abusive boyfriend

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kelly1992
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:24 pm

abusive boyfriend

Post by kelly1992 » Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:35 pm

I had a finnish boyfriend with alcohol issue. he was very nice but when he is drunk then..

now we separated but i am still affraid if he comes middle of night or if he use my infomation to do something (loaning money or something)
(since my finnish was not good enough he helped me a lot for calling and make an appointment here and there)

I moved to new place and new start but i am still afraid of him.

is there anything i can do or check ? if he using my personal info or can i make it hidden. so he won¨t know where i live ?
what is best way i can do protect myself from my ex ?



abusive boyfriend

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FinnGuyHelsinki
Posts: 1439
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:52 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by FinnGuyHelsinki » Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:11 pm

kelly1992 wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:35 pm
I had a finnish boyfriend with alcohol issue. he was very nice but when he is drunk then..

now we separated but i am still affraid if he comes middle of night or if he use my infomation to do something (loaning money or something)
(since my finnish was not good enough he helped me a lot for calling and make an appointment here and there)

I moved to new place and new start but i am still afraid of him.

is there anything i can do or check ? if he using my personal info or can i make it hidden. so he won¨t know where i live ?
what is best way i can do protect myself from my ex ?
See e.g.
https://dvv.fi/en/non-disclosure-for-personal-safety
https://www.posti.fi/en/private/letters ... losure-ban
https://www.traficom.fi/en/services/how ... -your-data

and check with your mobile phone carrier for getting your number unlisted.

Note that there's no all-encompassing register to prevent someone getting your information (by whichever means) or abusing what they already have. All you can do is stay out of all contact with him. If he finds a way to contact you, even if by proxy, do not respond in any way.

If there's already evidence of him having threatened or hurt you, or if he will continue to harass you, see https://www.riku.fi/en/guides-and-instr ... ing-order/

betelgeuse
Posts: 4353
Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 1:24 am

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by betelgeuse » Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:55 pm

kelly1992 wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:35 pm
now we separated but i am still affraid if he comes middle of night or if he use my infomation to do something (loaning money or something)
(since my finnish was not good enough he helped me a lot for calling and make an appointment here and there)
https://www.asiakastieto.fi/omatieto/en ... ottokielto

This will make it harder for you to also apply for any type of credit (many consumer contract like postpaid mobile phones involve credit).
There's also a softer version one can do on suomi.fi that does not require a reason.
This information would not reach him.

kelly1992
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:24 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by kelly1992 » Tue Jun 22, 2021 6:08 pm

i did check box on Tiedonluovutuskiellot from Traficom

i am not sure if i am doing it right but thank you for all those link...


FinnGuyHelsinki wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:11 pm
kelly1992 wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:35 pm
I had a finnish boyfriend with alcohol issue. he was very nice but when he is drunk then..

now we separated but i am still affraid if he comes middle of night or if he use my infomation to do something (loaning money or something)
(since my finnish was not good enough he helped me a lot for calling and make an appointment here and there)

I moved to new place and new start but i am still afraid of him.

is there anything i can do or check ? if he using my personal info or can i make it hidden. so he won¨t know where i live ?
what is best way i can do protect myself from my ex ?
See e.g.
https://dvv.fi/en/non-disclosure-for-personal-safety
https://www.posti.fi/en/private/letters ... losure-ban
https://www.traficom.fi/en/services/how ... -your-data

and check with your mobile phone carrier for getting your number unlisted.

Note that there's no all-encompassing register to prevent someone getting your information (by whichever means) or abusing what they already have. All you can do is stay out of all contact with him. If he finds a way to contact you, even if by proxy, do not respond in any way.

If there's already evidence of him having threatened or hurt you, or if he will continue to harass you, see https://www.riku.fi/en/guides-and-instr ... ing-order/

kelly1992
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:24 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by kelly1992 » Tue Jun 22, 2021 6:24 pm

thank you so much for link

never known that i can paid to secure my credit but at the same time

it seems i limit my credit for do anything if i wanna do something with my credit.. am i understanding right ?

betelgeuse wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:55 pm
kelly1992 wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:35 pm
now we separated but i am still affraid if he comes middle of night or if he use my infomation to do something (loaning money or something)
(since my finnish was not good enough he helped me a lot for calling and make an appointment here and there)
https://www.asiakastieto.fi/omatieto/en ... ottokielto

This will make it harder for you to also apply for any type of credit (many consumer contract like postpaid mobile phones involve credit).
There's also a softer version one can do on suomi.fi that does not require a reason.
This information would not reach him.

FinnGuyHelsinki
Posts: 1439
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:52 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by FinnGuyHelsinki » Tue Jun 22, 2021 6:39 pm

betelgeuse wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:55 pm
This information would not reach him.
That's the whole idea, the new address not reaching him (or any other party), even if he managed to log into some client register where it would be automatically updated.

kelly1992
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:24 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by kelly1992 » Tue Jun 22, 2021 9:57 pm

thank you so much for this link.

since i moved to new place actually i ordered 1 month free transfer mail to my new place from posti..

but if i check this as ¨off¨i guess i will not recive any mail from any company that not knowing that i moved ?

i just wondering.. since i have 1 month transfer option..
FinnGuyHelsinki wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 6:39 pm
betelgeuse wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:55 pm
This information would not reach him.
That's the whole idea, the new address not reaching him (or any other party), even if he managed to log into some client register where it would be automatically updated.

FinnGuyHelsinki
Posts: 1439
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:52 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by FinnGuyHelsinki » Wed Jun 23, 2021 9:26 am

kelly1992 wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 9:57 pm
thank you so much for this link.

since i moved to new place actually i ordered 1 month free transfer mail to my new place from posti..

but if i check this as ¨off¨i guess i will not recive any mail from any company that not knowing that i moved ?

i just wondering.. since i have 1 month transfer option..
FinnGuyHelsinki wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 6:39 pm
betelgeuse wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:55 pm


This information would not reach him.
That's the whole idea, the new address not reaching him (or any other party), even if he managed to log into some client register where it would be automatically updated.
It means that Posti will not notify any companies of the address change, so you will have to make the change individually to each of them, otherwise they'll keep using the old address in their records. The transfer service is just that Posti will re-route the mail sent to your old address to your new one.

On a related note, it would be also wise to change all your passwords to services you're using; email accounts, web stores, social media,... just to be sure he cannot access those. As for social media, you might also might want to check/change the settings so that your information is visible only to your followers/friends, and that your page/profile does not appear in search results.

Upphew
Posts: 10748
Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:55 pm
Location: Lappeenranta

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by Upphew » Wed Jun 23, 2021 9:41 am

kelly1992 wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:35 pm
I had a finnish boyfriend with alcohol issue. he was very nice but when he is drunk then..

now we separated but i am still affraid if he comes middle of night or if he use my infomation to do something (loaning money or something)
(since my finnish was not good enough he helped me a lot for calling and make an appointment here and there)

I moved to new place and new start but i am still afraid of him.

is there anything i can do or check ? if he using my personal info or can i make it hidden. so he won¨t know where i live ?
what is best way i can do protect myself from my ex ?
Good on you. You could contact shelter for victims of domestic violence for support. You already have new place to live, but they can probably help you otherwise: https://thl.fi/en/web/thlfi-en/services ... c-violence
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User avatar
ilikepeanutbutter
Posts: 1521
Joined: Sun Aug 08, 2004 11:10 pm

Re: abusive boyfriend

Post by ilikepeanutbutter » Sat Jun 26, 2021 1:49 pm

Change your phone number to a new one.

Get a turvakielto. Include any screenshots of threatening messages or police reports.

REACH out to social services asap. They can help you.

There are women's shelters. Turvakoti and the like.

https://ensijaturvakotienliitto.fi/vantaanturvakoti/

They will help you if you feel threatened, and without queston.

I have done this before. If you need any help feel free to message me!

It'll get better in time, hugs!

Kat


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