I think what ticked me off most is that I sat through an hour of the principal talking about their strong anti bullying policies (at the parent orientation before first grade started) and then to have it happen so systematically. Obviously, I didn't sit still and took action. The issue exacerbating the situation:
- it was mostly in the iltapaivakerho and not at the school as much. The people running the day care (at the local park) just consider it 'one of those things that happens every year and if we shrug and tell the parents it happened, there's nothing else we can do." The thing that bothers me is that the after school care is a privilege and they can tell bully parents no way or threaten to revoke the privilege if the child is injuring other children (mentally or physically). But that particular day care is made up of kids from several local schools and that's the problem I'm having. Her school says it is a problem with the other schools. The other schools say it is a problem with the afternoon care. The afternoon care people say they are just park supervisors and don't have the authority to take care of the situation.
I came to pick up my 7 year old and she looked sad. So I asked her about what the bullying girls were doing and she just looked up at me, said, "mommy, it hurts my heart to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it." and then she started to cry. At that point, I took her out of that after school care.
The irony is that she's different because she's outgoing and friendly (yeah, I know, how American). She gets along with everyone and doesn't want to play sides. So the kids end up getting annoyed with her for not being cliquish enough (not that she's the perfect kid by any stretch). I don't want to kill that part of her that is open and happy to play with anyone and I'm mad as hell the other kids are trying to do that.
We've had her at the day care at the local sports hall. It's all indoors (the other after school care made the kids stay outdoors in rain or snow - they'd all hunker in the jungle gym to get out of the rain) and structured. She's a lot happier now but it bothers me that she won't have the opportunity to make friends there that live close to her. I think the problem with the previous after school care is that there was no structure and the people at the park honestly were doing it for pay and didn't care even one bit about children. I only saw one of the park people interacting with kids ONCE - and the other I NEVER in 3 months saw playing with the kids or doing any activities. They both just stayed in the office and cleaned up at the end of the day.
I guess one final note is that I'm not a polyanna - I know there will be difficulties at schools with social interaction and I've discussed that quite a bit with my 7 year old. When she was 3, she went to the park nanny at a little toddler park next to the school - and when I picked her up every day, I'd watch really nasty bullying of a foreign kid at the lunch break. All with the teachers watching/not watching/not caring. I pointed it out to the park nanny but being a foreigner, I just didn't feel I would be listened to if I walked up to the teachers and said in English, "Hello - are you going to continue to let those kids head lock and drag that poor Indian boy's face into the dirt every day?"
Not Impressed With Finnish Elementary Schools
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Xochiquetzal
- Posts: 1400
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Re: Not Impressed With Finnish Elementary Schools
Maybe this can be the reason why Finnish kids are hostile towards your kid:
Re: Not Impressed With Finnish Elementary Schools
The Finnish education system is presented to the world as a “jewel,” as a flawless model. But the truth is that inside it hides a subtle and dangerous mechanism: boys are gradually stripped of their masculine energy and are forced to adopt only one type of behavior – the feminine one.
A boy who wants to compete, who raises his voice, who defends his point of view with strength is immediately labeled as “toxic.” Fighting spirit is reduced to a “behavior problem.” The desire to stand out becomes “arrogance.” Initiative is seen with suspicion. In other words: if you don’t sit quietly, calmly, and “emotionally correct,” you are marginalized.
The system does not allow boys to be boys. It does not teach them to channel their energy into sports, into leadership, into responsibility. No. It forces them to suppress their personality and to adopt a passive, controlled, uniform behavior. Everything masculine – courage, risk, firmness, strength – is strangled. Instead, feminine energy is placed on a pedestal: docility, calm, emotionality, collaboration without competition.
The result is clear: a generation of weakened boys, who grow up with the idea that any display of strength or authority is “bad,” “toxic.” They become confused adults, without direction, without backbone, who don’t know how to take on heavy roles and no longer have the courage to leave their mark on the world.
What is sold as an “egalitarian” system is, in fact, an unbalanced one. Instead of encouraging both energies – masculine and feminine – and harmonizing them, it brutally eliminates one and leaves society to function on half power. And a society without authentic masculine energy becomes a fragile society, without courage, without direction, without the strength to build or to defend what truly matters.
This is the reality that official textbooks and promotional ads don’t say: the Finnish system is not perfect. On the contrary, it slowly and surely destroys the masculine identity of boys, and this will come at a heavy cost in the future.
A boy who wants to compete, who raises his voice, who defends his point of view with strength is immediately labeled as “toxic.” Fighting spirit is reduced to a “behavior problem.” The desire to stand out becomes “arrogance.” Initiative is seen with suspicion. In other words: if you don’t sit quietly, calmly, and “emotionally correct,” you are marginalized.
The system does not allow boys to be boys. It does not teach them to channel their energy into sports, into leadership, into responsibility. No. It forces them to suppress their personality and to adopt a passive, controlled, uniform behavior. Everything masculine – courage, risk, firmness, strength – is strangled. Instead, feminine energy is placed on a pedestal: docility, calm, emotionality, collaboration without competition.
The result is clear: a generation of weakened boys, who grow up with the idea that any display of strength or authority is “bad,” “toxic.” They become confused adults, without direction, without backbone, who don’t know how to take on heavy roles and no longer have the courage to leave their mark on the world.
What is sold as an “egalitarian” system is, in fact, an unbalanced one. Instead of encouraging both energies – masculine and feminine – and harmonizing them, it brutally eliminates one and leaves society to function on half power. And a society without authentic masculine energy becomes a fragile society, without courage, without direction, without the strength to build or to defend what truly matters.
This is the reality that official textbooks and promotional ads don’t say: the Finnish system is not perfect. On the contrary, it slowly and surely destroys the masculine identity of boys, and this will come at a heavy cost in the future.