Well I did not say that I understood your problem and I am not sure I understood what you mean by having several straight conversations.Thank you for the post, Raam, it's relieving to find someone who understands my problem. I have already had several very straight conversations with him over the last two years.
Some things that matter to you most dont matter to others at all!!!
..Wow Soo many assumptions!!! have you told him :" Its important for me that he change his behaviour"? _The reason I was not listing the details here is because I think that if he understands why I think it's important, he will change his behaviour altogether.
Now take a look at that statement and ask yourself again How his behaviour is affecting you?
Quite frankly, I dont see any problem with having bread in my hand till I eat it...sometimes I leave it in the plate to have it later and I would NOT want ANYONE else to touch that!!!! Have you asked why he does it ( consiously or unconsiously?) As for bringing "mouth to the food":But since you ask - here is the most irritating: he bites bread that doesn't have butter on it, and he keeps that bread in his hand until he eats it (as if someone would steal it from his plate). Instead of bringing food to his mouth with the fork/spoon he brings his mouth down to his plate and shoves in the food. We were at a ylioppilas gathering last Saturday and I wanted to sink into the earth...
In Many cultures, they actually do what he does and its better than having to "spill" or "splash" food at other people when you are far away from it!!!
Have u tried eating chinese food with chopsticks? Indian food with your hands? - Those are table manners too!!!
Now, imagine "how many ever years" that you have been taught to keep the knife pointing at 33.5 degrees to the right of the plate and the fork at 182.5 degrees facing the knife...Gawd that sounds awful to me to practice such precision...I aint a Royal never ll be and never want to be to go through such precision at cutlery!!!! I mean, come on!!! have you every given a thought to how obsessive and compulsive you can get? have you been that perfect all the time with the knife and fork and spoons etc.....Cos If you for one moment think about it: Can it be so that He has been sticking with you in spite of you being soo compulsive and so "Perfect" in your behaviour!!! Nothing in Life is perfect and ll never be!! thats the beauty of it!!! and so ll a knife and fork..( mebbe they should design a knife with teeth on both sides and a fork with 3 prongs on both ends..loll so he ll be correct)!!!There are other things but this is what one can notice immediately. Of course, there has also been some progress. So far, in two years he learned not to throw the plates and cutlery onto the table when he lays it (i really mean this!) and sometimes he even manages with the right configuration of plate, knife, fork and glass on the table although the direction at which the teeth of the knife point can vary.
I cannot tell you if table mannets really affect your relations negatively. But then Ask YOURSELF that question and you will find your answer!!!!But can you tell me please - do you think that "bad" table manners really affect negatively work relations? I was brought up in an environment where it did matter very much but he tells me this is not so in the big wide world.
I know that table manners is NOT that important for ME!! I guess he thinks the same too!!! 2 billion people eat with chopstix and 3 more with their hands ( india africa etc). I wonder if you have grown up in a very immaculate houselhold that you really lose sight of the Real "poor" or "I cannot afford to have a knife or fork" world!!! Then again its perspectives perspectives and perspectives!!!
i ve reached a compromise with my SO so she doesnt get worked out by these small things too and I ve managed to learn to do somethings like setting the plates and the knife ( Dont care which way the knife points but if it is wrong then my SO corrects it, so no sweat).
If you let table manners affect your relationship, and think its a big deal, then you need to rethink that again. for example, Is table manners SOO important that you can give up your relationship for another one who is impeccable with table manners that you like but cheats on ya, or is unclean all the time...
Think about what is more important than something that is Bothering you!!! When things start to bother someone in a relationship, they not only need to tell the other person about it, but also inspect it from withtin if that is soo important to get bothered by it( I assuemed this with the last post, but I guess that I didnt say that before).
If this thing is soo cumbersome, then I guess that you ve not faced lotsa other things in your relationships yet!!!
Gosh!!!Gosh, so close to Midsummer I feel I have fallen in love like Titania, with an ass.
