A dad prepares for unwanted divorce

[Pikeman]

Thank you Cory, Ron and others for all your advice. I will certainly look into them.

My wife is relentless. Despite the fact that I have informed her both verbally and in writing that she will receive no more money from me until we have some official agreements she continues to e-mail me looking for money. Already three different requests in the last few days.

As she took ½ of our savings the day I agreed to moved out (to begin our trial seperation) I have no worries that she will run out of money soon.

It seems strange that she feels entitled to ½ of our savings but she should only pay 1/3 of the bills because her salary is lower than mine.

However I am concerened that our joint account will soon be emptied of remaining funds and then bills will no longer get paid. Thankfully most of them are in her name. The laywer says that as we have no formal agreement I am not obliged to pay her anything! And as I do not reside in the family home neither am I obliged to pay for its upkeep.

Any comments, input, experiences that anyone would like to share?

- Pikeman

[rinso]

Get selfish!

Yes! Or more precise; Make sure you get the maximum financial deal out of this divorce. When you control the funds, you can decide how to spend it and who gets what.

[Pikeman]

Hi All,

I have been very surprised, in a positive way, with the large number of visitors to this, my first post. Within one week I have been provided with sound advice and knowledge on the public board. In addition to all you see here, there has been great support offered in the form of PM's.

At this stage I have been in contact with the "Sosiaaliasiamies", "Lastenvalvoja", a lawyer at the "Oikeusaputoimisto", a bank advisor and real estate agent.

I understand better now what is going on, how the divorce process should proceed, my obligations and my rights. I have made my wife aware of some of the important details which she seems to have been "confused" about. I am also more aware of the contents of the agreements I mentioned in the original post and I am seeking further assistance.

I have shared this information with my eldest children (18 and 16) who despite the fact that they have difficulty discussing these issues, said that they were pleased that they too got a better understanding of what is happening and what type of changes to expect and prepare for.

Discussions with my wife continue to be difficult but there was a major effort this evening.........

Time is booked next week with the "Laasten valvoja" where we sit and try to put the basic Parental Plan together. I have no confidence that we will make any agreement yet. I have informed my wife that I will only sign the agreement if it is in English. I explained that she has fooled me already and I am not willing to take any more chances.

As the agreements do yet exist, I have paid much less money into our joint account this month. She also refuses to pay me rent, which my lawyer says I am entitled to, being joint owner of our house. She also refuses to give me her lawyers details so that I could make contact with him/her.

Please indicate if you would like me to share any of the details (at a general level) from the discussions with the professionals mentioned above.

Also please continue to offer your knowledge, advise and suppot.

- Pikeman

[AldenG]

Please indicate if you would like me to share any of the details (at a general level) from the discussions with the professionals mentioned above.

I'm sure that whatever you are comfortable sharing will be useful to people in the future looking for similar information. (And possibly enlightening and interesting for many others at the moment.)

Just bear in mind that if there is anything which is best kept secret from your wife for now, she might at some point get the idea of coming here to see what you or others are saying.

[rinso]

She also refuses to pay me rent, which my lawyer says I am entitled to, being joint owner of our house.

Send her official bills and keep track of the payments ( )
When the time comes you have to pay child support, you can first subtract the unpaid bills.
Your lawyer should be able to help you with this.

If you really want to be nasty you can send one of those collecting agencies after her. (think Intrum Justitia)
But then it will be an all out war.

[diablogun]

If she didn't want a war, she shouldn't have gone for the divorce. Take care of your kids directly, and absolutely crush her in any legal way you can. My heart bleeds for you, I'be been there myself, and it will get better Pikeman!

[Tiwaz]

If she didn't want a war, she shouldn't have gone for the divorce.

Rather stupid idea, no suprise though. Divorce is not war, and continuing in failing marriage is not some kind of great achievement.

Take care of your kids directly, and absolutely crush her in any legal way you can. My heart bleeds for you, I'be been there myself, and it will get better Pikeman!

Ah yes, because having your own feelings hurt is great excuse to put your offspring through as bad divorce process as possible just to spite your wife is always the smart thing to do.

Despite his wife deciding to be an ass about the divorce, instead of amiable separation, does not mean Pikeman should follow suit. Turning the divorce process into some kind of war between parents where both try to oneup the other is the most idiotic solution possible.


Keep firm Pikeman and stand up for your rights. But do NOT let yourself be dragged down to level of your wife for sake of your youngest.

[diablogun]

If she didn't want a war, she shouldn't have gone for the divorce.

Rather stupid idea, no suprise though. Divorce is not war, and continuing in failing marriage is not some kind of great achievement.

Take care of your kids directly, and absolutely crush her in any legal way you can. My heart bleeds for you, I'be been there myself, and it will get better Pikeman!

Ah yes, because having your own feelings hurt is great excuse to put your offspring through as bad divorce process as possible just to spite your wife is always the smart thing to do.

Despite his wife deciding to be an ass about the divorce, instead of amiable separation, does not mean Pikeman should follow suit. Turning the divorce process into some kind of war between parents where both try to oneup the other is the most idiotic solution possible.


Keep firm Pikeman and stand up for your rights. But do NOT let yourself be dragged down to level of your wife for sake of your youngest.

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children. Since you are sugesting that, well....that makes you sort of fit the bill.

The wife has destroyed the family by pursuing this breakup, not Pikeman. Everything he does should be to maximize his legal position in relation to his ex. The ex started the war, he needs to employ a firm and strong strategy, and that starts by not listening to a simpleton that thinks his children's interest will be served by accomodating the wife.

[Rip]

Keep firm Pikeman and stand up for your rights. But do NOT let yourself be dragged down to level of your wife for sake of your youngest.

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children.

For somebody to whom English is the first language, you seem to have strange problem here in reading it...

[Tiwaz]

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children. Since you are sugesting that, well....that makes you sort of fit the bill.

Actually, idiot in divorce case is one who insisit it being some form of warfare. And screw the children in between!

The wife has destroyed the family by pursuing this breakup, not Pikeman.

Marriage failed. So what is your solution? That they should have pretended that it has not failed and keep up the appearances?

Everything he does should be to maximize his legal position in relation to his ex. The ex started the war, he needs to employ a firm and strong strategy, and that starts by not listening to a simpleton that thinks his children's interest will be served by accomodating the wife.

And here we have it again. Divorce = war. Idiots position which has served well these idiots to cause their children to suffer more than absolutely necessary when both parties of divorce decide to have their petty grievances take forefront of situation.

[Upphew]

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children. Since you are sugesting that, well....that makes you sort of fit the bill.

The wife has destroyed the family by pursuing this breakup, not Pikeman. Everything he does should be to maximize his legal position in relation to his ex. The ex started the war, he needs to employ a firm and strong strategy, and that starts by not listening to a simpleton that thinks his children's interest will be served by accomodating the wife.

So you think that it is best for the children to @#$% up their mother/father every possible legal (and not so if you don't get caught) way? You sound like a smart person, can I subscribe to your newsletter?

[diablogun]

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children. Since you are sugesting that, well....that makes you sort of fit the bill.

Actually, idiot in divorce case is one who insisit it being some form of warfare. And screw the children in between!

The wife has destroyed the family by pursuing this breakup, not Pikeman.

Marriage failed. So what is your solution? That they should have pretended that it has not failed and keep up the appearances?

Everything he does should be to maximize his legal position in relation to his ex. The ex started the war, he needs to employ a firm and strong strategy, and that starts by not listening to a simpleton that thinks his children's interest will be served by accomodating the wife.

And here we have it again. Divorce = war. Idiots position which has served well these idiots to cause their children to suffer more than absolutely necessary when both parties of divorce decide to have their petty grievances take forefront of situation.

Actually, moron, he needs to fight for his interests, which are certainly tantamount to war in a legal sense. As you obviously are too stupid to understand that, please don't feel a need to continue your ignorance in writing.

My solution is that he avail himself to every legal channel in order to improve his postion with his children following the divorce. I can slow down if your limited intellect does not allow comprehension of that rather simple advice.

[diablogun]

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children. Since you are sugesting that, well....that makes you sort of fit the bill.

The wife has destroyed the family by pursuing this breakup, not Pikeman. Everything he does should be to maximize his legal position in relation to his ex. The ex started the war, he needs to employ a firm and strong strategy, and that starts by not listening to a simpleton that thinks his children's interest will be served by accomodating the wife.

So you think that it is best for the children to @#$% up their mother/father every possible legal (and not so if you don't get caught) way? You sound like a smart person, can I subscribe to your newsletter?

Do you speak English, or is your grasp of the language so limited that you are incapable of understanding this man's need to fight for his legal standing?

What is best for him to get maximum legal advantage following the divorce, which may include extended visitation, control over funds directed to his children, and any other issues with which he holds a strong affinity. If you are too facile to grasp that, I can't help you, but the OP certainly seems to get it.

[diablogun]

Keep firm Pikeman and stand up for your rights. But do NOT let yourself be dragged down to level of your wife for sake of your youngest.

I would say that only an idiot would suggest looking after his own interest in the divorce is somehow working against the interest of his children.

For somebody to whom English is the first language, you seem to have strange problem here in reading it...

Actually, I have no problem at all, unless it is with having conversations with people who are not smart enought to similarly comprehend it.

[AldenG]

Cory.

I guess bringing a gun to the discussion doesn't always make it go more smoothly.