I'm glad you reach a decision. Though I find it a bit "weird" that you're so happy about it, relieved would be a nicer word I think. It is indeed like having periods but what they don't tell you is that it will be very different in terms of blood loss and pain. You are not going to have a simple period but something similar to a miscarriage. Here they are very dismissal about the side-effects of cytotec. It gives you strong contractions, so it'll give you pain.
Also don't think of abortion as a simple contraception. It is not. While nowadays abortion are relatively safe, there's always a risk. For example of not evacuating all the pregnancy material, developing infection, then having to undergo surgery. I don't want to lecture you, we talked by pm so I think you know my opinions. I just don't want you to think it's such a small thing when it isn't. If you think that way you may keep stigma of all this.
The good thing out of all this is that your partner seems to be very supportive and very caring. It's in situations like this that you realize if you're with the right person or not.
I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery. It is going to be tiring for you and prepare yourself for a bit of emotional rollercoaster afterwards as your hcg level drops (normal reaction but it can be quite unsettling if you don't know it's going to happen).
Know anything about alcohol fetal syndrome? Or abortions?
Well I did sneak a peek.....
Well abortions are statiscally safer than carrying it to term I might add.
Plus, I'm not sure why people think I'm being unsettling?
Because I'm not suddenly struck down by the preciousness of life that I carry within me?
So what? Is it such a taboo that I find the prospect of abortion a happy one? I think countless women's lives have been totally wrecked by having children when they're not ready. But its taboo to say that somehow isn't it? My life would be wrecked if I'd have one now.
Of course, if I'd let my embryo continue to grow, and I'd give birth, I'm in no doubt that I'd love my child and not regret it and tell everyone how great it is being a mother. But then, what about me? What if I become psychotic? What if the stress of being apart from my partner breaks us up? I'm just trying to point out that no mother is ever going to say that having a child that wasn't at the right time was bad for her. No. They're all going to say 'oh its been a stuggle, but just look at Jonny!' But deep down..... I wonder if those mothers could live with themselves. I know I couldn't.
For me, anyway I'd hate myself that I didn't finish my masters properly or that I wasn't in even in the same country as the father for most of the pregnancy or whatever. So thats just the way it is with me I'm afraid.
Anyway I've known for a long time that my bf is a keeper! He's really great.
I'm sorry if my comments are somehow against the grain.
Yeah, I know the procedure will probably be hell, not as much hell as giving birth and trying to look after a child that I'm not ready for.....
Well abortions are statiscally safer than carrying it to term I might add.
Plus, I'm not sure why people think I'm being unsettling?
Because I'm not suddenly struck down by the preciousness of life that I carry within me?
So what? Is it such a taboo that I find the prospect of abortion a happy one? I think countless women's lives have been totally wrecked by having children when they're not ready. But its taboo to say that somehow isn't it? My life would be wrecked if I'd have one now.
Of course, if I'd let my embryo continue to grow, and I'd give birth, I'm in no doubt that I'd love my child and not regret it and tell everyone how great it is being a mother. But then, what about me? What if I become psychotic? What if the stress of being apart from my partner breaks us up? I'm just trying to point out that no mother is ever going to say that having a child that wasn't at the right time was bad for her. No. They're all going to say 'oh its been a stuggle, but just look at Jonny!' But deep down..... I wonder if those mothers could live with themselves. I know I couldn't.
For me, anyway I'd hate myself that I didn't finish my masters properly or that I wasn't in even in the same country as the father for most of the pregnancy or whatever. So thats just the way it is with me I'm afraid.
Anyway I've known for a long time that my bf is a keeper! He's really great.
I'm sorry if my comments are somehow against the grain.
Yeah, I know the procedure will probably be hell, not as much hell as giving birth and trying to look after a child that I'm not ready for.....
Because you wrote that youre So Happy!Apple wrote: abortions are statiscally safer than carrying it to term I might add.
How can you be happy to be having an abortion? The only way to be happy would be to find out you werent even pregnant to begin with and didnt have to make any sort of arrangements or choices!
We could understand you being relieved that you had the situation inhand and that you didnt need to worry about what choices to make anymore.
I find it very odd that you gave the baby a name you dont like, even when you already knew what you were going to do.
To have an abortion is the right choice for you, and no one is judging you or saying otherwise. Its the way you sound so happy about your situation.
I don't know why people are finding it so strange. I am happy that I have the right to chose control over my body and do not have to bring to term a being that I wish I did not have.
I do not want to have a child right now - therefore I am happy that I am going to have an abortion to get myself out of this mess. Why is it so taboo to want an abortion and not feel bad about it? THIS IS AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY. IT WAS A MISTAKE!
I'm sorry I'm not going through any major trauma about it and that I'm not finding it difficult to make a decision - my decision has always been quite clear to me. No baby now thanks. There is no way in hell in my life situation allows it. There is no way in hell my mental health will allow it. Its as simple as that. If you can't handle my views then fine. I can't handle yours. I'm leaving this forum sad that people are judgemental and unsupportive. In fact, if I had some strange physical disease that would give me some probabillity that I might die as a result of bringing a child into this world, then you'd all probably be a bit more sympathic right? Well, I do, I have serious mental health problems, and its highly likely I'll go over some sort of edge with this pregnancy, and so, I am happy that I don't have to risk my life - I can chose to have an abortion and keep living my life as it is, and not risk myself, or my baby's (if it were born), health.
I do not want to have a child right now - therefore I am happy that I am going to have an abortion to get myself out of this mess. Why is it so taboo to want an abortion and not feel bad about it? THIS IS AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY. IT WAS A MISTAKE!
I'm sorry I'm not going through any major trauma about it and that I'm not finding it difficult to make a decision - my decision has always been quite clear to me. No baby now thanks. There is no way in hell in my life situation allows it. There is no way in hell my mental health will allow it. Its as simple as that. If you can't handle my views then fine. I can't handle yours. I'm leaving this forum sad that people are judgemental and unsupportive. In fact, if I had some strange physical disease that would give me some probabillity that I might die as a result of bringing a child into this world, then you'd all probably be a bit more sympathic right? Well, I do, I have serious mental health problems, and its highly likely I'll go over some sort of edge with this pregnancy, and so, I am happy that I don't have to risk my life - I can chose to have an abortion and keep living my life as it is, and not risk myself, or my baby's (if it were born), health.
why are people so upset?apple is doing what she thinks and feels is best for her.how she deals withit is her choice and her actions.its all personal choice.i as a mother who adores her little girl still feels that a choice should still be there.a personal way of reacting to a situation is based on the person.but it is very different o give advice on abortion when you do have children or have suffered a miscarriage.but please the "BS" that comes out on this forum sometimes when people ask for ADVICE is too much.
sarah
sarah
I don't think anyone is coming down on her for her to choice to have an abortion, I think the way she is making it out to sound like a party is what upsets people. Especially the part where she named the baby a name that she doesn't like, as if to say that makes it better to get rid of it??? "I don't like my baby's name, so I think I'll abort it". She's just bizarre in her choice of words. A lot of people tried to help her, give her advice and show support for whatever decision she made, including myself.
What does a child feel during an abortion---
"18 DaysBrainThe brain begins to take shapeonly 18 days after conception. By20 days, the brain has alreadydifferentiated into forebrain,midbrain, and hindbrain, and thespinal cord has started togrow.(1)!5 Weeks Pain ReceptorsFour or five weeks afterconception,pain receptors appeararound the mouth, followed bynerve fibers, which carry stimulito the brain. By 18 weeks, painreceptorshave app earedthroughout the body. Aroundweek 6, the unborn child firstresponds to touch.(2, 3)!6 "
Apple, all I can say is that feel so sad for you.
I hope it is not too late to study what you and the nurses and practioners you are seeing are calling "fetus" and "embryo". Once you realize that your unborn child is not a lump of tissue but a living being, you can stop fooling yourself into thinking that this is "just like having a period"--it is, in fact, killing another human being, one of your own flesh and blood. How sad.
Apple wrote: "I have to say that there is no way in this world I could give birth to a child and then put it up for adoption. I'd already ruled out that option to be honest. It would be far too traumatic (for me) than even having an abortion!"
--yes it would be very traumatic for you, but can you even imagine how traumatic it is for your unborn child to receive deadly poison into his/her system through your bloodstream, rather than lifegiving nutrients that he/she has received until now?
"And having the early medical abortion is just like having a natural miscarriage isn't it?"
natural miscarriage is just that, natural.... usually there is something wrong with the baby so the body naturally miscarries it. What is not natural is to purposely expel a baby that is perfectly fine
I don't feel anything bad about having one from a moral or whatever point of view.
-How sad. I would think it would be normal to feel bad about the death of ones own flesh and blood.
am pregnant, and I am going to have the medical pill abortion. I saw the gynecologist and he said it would be simple and like having a regular period (I said, is it that simple? And he was like 'yes, its so early on and then waved his hand in dismissal).
again, regular period and terminating a known pregnancy may be physically similar, yet worlds apart from what you are really doing.
have no qualms whatsoever about going through with this- it is the right thing to do. I am certain about that. The gynecologist even said that as I am so early, it is nothing really. And certainly, I have no great dread about killing my baby or anything like that. I've already called it Ritva - a name which I dont particulary like.
it is nothing, really. I am amazed how brainwashed the dr's even must be to say that. I have several children, and while it seems unreal that what at a few weeks of pregnance feels like "nothing, really" turns into a real baby who will look to you for survival for the most of the next several years, ....just by calling the baby by a name that you don't like, will probably make it easier for you to call it "nothing, really", but again, tthis human life you have created depends on you for his wellbeing...he/she really has no voice and is helpless. it is devastating.
"Anyway for me, this is no different from using contraception, or using the morning after pill or using birth control. Some birth control works by not allowing the embryo to implant - so, in effect, women are having abortions every month! I was joking with the father about how many beautiful children we'd have had by now if we'd not have used contraception - we've been together for 5 years now, and we're going to be together for the rest of our lives."
this is tragic, not funny.
"I'm so relieved. I bet you'll all say 'oh you'll regret it one day' - well, maybe so, but I'll then regret not finishing my masters too. Of course I want children one day, probably in about a year - I've already promised my bf we'll try when I live with him again - and I think my body and fertility can wait one more year. And I'll be super healthy in this year and probably take birth control to 'suspend' my ovary."
The masters degree will not sit by your bedside when you are old...your child most likely will. yes it will be hard not to finish the masters degree, but the master's degree won't care either way...your child will.
"mean, I've been panicking about nothing (as I often do) - our contraception failed, our chromosomes fused, and now I have an embryo - but I that will go with the pill I'm going to take, that will induce my period (thats what the gyn said it would do anyway). So. Thats that. I can finsih my course and in a year we'll try properly, when we're both ready and it'll be lovely......."
the pill will kill your unborn baby, not induce a period--while both look like blood, they are two entirely different things. It will be lovely, for sure, to try again in a year, but it will be bittersweet as well, as you will realize that next time, in a few weeks of pregnancy, you will remember what happened to the first baby. Don't underestimate the life long emotional trauma to yourself of what you are about to do.
"Of course, if I'd let my embryo continue to grow, and I'd give birth, I'm in no doubt that I'd love my child and not regret it and tell everyone how great it is being a mother. But then, what about me? What if I become psychotic? What if the stress of being apart from my partner breaks us up? I'm just trying to point out that no mother is ever going to say that having a child that wasn't at the right time was bad for her. No. They're all going to say 'oh its been a stuggle, but just look at Jonny!' But deep down..... I wonder if those mothers could live with themselves. I know I couldn't."
Some of my children have been unplanned, we have a large family. there has been laughter as well as tears. I am a profoundly changed person because of my children. I decided not to get advanced degrees. I am much older than you. my oldest is already married. my life was never the same after she, as well as the rest of the children were born. You bet some of it is hard, some of my most difficult times have been over my family. but i can't imagine living with a decision of having killed one of them. This is probably too late for you as i am coming late to this discussion, and I am sure my comments are not welcome. I am just very sad for your unborn baby, and very sad for you too.
"I am happy that I have the right to chose control over my body and do not have to bring to term a being that I wish I did not have."
-wouldn't it be nice if your unborn baby could say the same?
"In fact, if I had some strange physical disease that would give me some probabillity that I might die as a result of bringing a child into this world, then you'd all probably be a bit more sympathic right?"
-you are right, but that is not the case, is it?
"I can chose to have an abortion and keep living my life as it is, and not risk myself, or my baby's (if it were born), health."
-i guess you don't have to worry about the baby's health, when the baby is dead.
What can i say?
i am sad that the society is confirming you, after they have told you, that you are, in fact, pregnant, they are saying that what you are doing is really, nothing.
We don't even do that much to our pets...either they will have puppies, or kittens...or they don't, but we don't call it something different. there are growing lives inside them. or there aren't. How is it that we can even tell ourselves with a straight face, that the life inside you that is a few weeks old, is really not a life...all the while his brain is growing...his heart is beginning to beat...his face and hands are beginning to form.
Apple...all the best to you. I wish i could convince you. I am very sad for you and so sad for the new little life inside of you who is dependent on you for his/her safety and protection.
"18 DaysBrainThe brain begins to take shapeonly 18 days after conception. By20 days, the brain has alreadydifferentiated into forebrain,midbrain, and hindbrain, and thespinal cord has started togrow.(1)!5 Weeks Pain ReceptorsFour or five weeks afterconception,pain receptors appeararound the mouth, followed bynerve fibers, which carry stimulito the brain. By 18 weeks, painreceptorshave app earedthroughout the body. Aroundweek 6, the unborn child firstresponds to touch.(2, 3)!6 "
Apple, all I can say is that feel so sad for you.
I hope it is not too late to study what you and the nurses and practioners you are seeing are calling "fetus" and "embryo". Once you realize that your unborn child is not a lump of tissue but a living being, you can stop fooling yourself into thinking that this is "just like having a period"--it is, in fact, killing another human being, one of your own flesh and blood. How sad.
Apple wrote: "I have to say that there is no way in this world I could give birth to a child and then put it up for adoption. I'd already ruled out that option to be honest. It would be far too traumatic (for me) than even having an abortion!"
--yes it would be very traumatic for you, but can you even imagine how traumatic it is for your unborn child to receive deadly poison into his/her system through your bloodstream, rather than lifegiving nutrients that he/she has received until now?
"And having the early medical abortion is just like having a natural miscarriage isn't it?"
natural miscarriage is just that, natural.... usually there is something wrong with the baby so the body naturally miscarries it. What is not natural is to purposely expel a baby that is perfectly fine
I don't feel anything bad about having one from a moral or whatever point of view.
-How sad. I would think it would be normal to feel bad about the death of ones own flesh and blood.
am pregnant, and I am going to have the medical pill abortion. I saw the gynecologist and he said it would be simple and like having a regular period (I said, is it that simple? And he was like 'yes, its so early on and then waved his hand in dismissal).
again, regular period and terminating a known pregnancy may be physically similar, yet worlds apart from what you are really doing.
have no qualms whatsoever about going through with this- it is the right thing to do. I am certain about that. The gynecologist even said that as I am so early, it is nothing really. And certainly, I have no great dread about killing my baby or anything like that. I've already called it Ritva - a name which I dont particulary like.
it is nothing, really. I am amazed how brainwashed the dr's even must be to say that. I have several children, and while it seems unreal that what at a few weeks of pregnance feels like "nothing, really" turns into a real baby who will look to you for survival for the most of the next several years, ....just by calling the baby by a name that you don't like, will probably make it easier for you to call it "nothing, really", but again, tthis human life you have created depends on you for his wellbeing...he/she really has no voice and is helpless. it is devastating.
"Anyway for me, this is no different from using contraception, or using the morning after pill or using birth control. Some birth control works by not allowing the embryo to implant - so, in effect, women are having abortions every month! I was joking with the father about how many beautiful children we'd have had by now if we'd not have used contraception - we've been together for 5 years now, and we're going to be together for the rest of our lives."
this is tragic, not funny.
"I'm so relieved. I bet you'll all say 'oh you'll regret it one day' - well, maybe so, but I'll then regret not finishing my masters too. Of course I want children one day, probably in about a year - I've already promised my bf we'll try when I live with him again - and I think my body and fertility can wait one more year. And I'll be super healthy in this year and probably take birth control to 'suspend' my ovary."
The masters degree will not sit by your bedside when you are old...your child most likely will. yes it will be hard not to finish the masters degree, but the master's degree won't care either way...your child will.
"mean, I've been panicking about nothing (as I often do) - our contraception failed, our chromosomes fused, and now I have an embryo - but I that will go with the pill I'm going to take, that will induce my period (thats what the gyn said it would do anyway). So. Thats that. I can finsih my course and in a year we'll try properly, when we're both ready and it'll be lovely......."
the pill will kill your unborn baby, not induce a period--while both look like blood, they are two entirely different things. It will be lovely, for sure, to try again in a year, but it will be bittersweet as well, as you will realize that next time, in a few weeks of pregnancy, you will remember what happened to the first baby. Don't underestimate the life long emotional trauma to yourself of what you are about to do.
"Of course, if I'd let my embryo continue to grow, and I'd give birth, I'm in no doubt that I'd love my child and not regret it and tell everyone how great it is being a mother. But then, what about me? What if I become psychotic? What if the stress of being apart from my partner breaks us up? I'm just trying to point out that no mother is ever going to say that having a child that wasn't at the right time was bad for her. No. They're all going to say 'oh its been a stuggle, but just look at Jonny!' But deep down..... I wonder if those mothers could live with themselves. I know I couldn't."
Some of my children have been unplanned, we have a large family. there has been laughter as well as tears. I am a profoundly changed person because of my children. I decided not to get advanced degrees. I am much older than you. my oldest is already married. my life was never the same after she, as well as the rest of the children were born. You bet some of it is hard, some of my most difficult times have been over my family. but i can't imagine living with a decision of having killed one of them. This is probably too late for you as i am coming late to this discussion, and I am sure my comments are not welcome. I am just very sad for your unborn baby, and very sad for you too.
"I am happy that I have the right to chose control over my body and do not have to bring to term a being that I wish I did not have."
-wouldn't it be nice if your unborn baby could say the same?
"In fact, if I had some strange physical disease that would give me some probabillity that I might die as a result of bringing a child into this world, then you'd all probably be a bit more sympathic right?"
-you are right, but that is not the case, is it?
"I can chose to have an abortion and keep living my life as it is, and not risk myself, or my baby's (if it were born), health."
-i guess you don't have to worry about the baby's health, when the baby is dead.
What can i say?
i am sad that the society is confirming you, after they have told you, that you are, in fact, pregnant, they are saying that what you are doing is really, nothing.
We don't even do that much to our pets...either they will have puppies, or kittens...or they don't, but we don't call it something different. there are growing lives inside them. or there aren't. How is it that we can even tell ourselves with a straight face, that the life inside you that is a few weeks old, is really not a life...all the while his brain is growing...his heart is beginning to beat...his face and hands are beginning to form.
Apple...all the best to you. I wish i could convince you. I am very sad for you and so sad for the new little life inside of you who is dependent on you for his/her safety and protection.
If somehow, from the spirit world or whatever, I could have chosen not to have been born, I would have done it without a moment's hesitation.Finnmom wrote: Apple...all the best to you. I wish i could convince you. I am very sad for you and so sad for the new little life inside of you who is dependent on you for his/her safety and protection.
The value of life is subjective, to put it charitably.
From splendour he fell through arrogance to contempt for all things save himself, a spirit wasteful and pitiless...
Well yes, but then again you do have the solution to solve this "problem", don't you?hengest wrote:If somehow, from the spirit world or whatever, I could have chosen not to have been born, I would have done it without a moment's hesitation.
The value of life is subjective, to put it charitably.
I wouldn't recommend it though, since "there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest."
Philosophically, it is an interesting question (and perhaps an absurd one) to compare the qualities of human "existence" and "non-existence". However, in the case of abortions ie when it comes to decisions on behalf of a baby... it is comparatively easy to define the moment when a new human being is physically "there", and in one sense -if we define life as an ongoing process- the baby is "there" from the moment of conception onwards. The issue becomes much more difficult and muddled when we think about the emergence of a "person". When exactly does that enter the picture? From one point of view, even babies who already have been born are not "persons" - that is, what we call their self is not in many respect developed yet.
I do not pretend to have any answers, clever or foolish, to this question, but maybe it's a question of whether we value a human being as what he/she is at any given time, or whether we primarily value people as what they may become (ie potentiality, process). I'd perhaps go for the latter, since that's what makes us human, essentially.
Timshol! (for all those who know their Steinbeck
)