Meeting the parents (help required!!)

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 12:40 am

you see the thing is, he doesn't talk about his family much. they had a bit of a fall out about his career. They didnt want him to take the career he has because they thought he would not succeed in it. However he is very accomplished in his job and is very successful. I am very proud of him, and expect they are too. But I cant ask him about them because I dont want it to conjure up any angry feelings. he is still mending his relationship with his family, so it is slightly complicated. I also want to make an effort to find out more, mainly for his sake. this makes me a bit tearful.......sorry!

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Hank W. · Post by **Hank W.** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 12:48 am

Uhhh... one of *those* situations. Believe me, if anything goes awry, it won't by all probability be your fault. And what is said about "warming up" sometimes people get surprised. In general I wouldn't expect any touchy-feely stuff but rather 'keeping up appearances', but then again I know people totally the opposite. it really depends a whole lot on the persons.

One thing - I know you must've noticed - are the long moody silences. Does your boyfriend ever snap at you after you ask him for the umteenth time "are you allright" (or has he learned the reflex 'a pint of guinness please

?) when you intrrupt his silent moments? There is thing about the awkward silence after the 3rd cup of coffee.

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 1:15 am

yes!! you are so right! HE WILL GO VERY VERY QUIET then I will ask him if he ok, and he will say "I said I was ok, stop asking" and i just run away.....better to leave him alone. But he is also very apologetic, if he shouts at me (and this is rare) he will come and give me a hug straight after. He also drinks alot!! I hear this is very common with Finns. I think they do it to keep warm! bad tempers and heavy drinkers, ahhh, I love my Finnish man. but he is a good man, with a good heart, and would never hurt me, so I'm ok with the whole situation. Just have to learn the Finnish ways

acwan · Post by **acwan** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:37 am

Hank W. wrote:One thing - I know you must've noticed - are the long moody silences. Does your boyfriend ever snap at you after you ask him for the umteenth time "are you allright" (or has he learned the reflex 'a pint of guinness please ?) when you intrrupt his silent moments?

Yeesh.

Do Finnish guys do this to Finnish women too? If so my sympathies for all the women who have to put up with this behavior. It seems so... manic-depressive.

Hank W. · Post by **Hank W.** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:38 am

Finnish woman ain't that stupid they'd go interrupt a silence by asking "are you OK". They might be yaking off about trash and laundry and stuff, but thats not a personal attack. As we know, in Finnish, "are you OK" means a literal question with a hint of serious abnormality, something like "are you sober" or rather "is there something seriously wrong with you", rather than an innocent small-talk phrase. So of course the Finnish guy will get upset if the girlfriend asks him if he's sober every 5 minutes!

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 10:18 am

Ahhh, no wonder! I had no idea that "are you OK" had those implications. I won't say that to him anymore, what should I say instead? another question aboout meeting the parents, should I take a gift? In England, if you go to dinner at someone's house it is customery to take a bottle of alcoholic or non-alcoholic wine. is there any such custom in Finland?

acwan · Post by **acwan** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 11:58 am

Lefty wrote:Ahhh, no wonder! I had no idea that "are you OK" had those implications. I won't say that to him anymore, what should I say instead?

I would say nothing

(tit for tat for the old man!)

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 12:51 pm

ok, I will be silent too, that should be funny. but I dont know how long he can keep it up. he is obviously very used to it now and it might go on for weeks! I will give in, I can assure you. when it come to matters of the heart, I am easily swayed. what is it about Finnish men that makes them so attractive? I for example went for years without a man and was loving it, then I met this short (as most are

) Finnish man, he said two words to me and I was swept off my feet. I think it is the accent! Flowers and wine, excellent, that I can do. Should I take anything for his Father? his Sister? or is it mainly the Mother who is the hardest nut to crack?

RA · Post by RA » Mon Jun 06, 2005 1:07 pm

Lefty wrote: what is it about Finnish men that makes them so attractive? I for example went for years without a man and was loving it, then I met this short (as most are ) Finnish man, he said two words to me and I was swept off my feet. I think it is the accent!

Accent when speaking what language?

You don't need to give specific family members a gift. If you take wine and flowers just give them to his mom. Mom rules. Or if you really want to acknowledge the father, I'd hand him the bottle and the flowers to the mom.

acwan · Post by **acwan** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 1:53 pm

Lefty wrote:what is it about Finnish men that makes them so attractive?

Must be the love potion he's putting in your drinks. You should be asking yourself why you find them attractive at all?

then I met this short (as most are ) Finnish man

I suppose, if you consider 5'10" to be short. Average Finnish male height is 178 cm (5'10"), and the average female height is 163 cm (5'4"). These averages are probably not that far behind averages of populations in Europe - well, except compared to the Dutch (where the average height is probably more like 6 feet for men and women!

)

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 3:03 pm

I love his accent when he speaks English because thats when it comes out the most. the other funny thing about him is when he speaks English, no one would tell he smokes, but when he speaks Finnish, you can DEFINITELY tell that he is a (*cough, cough* chain) smoker. as for being short, indeed Finns are shorter than most. I am 165cm tall and my boyfriend is 169cm tall, I love it!! I can imagine having to climb up a step ladder to get a hug

. By the way, I know drinking is like breathing, in Finland, but is smoking also common? is my poor asthmatic body in trouble ???

Acwan wrote:

Must be the love potion he's putting in your drinks. You should be asking yourself why you find them attractive at all? muhaha

you are probably right acwan! he has been offering me alot of food and drink lately, offering to cook and all that, he must be up to something

But then the all important question arises? what to wear. this is where Brits have a bit of a downfall, what I wud see as perfectly normal to wear to meet someone might trigger outrage to people from other countries!
Should I buy an outfit in Finland? or can I trust my gut (yeah right) and buy an outfit from over here?

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 3:04 pm

why did put the whole of that last bit in quotes? ooops! I forgot to close the quotation! this is really getting to me!

acwan · Post by **acwan** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:11 pm

Eh? Let's try this again (Keep in mind, when it says the average height is 5'10" that means half the Finnish males are TALLER than that). The average height of men in the UK is not very different. Many of my Finnish co-workers are on the slightly taller end: 6'1"-6'3" (185-190 cm).

Average Male Height
Netherlands 182.5 cm 6'0"
Finland 178 cm 5'10"
United Kingdom 177.0 cm 5'9" to 5'10"
USA 175.5 cm 5'9"
Germany 174.5 cm 5'8" to 5'9"
Japan 165.6 cm 5'5"

Average of the above 6 countries: 175.5 cm

Average Female Height
Netherlands 169.6 cm 5'6" to 5'7"
Germany 163.5 cm 5'4"
United Kingdom 163.3 cm 5'4"
Finland 163 cm 5'4"
USA 162.6 cm 5'3" to 5'"
Japan 153.0 cm 5'0"

Average of the above 6 countries: 162.5 cm

Although the stats say Finnish women tend to be shorter, in my experience, they average 5'5"-5'7".
Then again, it seems to be the case for the younger generation anywhere that they are growing to be taller than their forebears. *sigh*

Welcome to the land of the tree people!

Hank W. · Post by **Hank W.** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:24 pm

Lefty wrote:then I met this short (as most are ) Finnish man

Its not the length, its the rotating top.

short...hrmpf... 190cm here

antj · Post by **antj** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:12 pm

Hei
Just been reading all the comments about your situation of "meeting the parents".
Overall I would say STOP WORRYING!!!
I'm moving to Finland myself next month (from Leeds) and I'm seeing a girl in Tampere. I've been to stay at her parents' place twice now and it has always been brilliant. Her father doesn't speak any english but has always gone out of his way to make me feel welcome. I was so nervous the first time I went there but that soon changed. They EXPECT me to treat their place like my own. As far as issues of sex goes, I don't think they would dream of asking about that.
As with your situation there is an age gap. I'm 7 years older. This is not an issue either.
Just be yourself and you can't go wrong.

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Meeting the parents (help required!!)