I need advice urgent about my situation please

[mCowboy]

[Zakaria]

the answer about neuvola card , i have not see any card yet ...if she has it , she may hide it ....all i seen is green book where she date when she give birth to babe and write the time she visit doctor ..this book has names on the front PREDO ..AND....Raskauspäiväkirja
SO I DUNOO WAT THIS WORDS IN FINNISH MEANS....

[kitty wonka]

zakaria -- first, my husband is a cuban and we have also just arrived here (altho, i am an american and we met and arrived from moscow). we are in helsinki.

i think you should contact the cuban association in finland. all i have to hand at the moment is a magazine which is mostly in finnish with some spanish as well. some contact info which might be of help is as follows:

http://www.kuubaseura.fi
http://www.kuuba.org

in the meantime, please hang in there. friday morning, i will call a friend of ours who works with the cuban association in finland and may be able to provide some sort of direction for you.

[aguinness]

Zakaria, I have no experience with this type of situation at all, I think if you are paying rent or paying any expenses for the keeping of the home, you should try to have receipts for these payments. I also think no matter how it goes against your morals you should keep a diary of your wifes activities. hope everything works out for you all.

[Zakaria]

thank you very much for ur help...
unfortunetly i dont pay rent cuz i dont work and the reason i dont work cuz i dont have work permit ....
my wife is putting pressure on me to work in the black market which i refused to do .....i dont want to get caught and be deported back .....
so she is the oen who is working at the mom and she is the one who pay rent ....is that means she has all right to kickme out of the house?

yes i started to do dairy about her activities cuz i dont trust her any more .....at the mom i dont know wat is going in her head and wat plans she has for me ...as i dont see her most fo the day ....our house become like a hotel , she only come for 5 min to watch TV and sleep in the sofa or go back to her family and sleep with them .

i feel like i am married to diferent person as she changed completly once she got pregnant ...cant be that normal....yesterday i find out some lies she said to her friend ....as one of her friend is worried about me ....and she askedme a quesiton which i replied to her and her firend now chocked with her lie ....i duno wat to do ....i need some device to record her so i can proov to the finnish government i am very innocent man who is victim of this relationship ...and she is the the guilty one.....

any ideas guys what i can do ....?????????

i know in the past , she is been married 2wice and had one child with one of her ex and lsot the custody of it ..... i wonder what is the reason behind this ...i wish i know as i am very curious and she will never tellme the reason.
so now my case is pending with police , if police want to call me for another interview i am sure she wont come with me so i can be deported and she is left with babe.

[Sara]

It sounds to me like she is avoiding you. I think that you should try and talk to her and see what is going on.

I dont think you will like this but it does sound like her feelings have changed. Maybe she is just stressed about money and bringing the baby into your relationship.

You might not like the outcome of the discussion, but at least you will know where you stand and if there is anything you can do to improve it. Knowing will be better than this limbo and worry.

[Zakaria]

everytime something happened i like to type it here....my wife was aproved to be a liar ....by her friends ...and not only liar ...now i am told more serious stuff...i was told by her friend and also who has been told by two others that my wife is suffering from mental illeness...what type of mental Illens i have no idea i still need to find out ......is it a game that she wants to play to plan for something?????
if she suffer from mental Illeness that means she has right for abortion ....and she can do it any time ....if she did not do abortion , and gave birth to the babe do u tihnk she will have custody for the babe knowing that she suffering mental illness?.....she is acting very strange even towards her friends ....i was told ....if she has mental problem i want to help her as i love her so much ...I am confused ....shall i trust what her friend tellingme about her illeness ?is it something that all plan for me .......i feel like i am in the middle ....i dunno what to do ....
can anyone who understand finnish explain to me wat is that means please?

paniikkihäiriö

thank you ..

[raamv]

paniikkihäiriö

thank you ..

paniikkihäiriö= panic disorder

[Rob A.]

Zakaria...now as one male to another let me tell you this. Sit down, calm yourself and accept this reality... No matter what, the only person you have any control over is yourself. You cannot control your wife or anyone else. That's life. Now if your wife has mental problems...well, if she doesn't want treatment, do you really think there's anything you can do about?? And wouldn't you want her out of your life, anyway...(you can make sure you've arranged for access rights to any child that might be born.) Now your biggest problem, I think, is that you are in a new country and all your social support is back home in Cuba...you have no one you trust to talk to....and that's tough.

So I think what you have to do to answer the questions that actually can be answered is consult with a good immigration lawyer. Maybe someone in the Forum can give you some leads. Find out what your legal rights are. Then I would try to find someone you can trust on a social level...Might be a bit hard to do on short notice in reserved Finland... But try...someone who will be realistic and not just tell you what they think you want to hear...

And I think you should take control of your life... Do what it takes so you have the feeling you are back in control of your own life... It's hard to give advice on that...we're all a bit different, but do whatever it takes...

Personally I'm of the firm belief you cannot let a woman run your life, no matter what...but, hey, that's personal and I'm sure there might have been women out there who actually could have run my life better than I have...though it's never been any of the women I've ever met... Hmmm... somehow I think I might be digging a deep hole for myself here...

So get a grip, toughen up, and try to enjoy...if that's the right word...the ride... Falling apart after your first marriage is just giving up too easily...Wait until marriage three or four... You're not the first one who's had to travel this road...no matter what the "social centre" may have said... And they sound like a right bunch of bureaucrats to me...

[EP]

Panic disorder is nothing like scitzofrenia or manic/depressive illness. It usually doesn´t affect peoples behaviour on everyday bases. For example Wikipedia says that it is often connected to agoraphobia (an unreasonable fear of open spaces), and that it is most common in young women. I had a couple of attacks when I was in my early twenties. With me it wasn´t connected to agoraphobia, it was connected to claustrophobia (fear of being caught into some small space / being unable to move). The nuisance was gone by the time I was 30, and just by itself, in those days it wasn´t even recognized as something that should be treated. Claustrophobia stays, in movies or concerts I always have to have a place that is last in a row so that I know that I have a clear way to "escape".

I also have a friend (a 50+ man) who has panic disorder. It limits his life in a way that he is unable to fly, and always has to shop in small markets or shops, never a big department store. But I would never say that he has mental illness. He has a disorder. Last time he had a panic attack was a couple of years ago when he decided to do his Christmas shopping at Stockmanns. They had to call an ambulance, breathing into a paper bag didn´t help.

Zakaria, contact those Cuba/Finland organizations which Kitty Wonka gave the contact links. I am sure that you will get support and also practical info of what to do.

[Zakaria]

I had to face her and i did cuz i want to know what is going on ...if she doesnt wantme to say so .....i want to know wat is going on in her head , cuz she like to fight for small things , she spend only 5 minutes every day at home and in that 5 minutes she like to find small exucse to fight and getme angry ....and if she wants something from me she gaveme fake smile and ask for it....very strange.....i had to face and tol her : look you r acting very strange and everytime u come home u like to provoc a fight and getme angry ...wat is all that about? and also u keep going u dont trsutme and etc...now u have to giveme reasons , and i am sure you have reasons why you say this and do that ....she says: i dont have any reason which makesme laugh ....but i started to understand her game .....her previous marriage had to report the ex husband ...but now she wantedme to leav with my own choice and she has somethign to say to police that she did not ask me out , it is me who decided toleave and they cant say nothing to her ...ah welll.....i am not leaving until she says so .....and i want to know my rights about leaving the house too, cuz some pple who work in crisis foreigner office say that she can jsut ask me out and leave the house doesnt work that way ...she is the sponsor and she said in the paper that i am under her sponsorship , and i am married ot her and she is pregnant ...so to kickme out is not easy step we need to go through procedures here......anybody knows about this procedure letme know please and God bless you all.

[Zakaria]

hey tummansininen

thank you for supportingme with your answers , you are great person.

about volunteer work : i am not allowed to study or work any type of work even volunterr one until i get answer from police apporoving my permit.
and if i do this type of volunteer work it may be the best chance to call the police for me and advised them that i dont respect the law of the land.. i am so careful with her ....

I contacted one of the school to know some information online , about learning finnish language ....and my wife got very angry with me tellingme that i stuff up my papers by doing this .....i said did i commit a crime?i did not why i stuff up my papers for .....she only wants exuses ..........

i understand the pressure we live in ....i am trying to support her as much as i can .....by doing other things like cooking ....cleaning the house....

even my brother who live overseas sendme bit of money to help with food here .....

this monday her freidns will contact the hospital to inform them about her situation (mental illeness)....this is wat one of her friend toldme ....cuz she changes like a climat so much ....hot and cold .....

i dont know how to get hold of HANK ...SO I CAN GET LEGAL HELP FROM HIM ....Can you send him a message and ask him to helpme out with legal advices please?

[peyote]

zakaria,
enviame un mensaje privado con tu telefono para llamarte y ponerte en contacto con otros cubanos que tal vez te puedan ayudar. como puedes deducir yo tambien soy cubano. mi mujer (kitty wonka) te ha enviado un mensaje y no has respondido. es que acaso no lees los mensajes privados?
vamos, espero tu sen~al!

[Zakaria]

I AM LOOKING FOR HANK AS I NEED HIS HELP PLEASE.

[sinikettu]

i dont know how to get hold of HANK ...SO I CAN GET LEGAL HELP FROM HIM ....Can you send him a message and ask him to helpme out with legal advices please?

Hank is not a lawyer..he is a Finnish IT/Computor engineer.

I am sure that he has read this thread but I doubt if he has a solution...
If the Immigration authorities say that your case is "weak" ...
Reading what you have posted...they seem to be correct...
Perhaps someone has an idea as to what you can do to make your case less weak...??