Family matters

[Ambrosia]

Hi,

I have some questions regarding having a child and such.
So I live in the Netherlands, ex girlfriend is Finnish we have a son together who lives with his mother.
What I want to know is, if I want to bring my son to visit my parents in the Netherlands and the mother doesn't agree.
Is there anyway to fight this out in court, I'm registered as his biological father and I pay child support.
I'm not really familiar with a father's right and what's not, only the very little that the law favors the mother.

On another note, even though it's best for the child I'm pretty sure it's a case I wouldn't win.
Let's say our son is better off being raised by me for reasons that are too many to be listed.
So beside visiting him twice per year what else can I do but support him financially?
In terms of his upbringing / my rights etc etc.

[Ambrosia]

I wasn't registered as his father then and the other was about something else.

[rinso]

What I want to know is, if I want to bring my son to visit my parents in the Netherlands and the mother doesn't agree.
Is there anyway to fight this out in court, I'm registered as his biological father and I pay child support.

You can always try, but I give you little chance for winning.
And with the cost of the trial you could easily bring your parents to Finland to see your son.

[Flossy1978]

Yes, why not come to Finland with your parents?

Despite how the mother is, she might allow this.

[Ambrosia]

Tried to come there with my father in the summer but she was being difficult about it.
We would have stayed in a hotel and all, and my dad wanted to go but it didn't happen.
Contacted social welfare as well due to a lot of issues regarding our son's well being but they haven't replied since either.

Child is dropped into bed earlier than usual so she can play world of warcraft
Invited 2 guys she met on WoW from another country, 1 week after the other they were there.
Even though there were 2 people in the house my son almost choked to death on a frozen strawberry because she was on teamspeak.
And the people she game with can hear (as well as I whenever I try to call her) that she's ignoring the child and/or yelling at him.
Not to mention she leaves our son with the guys and goes out...sadest part I can't do a damn thing about it.
Maybe when he's dead she'll be content...

[Flossy1978]

You need to keep contacting the social services, even if you don't live in the country.

How are you finding out these things anyway? Who is telling you? If it's someone from Finland telling you, why don't you get them to help with the social services?

[Ambrosia]

Let's put it this way, the only way to find out how things are there or about my son is by checking her Facebook.
And I've known her long enough to know when she's lying so I approached some people she games with.
So yeah I'm spying? She had Skype since I came back from Finland in April not once did she tell me about it.
Instead I have to pursue her in order to hear my son's voice, telephone bills thus far 960,- euro over 9 months period.
I got/had a new person from child welfare and gave her lengthily explanation not sure why she doesn't reply or give me an update of how things went.
It's clear the mother doesn't want anything to do with me, except when she needs something.
But our differences aside I really do not approve her lifestyle or how our son is being treated or raised.

Now there's a funny side to this story, she's behind with her rent by 1 month and in April she won't get any salary.
Which means she will be behind with the rent for 2 months, which I believe will make her homeless.
The way I see it it's best she loses the house and she will be forced to live with her mother at least then she won't be able to game every day and ignore our son.
It's her mom's house so at least someone will be able to keep an eye on our son + have a saying in how and what.

[Flossy1978]

The right thing for you if you are truly concerned about your child is to get your arse over here to Finland.

Learn the language, make a stable life and then you can prove your ex to be an unfit mother. You may not be able to take your son away from his mum, but you would be more in his life.

And I think social services are treading carefully these days with the tragedy of the poor 8 year old girl who was murdered, who was let down by social services. Ok, that was a whole different thing than what you are dealing with.

Facebook is just Facebook. It's not reality. Only way you'll know what is going on is if you come and partake properly in your child's upbringing. Holland is apart of the EU. What's stopping you?

[Ambrosia]

If I move to another country I'll lose my finance, and what has been going on I confirmed with 3 different people.
One of them being one of the guy that was there last month, about our son choking she hesitated but told me after a while.
What she didn't tell me though is that there were 2 people in the house that could have kept an eye on him or that she was gaming.

[Flossy1978]

So you put money over your child's welfare? If all that is happening is true, you should have been on a plane to Finland a long time ago. Not being worried about losing money. Money is only money afterall. A child's life, your child's life should be worth more than any money you could possibly receive.

[Ambrosia]

Where am I going to stay then and with what money?
My son's life is more important than anything but what can I do if someone is at her house?
Because of the up/down trips I'm in debt with my parents as well so just buying a plane ticket and barging in isn't a solution.

I told her one thing this year (broke up with her last year since then I've been myself compared to when I was with her).
I told take time off, relax and spend time with our son he's all that matters, and she goes and drown herself in WoW and bring guys over.
That's exactly the opposite of providing stability for our son, I would have paid the rent and all as well.
But I lost it when I found out she made me make high costs by not telling me she had Skype...hell not once did she offer to let me hear his voice.

Willing to bring him to the Netherlands for a month or 2 so she can regain herself and not be so stressed.
But that's not gonna happen because she doesn't want him to be in Holland, as Dutch is a ugly language (yet she's having sex with Dutch guys <--- I found this funny).
What I can say is she needs therapy because something about her that doesn't make her function as a normal human being.
If she lives with her mom after she loses the house at least someone responsible will be around.

Got a reply from my ex, 3 weeks later and that's only because child welfare contacted her:

did you inform social services.about daniel? now they are coming here for.nothing im not abusing my son hes.healthy and.happy.

[Flossy1978]

Guess you shouldn't have left Finland in the first place.

You can't really know if she really spends the whole time on WOW or she's neglecting your child. Any child could choke in a room full of people watching said child. I am not defending her. You just know what you read and what some person said. Who really knows what is going on?

[Ambrosia]

I understand what you're trying to say, but I've lived with her for over 5 years.
I know her better than she knows herself and these people are close to her as they do raids together and are all on voice so they can hear what's going on.
And things were confirmed by her and the parties I spoke to, I think that's more than enough believe it's so.
Also her character activity feed can be seen by anyone and it clearly shows she games daily and that her skype is online from morning till night.

[Oombongo]

I don't know what exactly are you expecting here in this forum because people have wrote the best advices they could give you, as anyone else in an Internet forum. Dealing with social services is your best bet, and for this your presence is required. People have written this a few times.
If you are looking for sympathy then you should get it from people in real life, not from online people who are nothing more than bits and bytes.

[Ambrosia]

Thanks captain obvious...
The thread is meant to gain information of what I can do and who to reach out to (which I had already done last week).
Everything else is just an extra which is helpful in a lot of ways.