggest you keep a diary, with specific information like dates, reason for the meeting, how your ex behaved etc. All factual. No opinions, no emotions. Just facts. Take it to a lawyer.

SAHM
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2016 7:12 pm

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommende

Post by SAHM » Thu Sep 15, 2016 4:08 pm

This probably doesn't help you but my friend had a custody battle with her ex who raped her infront of their son. It lasted for years and their little girl was afraid of their daddy who was acting aggressively towards her as well. During the fight the family met with a social worker and a psychologist. Because the little girl really didn't want to meet the dad and my friend didn't want to force her, a social worker came to pick up the girl for their weekends with the dad. So she was forced to visit him!

The mom felt that the social worker didn't believe her and that she liked the ex more even though the son had recorded the rape. In the end the main custody of the boy went to dad and the mon got the girl. Both got couple of weekends per month. The boy was just waiting to turn 12 which is the age when kids can normally decide for themselfs.

So it's really difficult to get the sole custody but your ex can not block you out from your kid's life. Fifty-fifty arrangement is very popular nowadays.

Flossy1978
Posts: 1387
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:38 pm

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by Flossy1978 » Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:38 pm

50/50 is what custody automatically is if there are no issues. At least that is what I was told when my marriage ended. But my ex was too busy running around to get a new wife, child caused issues with that. So I kept said child and he went to his Dad's every other weekend.

It should be be taken into account how a child is coping with 50/50. Many can't cope changing homes every seven days. It's to do with not feeling like having a home to call their own. Feeling safe.

joseire
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2019 8:57 pm

Re: shared or sole custody? Next step? Lawyers recommended?

Post by joseire » Thu Dec 05, 2019 9:15 pm

MartinHamburg wrote:
Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:40 am
Ohh..believe me, I tried averything to bring it to a positive end. I was and I am the calm goodwilling father, offering what ever she asked for. Trying to respect her and her “wishes” and to get in contact with her. What happens,. The closer I am to my daughter, the more her hate is raising and her disgusting behaviour becomes. Avoiding any contact, not even to negotiate new visiting times. Avoiding to be in the same room! Nothing that would bring a positive aspect to the situation and her daughters rights….! Even childish crap like blocking me on WhatsApp. And BTW..: I didn’t even write her! :D And… I am still the good papa… the one who doesn’t complain---! And I still could never do this to her,.. or any other person. I cannot even imagine an enemy who deserves this!!

So, my question at this point..: what is the mother doing? With a objective view on the circumstances-- She is spitting on her own daughters rights! Preventing a fair and balanced contact to BOTH parents. Treating her like a dog, and btw I wouldn’t even treat my dog like this!! So more like a materialistic item she just bought today. She is fu***ng her own daughter mentally like a child rapist. Raising her with lies and teaching her !"#¤%, right now with her feelings and behaviour. And soon my daughter will be an alienated little girl, fooled and misguided.
So, please.. with an objective view on the circumstances.. Isn´t that a abuse?? A mental rape?
Im wondering how people can even use the word “childs rights”, if there is still no judge who prevents this!! What about the “Ministry of justice” as they call their self,… its like a exhale after a alcohol abuse, its woth nothing, since even they are breaking their own laws and drafts, supposed to protect children and their rights!!! Just for a note, what would you say as a neutral person, how many laws is she breaking already in section 1!!! Of the “Act on Child Custody and Right of Access”!!??
sec1 1)
*The purpose is also to secure a close and affectionate relationship in particular between the child and his or her parents.
*brought up in a secure and stimulating environment and receive an education that corresponds to his or her inclinations and wishes
*child must be brought up with understanding, security and affection. A child must not be subdued, corporally punished or treated offensively in any other way.
*(2) The parents of a child must, in mutual understanding and keeping the best interests of the child foremost in mind, strive to fulfil the purpose of the right of access in accordance with the principles laid down in section 1.

So, can anybody say, this is the behaviour of a caretaking and responsible parent?
If not, ---what else could be a solution then taking her the rights to decide for a child, when she is putting her ego high above her own daughter.-.-NOTHING!!!!

Unfortunately the world is crazy-.--- and these are for now only my thoughts! But hopefully some of the readers will agree.- oooor.. I don’t know.. im doubting even more then before.. jaja.. Oo

BTW… im searching for information about lawyers since a couple of weeks now! Translating finish websites, and belive me.. it takes time … hours,..days and nights.. (translating finish ´, almost impossible…, energy and the good faith in humanity-!

So, about the recommended office-BTW I was searching for her daughter, sanna koulu---and please, correct me if im wrong.. but after reading this-

http://www.tiede.fi/keskustelu/11034/ke ... le_tuomion

http://www.vanhemmat.com/keskustelu/vie ... c313c0a97f

http://www.vanhemmat.com/keskustelu/viewtopic.php?t=143

http://www.eropalsta.info/index.php?act ... art=%251$d

would you still recommend this office? And I found a plenty of these lawyers, some where even a recommendation.
And I know, there is always somebody who is unlucky with the result,.. but since I couldn’t find ANY positive entrys..``?`!`!!`

Anyway, I found one.-. aggressive against alienation.. sounds good to me…

So, my word on a Wednesday night….!

Hyvää Yötä-----


I can totally relate to your situation. If you haven't realised yet, your ex is displaying all the signs of a narcissistic mother (like the mother of my child). Educate yourself on the subject. Hope you are still a strong presence in your daughters' life. It is not easy. Remind yourself that your daughters are victims too, if they reject you. They eventually should come around buy it might take years and therapy. Remain strong.
BTW, you mentioned you found a lawyer. Any chance you could pass on their details to me? Thanks


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