Abortion/having baby

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Ihanajackie
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:49 pm

Abortion/having baby

Post by Ihanajackie » Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:53 pm

Hello!
I recently discovered that I'm pregnant. I'm not sure about weeks, but maybe is something like 2/3 weeks.
The thing is that I would like to have the baby, but at the moment it seems impossible to me, cause I'm still going at integration plan. And in April I'll start studying at TAKK. My finnish language is not the best at the moment. And our financial situation is not amazing.
So, I'm not sure if can have the baby and still study at TAKK. As I'm not working, and just getting kela`s benefit.
My husband already provide many stuffs such as rental apartment, electricity and water. I just help buying food for us. And now with a child in my belly, I feel lost. I would like first to get a good job, and learn Finnish in order to have kids.
I'm so depressed now, cause at the same time I want to have the baby, but our situation might not be good. Its so hard to find a job when the language is not still good. And the benefit from kela might not be enough.
Last edited by Ihanajackie on Mon Feb 03, 2020 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Abortion/having baby

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heretostay
Posts: 419
Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2017 12:54 pm

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by heretostay » Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:58 pm

I would suggest to make an appointment at the health center as soon as possible. They can tell you your options depending on how far along you are. That would at least give you an idea of a timetable when you need to decide before a certain date. I wish you the best whatever you decide. It is a difficult position to be in and you have my sympathy.

Mizu1993
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:26 pm

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by Mizu1993 » Fri Feb 21, 2020 9:51 am

Ihanajackie wrote:
Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:53 pm
Hello!
I recently discovered that I'm pregnant. I'm not sure about weeks, but maybe is something like 2/3 weeks.
The thing is that I would like to have the baby, but at the moment it seems impossible to me, cause I'm still going at integration plan. And in April I'll start studying at TAKK. My finnish language is not the best at the moment. And our financial situation is not amazing.
So, I'm not sure if can have the baby and still study at TAKK. As I'm not working, and just getting kela`s benefit.
My husband already provide many stuffs such as rental apartment, electricity and water. I just help buying food for us. And now with a child in my belly, I feel lost. I would like first to get a good job, and learn Finnish in order to have kids.
I'm so depressed now, cause at the same time I want to have the baby, but our situation might not be good. Its so hard to find a job when the language is not still good. And the benefit from kela might not be enough.
For me it would be clear. I would say the baby is more important than learning finnish, having a job, TAKK,.. You have an apartment with your bf and you have food, water, electricity, everything what you need. So why not then? You can study or work later too.

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agroot
Posts: 267
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2018 5:04 pm

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by agroot » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:50 pm

Mizu1993 wrote:
Fri Feb 21, 2020 9:51 am
For me it would be clear. I would say the baby is more important than learning finnish, having a job, TAKK,.. You have an apartment with your bf and you have food, water, electricity, everything what you need. So why not then? You can study or work later too.
Isn't getting a job that requires Finnish very difficult, even after you learn Finnish?

necadam
Posts: 69
Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:57 am

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by necadam » Wed Feb 26, 2020 7:54 pm

Ihanajackie wrote:
Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:53 pm
The thing is that I would like to have the baby,
No, you wouldn't. Otherwise you wouldn't have written the following:
but at the moment it seems impossible to me, cause I'm still going at integration plan. And in April I'll start studying at TAKK. My finnish language is not the best at the moment. And our financial situation is not amazing.
So, I'm not sure if can have the baby and still study at TAKK. As I'm not working, and just getting kela`s benefit.
My husband already provide many stuffs such as rental apartment, electricity and water. I just help buying food for us. And now with a child in my belly, I feel lost. I would like first to get a good job, and learn Finnish in order to have kids.
I'm so depressed now, cause at the same time I want to have the baby, but our situation might not be good. Its so hard to find a job when the language is not still good. And the benefit from kela might not be enough.
That's nothing but a bunch of excuses. Some facts:

1) A baby as such doesn't imply excessive additional financial costs; moreover, you will be getting child benefits and you will be able to get considerably higher housing benefits. So if you can survive with your current income/social benefits, it will not get worse with a baby. You can actually get most of the stuff (clothes etc.) for your baby for free or almost free if you don't mind that it's been used, and your own breast milk won't cost that much either :D . Just do the math. This is Finland.

2) At least in the first months, it doesn't even require so much time and work, you can carry the baby along in a sling and breastfeed on-the-go. My wife studied, attending lectures with our first baby, taking the baby with her most of the time, I just took care of the baby when my wife was attending some practical lab courses, and it was just fine. The toughest age of a child is typically around 1,5–2,5 years, but then you already have daycare, which costs near no nothing in Finland if your income is low. I don't know what exactly you study ad TAKK and your mileage may vary, but my wife studied a relatively hard subject (physics). You can make it if you want to.

I already mentioned that, but you are in Finland, not the US or some third world country, you will not end up living on a street because of having kids. The "need" to have first a "good job" and everything secured is probably just some cultural stereotype you brought from your home country, which is actually invalid here. One can be a good parent even without that, and you can still study and advance your career after your child is born. Especially in Finland.

Regards,
a triple father who had his first child as a 21yo student without any income then except social benefits in a country that is considerably less family-friendly than Finland.

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Oombongo
Posts: 1931
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 11:19 am
Location: local sewer pipe

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by Oombongo » Fri Feb 28, 2020 4:43 pm

Perhaps it would make sense to have baby once you've secured employment and worked for a few years to gain a valuable experience.
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AldenG
Posts: 3346
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 3:11 am

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by AldenG » Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:24 pm

Ihanajackie wrote:
Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:53 pm
Hello!
I recently discovered that I'm pregnant. I'm not sure about weeks, but maybe is something like 2/3 weeks.
The thing is that I would like to have the baby, but at the moment it seems impossible to me, cause I'm still going at integration plan. And in April I'll start studying at TAKK. My finnish language is not the best at the moment. And our financial situation is not amazing.
So, I'm not sure if can have the baby and still study at TAKK. As I'm not working, and just getting kela`s benefit.
My husband already provide many stuffs such as rental apartment, electricity and water. I just help buying food for us. And now with a child in my belly, I feel lost. I would like first to get a good job, and learn Finnish in order to have kids.
I'm so depressed now, cause at the same time I want to have the baby, but our situation might not be good. Its so hard to find a job when the language is not still good. And the benefit from kela might not be enough.
You do not sound at all ready to deal with the complications of motherhood at this point in your life. It will greatly increase your stress levels and definitely reduce your options for establishing yourself as a secure and self-directed individual with your own professional and personal identity in life.

If you had your heart set on having a baby and it were a high emotional priority for you -- if your personal identity were tied up in parenthood as some people's is, and if you knew it would bring you great satisfaction and resilience -- then it might be a doable thing for you even now in a country like Finland, although it would still take a huge amount of energy and compromise.

But the way you describe yourself and your situation right now, it sounds like adding a baby to it would be the classic way that so many women let themselves be talked into losing control of their lives and their futures, and end up with little to define them later in life other than their children. Many, many women say they lost their way in life by having children too soon, or at all. On the other side of the coin, many women live exciting, fulfilled lives full of love without ever having children, whether by choice or circumstance.

It can be profoundly fulfilling to raise one or more children in a loving, secure context. But it is also, short of being convicted of a serious crime, the most self-limiting, future-limiting step you could possibly take at this point in your life. It closes so many more doors than it opens. It will define and dominate your next 20 years at the very least -- nearly as long as you have lived so far.

Don't make this decision and travel this road alone. Use all the counseling you can get to make the best decision for YOU. Don't do what other people did or wish they had done or push you to do. Do what is best for you. Parenthood is for those who are certain they want it and reasonably confident they're ready for it. I've known too many unfortunate children (and parents) from other circumstances.
As he persisted, I was obliged to tootle him gently at first and then, seeing no improvement, to trumpet him vigorously with my horn.

farfaraway
Posts: 61
Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2015 10:31 pm

Re: Abortion/having baby

Post by farfaraway » Wed Jun 24, 2020 11:57 am

I can't comment much about other stuff since I don't know your situation well enough. But financial wise, you don't have to make big money to have babies in Finland :) IF (a big if) you are entitled to KELA benefits, you can have about 700EUR per month to raise your babies until certain age (don't quote me on this, you can check KELA website for more up-to-date details). And as you said, if your husband is having a job, then raising a baby is even easier (financial wise)


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