Post
by Finnmom » Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:09 am
finlandfin--Where are this girl's parents???
Let's just all hope that this was some kind of a joke. (i have a 16-year-old daughter, and you would have your head pinched off if you came near, but maybe you will be getting what you ask for--so this is for you--i can tell you from experience that every word is true!) this was actually written to parents, who are usually the ones dealing with teenaged girls.
TEENAGED GIRL OWNER'S MANUAL
Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenage girl. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your new teenager, and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund).
IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGED GIRL IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new teenager carefully. Does she
(a) look very similar to your original, only with more makeup and less clothing?
(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)?
(c) sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?
If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though.
BREAK-IN PERIOD: When you first receive your teenager, you will initially experience a high level of discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the "Break-In Period," during which you are becoming accustomed to certain behaviors that will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.
ACTIVATION: To activate your teenaged girl, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone. No further programming is required.
SHUTDOWN: Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your teenaged girl. There is no way to do this.
CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Having a teenaged girl means learning the difference between the words "clean" and "neat." Teenaged girls are very clean, because they take frequent showers that last more than an hour. They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps which you must purchase for them because like I'm sure I'm going to use like the same kind of soap you use. When they have completely drained the hot-water tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to pick up the towels, you are confusing "clean" with "neat." Teenagers are very busy and do not have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them.
FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED GIRL: Your teenaged girl requires regular meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because it is like so disgusting. Either order take-out food or just give her the money, preferably both.
CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED GIRL: Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly sensible clothing which will look adorable on your girl. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections which are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged girl wants to dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the schoolhouse door, she will be wearing something entirely different.
OTHER MAINTENANCE: Teenaged girls require one of two levels of maintenance: "High," and "Ultra High." Yours is "Ultra High." This means that whatever you do won't be enough and whatever you try won't work.
