Well yes Cory this is exactly what I'm worried about.
But then, what do you do if you have an unplanned pregnancy and prior to finding out, you drank a few glasses of wine? Or a week later, a couple of beers (like I did)? Do you have an abortion because of the FAS possibilities??! I didn't know I was pregnant! I didn't drink a massive amount either. What do you do? I clearly don't want to bring a child into this world with development disorders etc, but then, there must be alot of women out there who have done as I have and have had prefectly healthy babies (and children later on) What do you do??
Know anything about alcohol fetal syndrome? Or abortions?
Discuss all your concerns with the nurse/doctor when you go for the check up. Discuss with your partner all the different scenarios and do what's best for your individual situation.
Having a child was the LAST thing on my to do list and in all honesty I really thought I'd never even have one. Life can throw you unexpected curves and when it does, you must sit down and think rationally without making any hasty decisions. You'll ultimately do what's right for both of you.
Having a child was the LAST thing on my to do list and in all honesty I really thought I'd never even have one. Life can throw you unexpected curves and when it does, you must sit down and think rationally without making any hasty decisions. You'll ultimately do what's right for both of you.
I have to say that there is no way in this world I could give birth to a child and then put it up for adoption. I'd already ruled out that option to be honest. It would be far too traumatic (for me) than even having an abortion!
I'm currently swinging in favour of the early medical abortion. I think thats best really -- I'm really not bonding with the foetus. Its just not the right time- I have to finish my masters in order to get any sort of job back in the UK. And if I keep the foetus and give up the masters (or come back here after a maternity leave) I think my employment prospects would be quite bleak. Do you know what I mean? I've already discovered that its really important for me to have a job I like, doing what I do -- I give up a job to live with the father prior to coming here, and then couldn't find work again, and spent a year thoroughly miserable. So.
I feel that the early medical abortion is the only option I'm afraid.
I have a feeling that the father will want me to come back to where he lives and just give up my course and become a housewife - it'd be a stuggle financially, but then, I'm sure we'd get by somehow. We wouldn't starve anyway. But then, is that in MY best interests? I doubt it.
Plus I reckon my chances of getting post natal depression are really high. I already stuggle with OCD and anxiety and depression anyway, and I'm sure that this might push me over the edge. I just don't see how I can have it.
And having the early medical abortion is just like having a natural miscarriage isn't it?
I don't feel anything bad about having one from a moral or whatever point of view.
Of course I'd keep it if I lived with the father, we would own our own home, and I would have a job, but we just don't.
I'm currently swinging in favour of the early medical abortion. I think thats best really -- I'm really not bonding with the foetus. Its just not the right time- I have to finish my masters in order to get any sort of job back in the UK. And if I keep the foetus and give up the masters (or come back here after a maternity leave) I think my employment prospects would be quite bleak. Do you know what I mean? I've already discovered that its really important for me to have a job I like, doing what I do -- I give up a job to live with the father prior to coming here, and then couldn't find work again, and spent a year thoroughly miserable. So.
I feel that the early medical abortion is the only option I'm afraid.
I have a feeling that the father will want me to come back to where he lives and just give up my course and become a housewife - it'd be a stuggle financially, but then, I'm sure we'd get by somehow. We wouldn't starve anyway. But then, is that in MY best interests? I doubt it.
Plus I reckon my chances of getting post natal depression are really high. I already stuggle with OCD and anxiety and depression anyway, and I'm sure that this might push me over the edge. I just don't see how I can have it.
And having the early medical abortion is just like having a natural miscarriage isn't it?
I don't feel anything bad about having one from a moral or whatever point of view.
Of course I'd keep it if I lived with the father, we would own our own home, and I would have a job, but we just don't.
hmm I really wonder why they say that prevention is better than cure..
If you let some current living choices in your life affect your future, how are you even going to survive bringing up a child/kid later on?
The employment prospects will be weak whether you have this kid or not with tis kinda thinking..
Anyways, I didnt mean anything here personally.....Think about what you ve written and decide whats right for ya!!
Good Luck!!
If you let some current living choices in your life affect your future, how are you even going to survive bringing up a child/kid later on?
The employment prospects will be weak whether you have this kid or not with tis kinda thinking..
I dont know which scale you are using to balance your life choices with work choices..but then again...thats you!!Do you know what I mean? I've already discovered that its really important for me to have a job I like, doing what I do -- I give up a job to live with the father prior to coming here, and then couldn't find work again, and spent a year thoroughly miserable. So.
If you have made a decision, why do you want the whole world to ratify it?I feel that the early medical abortion is the only option I'm afraid.
Without informing and talking to this so called "father", how can you Fell his opinions or decisions or his reaction? This is what I call not communicating.. And expect the Crystal Orb to show his emotions..I have a feeling that the father will want me to come back to where he lives and just give up my course and become a housewife - it'd be a stuggle financially, but then, I'm sure we'd get by somehow. We wouldn't starve anyway. But then, is that in MY best interests? I doubt it.
So much for having inner strength.. All of this can be overcome, if only, you put your mind to rest and start thinking!! It also has to do with lack of self esteem that makes you think that you deserve much less than what you are now...Why dont you think otherwise ?Plus I reckon my chances of getting post natal depression are really high. I already stuggle with OCD and anxiety and depression anyway, and I'm sure that this might push me over the edge. I just don't see how I can have it.
Anyways, I didnt mean anything here personally.....Think about what you ve written and decide whats right for ya!!
Good Luck!!
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Hank W.
- The Motorhead
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- Location: Mushroom Mountain
- Contact:
Actually, you have less career options without a kid. See now the fat cynical bastard looks at the two young women and thinks:
- OK, she's got a kid and is all established.
- Ah, shes young, got boyfriend. Three weeks after I hire her she's going to pop up by magic and then its the maternity leave hell...
Guess which girl gets hired
Best career move is to have the kids young, also if you look at the statistics, the older you get the probabilities of the abnormalities you afear rise.
But believe me as a chauvinist pig Its better for the company to hire someone not going on a mommy leave.
- OK, she's got a kid and is all established.
- Ah, shes young, got boyfriend. Three weeks after I hire her she's going to pop up by magic and then its the maternity leave hell...
Guess which girl gets hired
Best career move is to have the kids young, also if you look at the statistics, the older you get the probabilities of the abnormalities you afear rise.
But believe me as a chauvinist pig Its better for the company to hire someone not going on a mommy leave.
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.
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Amandine.K
- Posts: 872
- Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:40 am
- Location: Helsinki
Apple I wouldn't say an early abortion is similar to a natural miscarriage, it really isn't the same emotionally. A miscarriage is most of the time a wanted pregnancy, thus loosing the embryo is really hard on the woman who already projected herself into what the future will be like with a beautiful healthy baby.
Also you will have to have two doctors to give their approval for an abortion. Think carefully about what your reasons are for this. They won't take the risk of FAS or the "it's not the right time, maybe in a few years" reasons. They will tell you a pregnancy lasts 9 months, plenty of time to arrange things. Just be prepared you know. Abortion really isn't a simple choice. I had my twins in the UK, we didn't have a house (well we rented one), my husband was a freelancer so no regular income, I was a teacher working part-time. Still we managed just fine. I actually think that the UK system was much more helpful in term of financial support than in Finland. But before making any decision you really need to talk to the father.
I wish you all the best, it is one of the thoughest decision one can face.
Also you will have to have two doctors to give their approval for an abortion. Think carefully about what your reasons are for this. They won't take the risk of FAS or the "it's not the right time, maybe in a few years" reasons. They will tell you a pregnancy lasts 9 months, plenty of time to arrange things. Just be prepared you know. Abortion really isn't a simple choice. I had my twins in the UK, we didn't have a house (well we rented one), my husband was a freelancer so no regular income, I was a teacher working part-time. Still we managed just fine. I actually think that the UK system was much more helpful in term of financial support than in Finland. But before making any decision you really need to talk to the father.
I wish you all the best, it is one of the thoughest decision one can face.
I also had a history of depression and I DID get post natal depression, but I think that has a lot more to do with the fact that I was totally alone. From the sounds of it, you would at least have the baby's father in your life and either his or your family as well? Of course ANY mother can suffer from the baby blues, but it passes. If it's too overwhelming, there are places in Finland that can help you. If you stay here you can even move to a special home temporarily with your baby (it's called ensikoti http://www.helsinginensikoti.fi/ie/index.html) to get emotional support and advice on all the how to's of motherhood. The father can even move there with you and you can set up a payment plan so that you only pay according to what you earn. I also believe that if you have no income at all, then it is free (call to make sure though). I think you can stay anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months. There IS help. Not every baby is born into a perfect situation, but believe me if I can do it, ANYONE can.Apple wrote: Plus I reckon my chances of getting post natal depression are really high. I already stuggle with OCD and anxiety and depression anyway, and I'm sure that this might push me over the edge. I just don't see how I can have it.
There are also special hotlines you can call and someone will come to your door at ANY hour of the night to help you if you're in a desperate situation. One night when my daughter was 2 wks old she was crying for 11 hrs straight and I hadn't slept in days and I was still very sore from my c-section, so I called one of these hotlines and 2 women came to my apartment, drove us to a hospital so I could sleep and a midwife took care of my daughter.
Again, I'm not trying to convince you to keep the baby, I'm just responding to what you've written and letting you know that if you do keep it, there WILL be help if you need it.
As for school/work, you can continue your studies after maternity leave and you can put your child in daycare while you do so. I know some mothers who've gone back to school work as early as 3 months and others who wait 3 years. 9 months IS a long time to figure everything out and with TWO people you can get even more accomplished than a single parent ever could.
If you need phone numbers or whatever, let me know
edit: i just noticed you're in turku. here is a link to the number & address to the ensikoti there http://www.turunensi-jaturvakotiry.fi/i ... unensikoti
Apple wrote:I have to finish my masters in order to get any sort of job back in the UK.
That's true for a country with a cushy maternity leave system like Finland.Hank W. wrote:Actually, you have less career options without a kid. See now the fat cynical bastard looks at the two young women and thinks:
- OK, she's got a kid and is all established.
- Ah, shes young, got boyfriend. Three weeks after I hire her she's going to pop up by magic and then its the maternity leave hell...
Guess which girl gets hired
Best career move is to have the kids young, also if you look at the statistics, the older you get the probabilities of the abnormalities you afear rise.
That's is not the case in the UK - if you want to have kids you have to pay for them - expect expensive child care fees.
When you get your first job you are expected to work. Fresh graduates (age 21-23) do not usually come to come with a family in tow.
Best career move is to have kids when your career is under way and you can pay for someone else to look after them, or preferably not have them at all.
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Meri-Tuuli
- Posts: 355
- Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:25 pm
- Location: Finlandia
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Meri-Tuuli
- Posts: 355
- Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:25 pm
- Location: Finlandia
So have you actually peed on a stick yet? Because unless you know for sure either way its stupid to worry yourself.
Women have babies all the time, in less than their ideal circumstances. If you wait for the right time to have a baby you will sit around waiting until its too late.
I dont think the alcohol will have had any effect on such an early stage pregnancy. Work and education can be worked round a baby as long as youre willing to be flexible.
Find out if youre pregnant, if you are you need to talk through things with the father.
Women have babies all the time, in less than their ideal circumstances. If you wait for the right time to have a baby you will sit around waiting until its too late.
I dont think the alcohol will have had any effect on such an early stage pregnancy. Work and education can be worked round a baby as long as youre willing to be flexible.
Find out if youre pregnant, if you are you need to talk through things with the father.
I am so happy!
I am pregnant, and I am going to have the medical pill abortion. I saw the gynecologist and he said it would be simple and like having a regular period (I said, is it that simple? And he was like 'yes, its so early on and then waved his hand in dismissal).
And, for the record, the embryo (for thats what the gynecologist called it) hasn't attached itself properly to my blood supply yet - it does that in week 6 - so there is no chance of any drugs or alcohol harming it until then. So there is no danger of FAS until week 6 whatsoever. And he said that women wouldn't be drinking AT ALL if there was this danger - everyone would be too worried.
So. I'm seeing him again on Thursday and he'll sort out the forms for me and make the apointment at the hospital. I can even stay over night, which I probably will do (I'm a hypochondriac as you might be able to tell!).
I spoke with the father today, and explained everything and he was fully supportive. Probably a touch relieved, although he was quite keen at one stage for keeping it, but in the cold light of day, I think we both knew it wasn't right for us just now.
I have no qualms whatsoever about going through with this- it is the right thing to do. I am certain about that. The gynecologist even said that as I am so early, it is nothing really. And certainly, I have no great dread about killing my baby or anything like that. I've already called it Ritva - a name which I dont particulary like.
Anyway for me, this is no different from using contraception, or using the morning after pill or using birth control. Some birth control works by not allowing the embryo to implant - so, in effect, women are having abortions every month! I was joking with the father about how many beautiful children we'd have had by now if we'd not have used contraception - we've been together for 5 years now, and we're going to be together for the rest of our lives.
I'm so relieved. I bet you'll all say 'oh you'll regret it one day' - well, maybe so, but I'll then regret not finishing my masters too. Of course I want children one day, probably in about a year - I've already promised my bf we'll try when I live with him again - and I think my body and fertility can wait one more year. And I'll be super healthy in this year and probably take birth control to 'suspend' my ovary.
So. A great relief!
I mean, I've been panicking about nothing (as I often do) - our contraception failed, our chromosomes fused, and now I have an embryo - but I that will go with the pill I'm going to take, that will induce my period (thats what the gyn said it would do anyway). So. Thats that. I can finsih my course and in a year we'll try properly, when we're both ready and it'll be lovely.......
Now I'm certain this procedure is for me, I'm abit worried about having to go into hospital - I hate hospitals!
I'm afraid I'm not going to check this thread anymore because of some not very helpful and rather insensitive replies I've had. But I thought that I'd let everyone know what was going on. Please, if you have something nice to say, feel free to pm me......
I am pregnant, and I am going to have the medical pill abortion. I saw the gynecologist and he said it would be simple and like having a regular period (I said, is it that simple? And he was like 'yes, its so early on and then waved his hand in dismissal).
And, for the record, the embryo (for thats what the gynecologist called it) hasn't attached itself properly to my blood supply yet - it does that in week 6 - so there is no chance of any drugs or alcohol harming it until then. So there is no danger of FAS until week 6 whatsoever. And he said that women wouldn't be drinking AT ALL if there was this danger - everyone would be too worried.
So. I'm seeing him again on Thursday and he'll sort out the forms for me and make the apointment at the hospital. I can even stay over night, which I probably will do (I'm a hypochondriac as you might be able to tell!).
I spoke with the father today, and explained everything and he was fully supportive. Probably a touch relieved, although he was quite keen at one stage for keeping it, but in the cold light of day, I think we both knew it wasn't right for us just now.
I have no qualms whatsoever about going through with this- it is the right thing to do. I am certain about that. The gynecologist even said that as I am so early, it is nothing really. And certainly, I have no great dread about killing my baby or anything like that. I've already called it Ritva - a name which I dont particulary like.
Anyway for me, this is no different from using contraception, or using the morning after pill or using birth control. Some birth control works by not allowing the embryo to implant - so, in effect, women are having abortions every month! I was joking with the father about how many beautiful children we'd have had by now if we'd not have used contraception - we've been together for 5 years now, and we're going to be together for the rest of our lives.
I'm so relieved. I bet you'll all say 'oh you'll regret it one day' - well, maybe so, but I'll then regret not finishing my masters too. Of course I want children one day, probably in about a year - I've already promised my bf we'll try when I live with him again - and I think my body and fertility can wait one more year. And I'll be super healthy in this year and probably take birth control to 'suspend' my ovary.
So. A great relief!
I mean, I've been panicking about nothing (as I often do) - our contraception failed, our chromosomes fused, and now I have an embryo - but I that will go with the pill I'm going to take, that will induce my period (thats what the gyn said it would do anyway). So. Thats that. I can finsih my course and in a year we'll try properly, when we're both ready and it'll be lovely.......
Now I'm certain this procedure is for me, I'm abit worried about having to go into hospital - I hate hospitals!
I'm afraid I'm not going to check this thread anymore because of some not very helpful and rather insensitive replies I've had. But I thought that I'd let everyone know what was going on. Please, if you have something nice to say, feel free to pm me......