Setting up child visitation agreement

dutchguy · Post by **dutchguy** » Tue May 15, 2012 3:06 pm

Hi all, I have posted on this forum in the past but haven't for a while as things had been going fairly ''OK'' with me and my ex. However last visit from them here ended up in a fight.

Problem is, now she doesn't want to let me see my daughter more then once every 1.5 months on Skype and when I want to come visit she said June / July and maybe August are all not possible. Before she asked me if I could take our daughter here with me in the Netherlands, as I am living with my parrents I said I had to check it with them first, she immediately went mental saying that I didn't even want my own daughter there with me etc. Later after checking with my parrents I said I could take her in June (Like she wanted) but that July was better, also I said I thought it was better if I came there to take care of her, as she is only 1.5 years old and is very attached to her mother I thought it would be traumatic for her to suddenly spend a month away from her Mother. She just ended it saying she'd just find somebody else to take care of her as I obviously didn't want her.

She just said today literally that if I annoy her more I will get to see my daughter even less, she has full custody over the child, I do pay 300 euro per month child support but she doesn't mind if I stop paying that she said. I don't want to stop paying my child support, I want to see my daughter on some sort of regular basis, even though the distance makes it hard (I live in Netherlands she lives in Finland). I was wondering what options there are for getting a visitation agreement made up, probably through the court, I am currently unemployed and will start a Masters-degree study in September so I don't have alot of money for Lawyers etc. If anyone could point me in the right direction for getting things set in motion that would be great. Do you also think it would be possible to setup some sort of weekly skype-calls as part of the visitation agreement?

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jahasjahas · Post by **jahasjahas** » Tue May 15, 2012 7:14 pm

I don't know about your actual question, but be careful with the child support. If you stop paying, she's sure to use that against you.

dutchguy · Post by **dutchguy** » Tue May 15, 2012 7:22 pm

Thanks, I wasn't planning to stop paying, after all even even she says I don't have to pay, the money is for my Child not for her. My question was how I should go about getting a visitation agreement mediated through court.

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Wed May 16, 2012 1:20 pm

dutchguy wrote: She just said today literally that if I annoy her more I will get to see my daughter even less, she has full custody over the child, I do pay 300 euro per month child support but she doesn't mind if I stop paying that she said. I don't want to stop paying my child support, I want to see my daughter on some sort of regular basis, even though the distance makes it hard (I live in Netherlands she lives in Finland). I was wondering what options there are for getting a visitation agreement made up, probably through the court, I am currently unemployed and will start a Masters-degree study in September so I don't have alot of money for Lawyers etc. If anyone could point me in the right direction for getting things set in motion that would be great. Do you also think it would be possible to setup some sort of weekly skype-calls as part of the visitation agreement?

I think this is a hopeless case. You have given up all your rights, even when we warned you many times. (yes, I went over 5 pages of the other topic).
Now you have to get a lawyer and fight an existing situation you agreed on.

Rinso at Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:40 am wrote:I have the impression you have ignored advice to guaranty your rights because you didn't want lawyers involved. Now you're paying without any leverage to see or talk to your daughter. It might already be to late to repair the damage.

Työelämä · Post by **Työelämä** » Wed May 16, 2012 7:40 pm

Why are you dragging this issue for too long Mr. Dutchguy ? Go pick- up the baby to Holland for the month of June , your baby is not too young to stay out of her mum for 1 month , the baby is already 1.6 year old, there are babies whose mothers passed away after birth and still living with the fathers alone and doing very well. You have a good opportuinity to spend time with your baby and your parents now and you want to throw it away and taking a long step by inviting police into it. Stop the quarells and be the man for your baby !

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Wed May 16, 2012 9:17 pm

Työelämä wrote: your baby is not too young to stay out of her mum for 1 month , the baby is already 1.6 year old, there are babies whose mothers passed away after birth and still living with the fathers alone and doing very well.

Do you yourself think that your making any sense here what so ever?

Työelämä · Post by **Työelämä** » Wed May 16, 2012 9:24 pm

Rip wrote:
Työelämä wrote: your baby is not too young to stay out of her mum for 1 month , the baby is already 1.6 year old, there are babies whose mothers passed away after birth and still living with the fathers alone and doing very well.
Do you yourself think that your making any sense here what so ever?

Where is the no sense making you do not grasp ? he has an opportuinity to be with the baby he is throwing it away and chasing slippery grounds.

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Wed May 16, 2012 9:57 pm

Työelämä wrote:Where is the no sense making you do not grasp ?

That your reasoning goes that since there some children have never even known their mothers, naturally a 1.5 half year old that has always lived with her mother (and mother alone) will not be stressed by being away from her for an extended period?

Sure he has made mistakes (such as "I said I had to check it with them (my parents) first"), but primarily by having a child with wrong woman. Nothing that can be done with that any more...

Työelämä · Post by **Työelämä** » Wed May 16, 2012 10:12 pm

Rip wrote:
Työelämä wrote:Where is the no sense making you do not grasp ?
That your reasoning goes that since there some children have never even known their mothers, naturally a 1.5 half year old that has always lived with her mother (and mother alone) will not be stressed by being away from her for an extended period?

Sure he has made mistakes (such as "I said I had to check it with them (my parents) first"), but primarily by having a child with wrong woman. Nothing that can be done with that any more...

The baby should also be stressed without seeing her father for a long period of time, and with the OP statement, his ex is planning looking for someone to care for the baby while she will be away, sure the baby will be missing her mum or may not miss her while she spends time with the father and his parents the possibility is there, if people can entrust their child on nanies, friends, relatives or grandparents while they are on trips to somewhere i see this invitation by his Ex to be welcoming, and he should build on it and apply wisdom .

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Wed May 16, 2012 10:44 pm

Työelämä wrote: The baby should also be stressed without seeing her father for a long period of time

Contact seems to be less than most children here would have with their uncles and aunts (even if they would not be living in the same town), so stress for not seeing him can't be more either. Socially, the child has never had a father (or at least it isn't 'dutchguy').

dutchguy · Post by **dutchguy** » Tue May 22, 2012 2:07 pm

Hi Guys, first of all thanks for all the replies. As for taking my daughter here in June I'd love to, but mother doesn't want that anymore. As soon as I said I was just gonna check it with my parrents cuz it's their house, she said I didn't like my daughter and that it was best I wouldn't see her. She has this black/white thinking alot where it's either all good or all bad, no shades of grey. I see now that giving up custody was not a smart thing to do at all, however this was decided when things between us were still ''ok'' and was decided on, because of the long distance it would be easier if she could decide medical things etc when I wasn't around. All I want is to just be able to see my daughter and be at least a small part of her life, as I think this is best for both myself and the child. My ex threatened that if I go to court she wouldn't show my daughter on skype anymore at all, and would simply terminate her internet contract so she couldn't skype, this has made me hesitate about going to court in case things escalate further and I won't see my child at all anymore. She has said I can call my daughter every week, so I am doing that now, although she doesn't speak so I can't really hear much, and has said that last weeks of August should be ok for visiting so I am going to see my daughter over there that time, perhaps while I am there I can inquire about options regarding visitation agreements etc.

Also one final note regarding me offering to take care of my daughter there instead of taking her here, I know my daughter and she is very attached to her mother, taking her away for a month would just be traumatizing at this age, of course I would take her her, I love my little girl, which is why I offered to take care of her there in a familiar enviroment. Even her grandparrents which she sees often have a very hard time getting her to sleep when mom isn't there.

AldenG · Post by **AldenG** » Tue May 22, 2012 7:07 pm

I can't remember from your earlier posts whether you said there is a social worker involved.

This woman sounds like she has such serious cognitive / emotional issues that one wonders whether she is even fit to be caring for a child so young.

dutchguy · Post by **dutchguy** » Thu May 24, 2012 3:03 pm

There is no social worker involved, and to be honest I have to say she does a good job at raising our daughter. Or well I would do alot of things differently, but she's not by any means abusing our daughter or treating her bad, I would say she's even pampering her (which I think isn't good, but better then neglect for sure). She acusses me of being unstable even though I have a job and do rather well in life in general. Last week she said I could always call to hear my daughter on the phone, but today I asked what time was best to call she said she was busy and didn't have time, so I asked her if there was any other moment that I could make a quick call and she just replied with no. I would really just like to have some regular time to call my daughter and visit her, but she is making it very difficult, always switching the dates when I can come to visit because of her hollidays etc, yet if I would do something like that she would say something like your xxx is more important then your daughter. Is there anyone here with experience in such a situation? I'm afraid that if I go to court for a visitation agreement it would make things worse and she would allow me to see my daughter even less.

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