Anyone moved to Finland with an older child?

soyyo · Post by **soyyo** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:21 am

I want to hear the experience of anyone who has done this or knows someone who has.

I have just moved to Finland because I got married and I have a son who is almost 8 in the US. He will be about 8 & 1/2 by the time he joins us. He's staying with his grandmother (my mom). The plan is for him to finish out the school year in the US.

I miss him very much, but not moving in the middle of a school year might be better for him and I think if I am more settled in here before he comes I can help him better and I think my mom wants the time with him, as his staying there so long was definitely her idea.

I am concerned about how he'll react to the culture shock, how easily he can pick up the language, him missing my mom, etc etc. I intend to send him to an English school.

**Sponsor:**

Rosamunda · Post by **Rosamunda** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:46 am

I don't think that moving during the middle of a school year would necessarily make the move any harder.... and arriving here in the middle of winter might have some kind of novelty value at least for the first few weeks!!!! Leaving the US in summer when all his friends are leaving for vacation might make it easier to say goodbye though. There are a ton of little things you can do to help him get through the goodbye phase... ask his school teacher for some support too. SHe can get all the kids in his class to help make a goodbye album (little notes, photos, pictures, addresses and phone numbers) that he can bring with him. You can also send him lots of pics (his new school, your house/apartment, fishing through the ice, campfires and stuff like that) so he can share his new adventure with his friends before he leaves.... You really have to positivise (is that a word???) the whole experience so that he doesn't only see the difficult side of it. If he feels he is moving into something unknown he will be more scared and apprehensive than if he has a fair idea of what to expect. But don't make promises that you can't keep so he risks being disappointed (the Northern lights through your bedroom window for example

).

If you know which school he will be going to then maybe you could get a teacher and/or mum to organise some kind of penfriend up front. Then your son could exchange a letter/photos/email with some of his future classmates.

Mine were 10-8 and 6 when we arrived but they had the advantage of being together, and they had been up here before on vacation. BUt it was a new school and they had no friends up here waiting for them. They are "outdoor" kids and love sport / fresh air so they took to Finland like ducks to water and quickly found friends to go skate-boarding with and fishing, joined a football club etc etc. The hardest part was moving house and school after only one year.... I think they had more problems with that than the initial move up here. So try and make sure you are settled (house and school) by the time he arrives!

Good luck!

soyyo · Post by **soyyo** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:39 am

Thanks, Penelope, that all sounds like great advice.

If anyone else has more ideas, please post, this weighs on my mind, I miss my baby!

karen · Post by **karen** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:12 am

I can imagine how difficult it is for both of you. I'd bring him right now and let him get used to it with you

soyyo · Post by **soyyo** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:31 am

Yes, I have considered that, I think I do need SOME time here to myself but I may have to get him over here sooner, I am considering after Christmas.

My Uncle is a psychologist and he seems to think that giving William (my son) some choice in the situation (within reason) would make him feel like he has some control over all these changes in his life.

Before I left he was enjoying toying with the idea of having a dad, and testing out being able to talk about "my dad." I think I need to also do what Penelope says and hopefully my mom will cooperate too and make this a positive.

karen · Post by **karen** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:53 am

He looks like a great kid. I can see why you miss him so much

soyyo · Post by **soyyo** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:00 am

Thank you, Karen. He IS wonderful, a very happy-natured and affectionate boy.

Penelope, Are any of your kids stepchildren? If so how have the in-laws been?

Mine have been wonderful so far, 3 households actually asked for and framed a photo of my son and have it on display in their homes. My DH's parents got a toast to being grandparents at our wedding celebration, since my son is their first so far. It makes me feel great that they are so eagerly accepting! I hope my son can really view them as a new set of grandparents....

karen · Post by **karen** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:18 am

Kids respond really well to people who treat them well. If your ILs are anxious to have him as their grandson, I'm sure he will quickly learn to love them.

I'm anxious to meet him and get another playmate for Reino. Reino can teach him Finnish

soyyo · Post by **soyyo** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:05 am

Tadpole'sMommy wrote:I'm anxious to meet him and get another playmate for Reino. Reino can teach him Finnish

Lol that'd be great!

My next question is: Does anyone know of an online resource for immigrating with a kid? (like a forum or website) I like to use Lonely Planet's forum and they have a section for travel with kids, and that is the best I have found so far.

karen · Post by **karen** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:16 am

You should try Babycenter's multilingual babies board. There are lots of women there who have moved multiple times with kids.

http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/baby/ba ... stid=56247

I'm so happy William's coming to Finland!

WestAussie · Post by **WestAussie** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:17 pm

I moved to Finland with a 15 year old and a 10 year old. They both loved it. We only stayed 5 months but they both went to non English speaking Finnish schools and handled it well. The cultural change was great for both of them. I'm sure your son will cope very well as you are there. My Finnish husband's family were also wonderful to me and my children.

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:37 am

'he seems to think that giving William (my son) some choice in the situation (within reason) would make him feel like he has some control over all these changes in his life. '

Yes what does your son think about moving here? Has he ever been to Finland before? If he hasn't, why not have him for an extended holiday? Let him have the chance of coming to terms with new people,country slowly.

Instead of overwhelming him with all these new relations when he gets here, it might be a good idea to just be together yourselves a lot, show him that, despite this new life you've found that HE is still an important part in your life. He is of course, but at that age he needs proof.

karen · Post by **karen** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:31 am

The original post is almost a year old. William has been here since June.

soyyo · Post by **soyyo** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 8:58 am

littlefrank wrote:'he seems to think that giving William (my son) some choice in the situation (within reason) would make him feel like he has some control over all these changes in his life. '

Yes what does your son think about moving here? Has he ever been to Finland before? If he hasn't, why not have him for an extended holiday? Let him have the chance of coming to terms with new people,country slowly.

Instead of overwhelming him with all these new relations when he gets here, it might be a good idea to just be together yourselves a lot, show him that, despite this new life you've found that HE is still an important part in your life. He is of course, but at that age he needs proof.

William came and spent the summer with me, as I was on summer vacation too. He is now in school and doing fine.

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:27 am

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