What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

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amogha21o7c
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 6:52 am

What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by amogha21o7c » Sat Mar 02, 2019 7:00 am

I met a Finnish man when I was in Thailand. I am very shy but a little drunk. He too seemed quite shy but was drunk. We went back to his room and he kept telling me I am beautiful and very funny and he wants me to be his forever. I was abit taken back because we just met, but he told me he is Finnish and he never lies. He said we will talk and be in touch and get to one another and then he wants me to be his . He even made me promise I wont sleep with anyone else. Since I really liked him, I promised. He said he wants me to be his and one day his wife . He also said he will visit me and we will travel around the world, since we both love traveling. :) The sex was good but what I liked was how he cuddled me after. He cuddled and kissed me like we knew each other forever. morning, I needed to leave back home:( But he asked me to stay back. But my flight was booked and had to leave. Any advise what I need to feel?

I mean he sends me a message the next day asking if I miss him?

Yes!! I do!!

I really felt a strange connection with him!

Now I cant forget him.



What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

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amogha21o7c
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 6:52 am

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by amogha21o7c » Sat Mar 02, 2019 10:33 am

He messages me the next day " do you miss me?"
I answer yes and he says nothing
then I ask him if he remembered the conversation?
For which he said he remember
Then nothing...no feelings..


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rinso
Posts: 3782
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:22 pm

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by rinso » Sat Mar 02, 2019 12:29 pm

He too seemed quite shy but was drunk.
Never base your decisions on the word/behavior of a drunk Finn. They consider alcohol an excuse for almost anything and they don't feel committed to anything they said or did during that time.


jarikaija
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 1:28 pm

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by jarikaija » Sat Mar 02, 2019 1:02 pm

rinso wrote:
Sat Mar 02, 2019 12:29 pm
He too seemed quite shy but was drunk.
Never base your decisions on the word/behavior of a drunk Finn. They consider alcohol an excuse for almost anything and they don't feel committed to anything they said or did during that time.
Sorry, but not all fin men are like that...

Anyway... that guy could be even little scared and don't believe himself...
I was a little scared too, when I first time meet my wife at Bangkok.
Only chatting before that. I'm so glad now, that I got over my scaring
feelings.


Chilichocomint
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:56 am

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by Chilichocomint » Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:33 am

Hi, newbie here. This is exactly the reason I joined this forum. I want to have a clue about this guy I have been chatting with for the past year.
I met him on Tinder, I'm in Manila and he is in Mikkeli, and he was different from other guys there on Tinder (you know, all sex and if you're far, sexting and phone sex). At first he was really sweet and i really thought we had something going on. Not really a relationship, but something worth pursuing, you know? Up to now we chat on whatsapp EVERYDAY. But he's stopped being sweet, and it has really left me feeling stupid?
I am even planning to go visit next summer, because I am THAT into him. And to be able to visit him, I have to travel to several countries first, so it will be easier to get a Schengen tourist visa (curse of being a citizen of a third world country--need to prove you really love traveling and that you are not staying there illegally). So it is really going to be very expensive for me, and tbh I wouldn't mind if I know the guy I'm visiting is worth all the effort?
But now, I'm really scared. He doesn't seem to be into me at all. And I asked him several times before, do you want me to go there, and he said yes, very much, i want you to come here. But he also said I shouldn't keep my hopes up that we would be in a romantic relationship. Like, wtf? You expect a girl to come to you from a thousand miles away, then you tell her i'm not sure if i like, LIKE you.
I want to know if this is a Finn quirk, or I'm just being dumb hoping for something that will never happen.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to pour it all out. Because I really feel stupid right now. I know for sure he's not the type who only wants sex. I just know it in my heart that he's not like that. Damn it, i wouldn't even mind if he were like that! At least I know my place. My fear is to be toyed emotionally. Hahaha. I am actually crying now. I could feel tears welling up at first, then it just rushed down when i got to the part where I said I'm scared of being played with emotionally. Hahaha. Now, I just sound stupid AND CRAZY.


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rinso
Posts: 3782
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:22 pm

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by rinso » Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:18 am

Chilichocomint wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:33 am
Hi, newbie here. This is exactly the reason I joined this forum. I want to have a clue about this guy I have been chatting with for the past year.
I met him on Tinder, I'm in Manila and he is in Mikkeli, and he was different from other guys there on Tinder (you know, all sex and if you're far, sexting and phone sex). At first he was really sweet and i really thought we had something going on. Not really a relationship, but something worth pursuing, you know? Up to now we chat on whatsapp EVERYDAY. But he's stopped being sweet, and it has really left me feeling stupid?
I am even planning to go visit next summer, because I am THAT into him. And to be able to visit him, I have to travel to several countries first, so it will be easier to get a Schengen tourist visa (curse of being a citizen of a third world country--need to prove you really love traveling and that you are not staying there illegally). So it is really going to be very expensive for me, and tbh I wouldn't mind if I know the guy I'm visiting is worth all the effort?
But now, I'm really scared. He doesn't seem to be into me at all. And I asked him several times before, do you want me to go there, and he said yes, very much, i want you to come here. But he also said I shouldn't keep my hopes up that we would be in a romantic relationship. Like, wtf? You expect a girl to come to you from a thousand miles away, then you tell her i'm not sure if i like, LIKE you.
I want to know if this is a Finn quirk, or I'm just being dumb hoping for something that will never happen.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to pour it all out. Because I really feel stupid right now. I know for sure he's not the type who only wants sex. I just know it in my heart that he's not like that. Damn it, i wouldn't even mind if he were like that! At least I know my place. My fear is to be toyed emotionally. Hahaha. I am actually crying now. I could feel tears welling up at first, then it just rushed down when i got to the part where I said I'm scared of being played with emotionally. Hahaha. Now, I just sound stupid AND CRAZY.
I would say he sees you as a sort of pen pal. It might develop into something more, but he is not committed to making it work. At the moment you're only part of his life for maybe an hour per day. He'll spend much more time in his local social circles. Impossible to tell how the balance could shift.


Chilichocomint
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:56 am

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by Chilichocomint » Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:51 am

[/quote]
I would say he sees you as a sort of pen pal. It might develop into something more, but he is not committed to making it work. At the moment you're only part of his life for maybe an hour per day. He'll spend much more time in his local social circles. Impossible to tell how the balance could shift.
[/quote]

Problem is we talk all day. Well, text all day. Even while he's out with friends he texts me. Let's me know how he is even when I don't ask. Because I know I'm not a girlfriend, so I let him be I don't demand he lets me know what he does every single day. But he does that. I even know he spent Juhannus in Kuovola. He is there now. And it's really confusing me because he does all those things and asks me how i am and stuff. And I can't help but invest some emotions.


lifeisfun
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2011 1:25 am
Location: Espoo

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by lifeisfun » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:26 pm

amogha21o7c wrote:
Sat Mar 02, 2019 7:00 am
I met a Finnish man when I was in Thailand. I am very shy but a little drunk. He too seemed quite shy but was drunk. We went back to his room and he kept telling me I am beautiful and very funny and he wants me to be his forever. I was abit taken back because we just met, but he told me he is Finnish and he never lies. He said we will talk and be in touch and get to one another and then he wants me to be his . He even made me promise I wont sleep with anyone else. Since I really liked him, I promised. He said he wants me to be his and one day his wife . He also said he will visit me and we will travel around the world, since we both love traveling. :) The sex was good but what I liked was how he cuddled me after. He cuddled and kissed me like we knew each other forever. morning, I needed to leave back home:( But he asked me to stay back. But my flight was booked and had to leave. Any advise what I need to feel?

I mean he sends me a message the next day asking if I miss him?

Yes!! I do!!

I really felt a strange connection with him!

Now I cant forget him.
Chilichocomint wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:33 am
Hi, newbie here. This is exactly the reason I joined this forum. I want to have a clue about this guy I have been chatting with for the past year.
I met him on Tinder, I'm in Manila and he is in Mikkeli, and he was different from other guys there on Tinder (you know, all sex and if you're far, sexting and phone sex). At first he was really sweet and i really thought we had something going on. Not really a relationship, but something worth pursuing, you know? Up to now we chat on whatsapp EVERYDAY. But he's stopped being sweet, and it has really left me feeling stupid?
I am even planning to go visit next summer, because I am THAT into him. And to be able to visit him, I have to travel to several countries first, so it will be easier to get a Schengen tourist visa (curse of being a citizen of a third world country--need to prove you really love traveling and that you are not staying there illegally). So it is really going to be very expensive for me, and tbh I wouldn't mind if I know the guy I'm visiting is worth all the effort?
But now, I'm really scared. He doesn't seem to be into me at all. And I asked him several times before, do you want me to go there, and he said yes, very much, i want you to come here. But he also said I shouldn't keep my hopes up that we would be in a romantic relationship. Like, wtf? You expect a girl to come to you from a thousand miles away, then you tell her i'm not sure if i like, LIKE you.
I want to know if this is a Finn quirk, or I'm just being dumb hoping for something that will never happen.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to pour it all out. Because I really feel stupid right now. I know for sure he's not the type who only wants sex. I just know it in my heart that he's not like that. Damn it, i wouldn't even mind if he were like that! At least I know my place. My fear is to be toyed emotionally. Hahaha. I am actually crying now. I could feel tears welling up at first, then it just rushed down when i got to the part where I said I'm scared of being played with emotionally. Hahaha. Now, I just sound stupid AND CRAZY.

You both can go through these links, if you want, which might give you some insights about Finnish men and you will feel that you are not alone.....

Finnish Guy: Friendship or Something Else?
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=92119

Finnish guy firlting
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=93490

Dating customs in Finland?
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=50325

How to make frienship or date a Finnish girl
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=37027

It seems Finnish men like Asian girls (Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese etc.)

"According to Elli Heikkilä, research director at the Institute of Migration in Turku, the largest numbers of foreign wives married to Finnish men come from Thailand, Russia and China."

https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/husb ... nd/6563519

Good luck.


Valinnan vapaus
Posts: 66
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2010 4:08 pm

Re: What is happening with the Finnish man? Please advise?

Post by Valinnan vapaus » Wed Jun 26, 2019 10:29 pm

In my acquaintances is a Nepalese woman who was married to a Finn for years. The guy used to be into his booze before they met. He broke his habit. They had a child. Then one day years later he left them both, cutting ties completely and was even heard saying he'd left his job for studying so he "didn't have to pay aliments". I think he'd gotten disillusioned with his uneducated, naive child bride (she was just underage when she moved).

Easy come, easy go. Finnish emotionally unskilled shabby guys who can't get anyone to be interested in them might turn to lower-income countries for one of those easy girls whose whole family is pushing them to get together with him. They're only happy you don't know much about them.

Most of these guys have zero interest in learning your language, even on a basic level. They might do your immigration etc. paperwork for you instead of with you cause it allows them to control you easier if you don't know your rights or how things work. They might even physically abuse you, especially when drunk.

I mean it's sad that these people exist and they certainly aren't living (perhaps never will) happy lives, before or after. I'm not saying every such relationship ends poorly but a lot of them do. Holiday romance is not a good indicator of anything.

Looking at the article the above poster linked, it mentions that conflicts are more common in international marriages, even without anyone getting drunk. So you need a good degree of flexibility and will have to give up some ideas about how child-rearing etc. should work. Personally, I'm also thinking of marrying a foreigner but I want us to first get to know each other well through Skype.


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