Help - Seperation costs

[EP]

OK, I red raamv´s answer. He is right.

[Ed L]

Sorry Raamv
Just seen that sarcasm was the MO for this forum - not trying to belitte yours or anyone's contribution.

Not sure about the "history" but they both agreed that too much fighting to stay together (not good for their young son if parents always arguing). The "who leaves?" question was as I understand (it I wasn't around at the time) a rational discussion as what was most sensible. I think both parties assumed they'd sell the house quickly so my gf didn't think that by agreeing to be the one that moved out would cause her hardship. As I wrote I don't think husband planned to stay, but maye got beguiled by a misleading valuation of house and now doesn't feel need to move because in best case he sells and gets good price for the house and in the worse case he gets a house to live in - half paid for.

Sorry again if my flippancy annoyed - I was just trying to with an extreme case, point out that there is something strange with a system that supports inequity. E.g. what happens if person got drunk most weeks and other left because afraid to be in same house (use this example as another parallel post shows that this happens)

[raamv]

hmmm I still dont see the inequity here..
As EP and others pointed out, if she decided to move but want "rent" for the 50% of the house, tell her to tell him that she is gonna sign up a rental agreement to a family of children..for her share of the house...Well it aint going to end up amicable for sure...but then...
her money situation is solved..
So instead of asking in this forum..how come a normal discussion on separation was not help without discussion details like these?

[Ed L]

As I wrote neither thought that this would drag on and I guess when seperating people don't take all rational scenarios into account.

I do know that my brother in the UK had to pay his wife's rent when she left - the UK courts argument was OK you both agreed not to live together so the full costs of seperate living should be split.

Attitudes here seem to favour the one that insists that they will stay in the house. My example was to show that this could be abused - i.e. make it really difficult for the other to stay on in the house or even if not like that -if couple has a 1 bed studio difficult to share.

I do think the rental option is a good idea because it may hurry the process up and provide potential income if the ex is sure he will not move come what may.

[stevoe]

Send me your email please....I have a pdf file that my friend sent me when I got divorced here..not sure if there is something in it which will help you but there is a lot of good info , all in English....

OR if there is a way to attach it here, let me know

steve

[Hank W.]

From the advice on the forum I think I will set up house with a Finn, break up then refuse to move and put the house up for sale for €10million

Hey Presto 50% of living costs paid for the rest of my life - or until her big brother comes for a "quiet word"!!!!

Called the bank that brother is. As usually two people cosign the mortgage the cosigner is the one who automatically takes the burden of the mortgage; or then the bank forecloses the property. Shags your credit rating, but after the bank auctions the house for 10 grand to the bank managers nephew, you still have the mortgage left to pay for.

[Herukka]

I agree about rent. He uses also her half of the house. Maybe she should tell him that for financial reasons she has to rent half of the house to some outsider. Like a group of construction workers. Or a family with 5 children.

And also I agree about the rent. Because both of them own the house, and having a house causes all kind of expenses, why on Earth shoud he get everything for free?

What if that he's living in the house is one of those reasons that the house don't sell? People looking for a house may think that what if he gets nasty and don't move away even after the house is sold...

[Mölkky-Fan]

Sorry to say, but this is the court's decision. There are many things which they will know about the situation which we will not... if you just want some sympathy you should go to Tea and Sympathy.

Maybe the man is pissed that his wife (divorce is ongoing I understand) has a new partner, and therefore taking his time to sell the house on.
By the way Ed, have you been married? and what would you think if your wife was with someone else? pretty mad I guess.... maybe enough to stay in your house a bit longer...

Also to be the bearer of bad news, divorce is often a two sided situation. In this terrible position often both people do wrong, stupid, vengeful or mindless things... but it is still an arguement between two dissappointed, upset, abused people.
I am fairly sure that your partner has given her side of the story... I think the man might have a different story.

[Ed L]

Thanks everyone.

I agree 100% Mölkky fan - 2 sides to the story and that he is probably making it difficult. Don't want sympathy for that - just to see if he can legally drag his heels for a long long time - Hank's point that it is not in either party's interest to get it to a bank foreclosure makes it feel like a costly game of "chicken". AND yes MF I'd also be MAD too if I were him - hopefully her finding someone new didn't change his attitude to the house sale.

Also thanks for the notion that it might be his presence that is stopping the house. Reminds me of a Men Behaving Badly episode where the men boiled cabbage and pretended to be Welsh to put off potential flat buyers! Oh and before I get any irate Welsh people I have nothing against the Welsh!!

Will PM you Stevoe thanks very much that document would be interesting

[littlefrank]

'Also to be the bearer of bad news, divorce is often a two sided situation. In this terrible position often both people do wrong, stupid, vengeful or mindless things... but it is still an arguement between two dissappointed, upset, abused people.'

You forgot the child Mölkky-Fan who is inevitably going to suffer because of what is happening between the parents.

[Hank W.]

AND yes MF I'd also be MAD too if I were him - hopefully her finding someone new didn't change his attitude to the house sale.

Oh, he's one of those stoics. I'd burned the house already.

Reminds me of a Men Behaving Badly episode where the men boiled cabbage and pretended to be Welsh to put off potential flat buyers!

Theres a few flats being sold in my block... maybe I should go borrow a goat for next Sunday

[Ed L]

Good point LF and that is one of the reasons that my girlfriend is not pushing i.e. even if it's crippling her finances she is ensuring that the child has a proper home whichever parent that he is with.

And to be fair to the ex - he is also trying to keep things civil for the sake of their boy. Just happy free-riding on her housing dollar....!

Hank watch out - if the prospective tenants are Welsh they may see a goat next door as a good selling point

[enk]

If the situation is bothering your gf, she could ask the
same questions on any of the Finnish-language fora on
the net.

Hank: too bad it's this weekend, I could've loaned you my 3
urchins ;D

-enk

[Mölkky-Fan]

'Also to be the bearer of bad news, divorce is often a two sided situation. In this terrible position often both people do wrong, stupid, vengeful or mindless things... but it is still an arguement between two dissappointed, upset, abused people.'

You forgot the child Mölkky-Fan who is inevitably going to suffer because of what is happening between the parents.

Absolutely LF, my mistake... but I do believe that it is better for a child these days to be part of a divorced -but still civil and caring- family than to be in a house with continuous arguing, fighting, abuse etc.
Child(ren) should always be the number 1 concern in these situations.

I agree 100% Mölkky fan

Wow, you are nice!... would you like to have an affair with my wife?

[Ed L]

I'm an accountant / business controller so :

1) Not nice
2) Not interesting enough to have an affair