Finnish ignorance or what?

Family life in Finland from kindergartens, child education, language schooling and everyday life. Share information and experiences. Network with other families.
Post Reply
dampa
Posts: 345
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:23 pm
Location: Suomi
Contact:
Contact dampa

Finnish ignorance or what?

Post by dampa » Fri Jun 09, 2006 5:40 pm

I have been thinking to write this a long time ago but I think I can let it go now and let's discuss.

Well a very close friend of mine from an African country have been dating a Finnish lady of same age since 2003 and for sure know every single member of the lady's family. He have been visiting the parents almost every weekend...lived with them and they sure know him very well enough that the Finnish lady's mum was once asking this guy if she could pay for his driving licence but the guy said NO & he would get things done himself. And I always ask this guy why he had to go there every weekend and even special holidays and can not spend time with friends. All he could say is, it is a must to visit them, they are my family :D

He worked with the Finnish lady's father in various task for sure so I think he was very well welcomed in the family even the Finnish lady's grandmum is glad to welcome him all the time they visit them.

So this funny scenario happened recently when he decided with his Finnish lady to get married. They told the parents and they refused :? I asked him what was the reason they gave and he said, they said to the lady not to tell him but they think it is a "trap" for her to marry this friend of mine and that he is just after all their properties and they are not ready to lose it all to an African :shock:

Sincerely, my friend would like to move out of Finland with the lady to somewhere like USA because he has been asking me about California where his uncle and brother is living. But the Finnish lady didnt want to leave Finland :( and told him they only have to live in Finland.

I was lost for a while when I heard what the lady's parents said...told him that with all the time he has been with the family, it is funny that they think of him as someone planning to take over their house, car and money. Well after several talks over this issue, later he once told me that they said to the Finnish lady that if he was much more light-skinned, they would have accepted the marriage proposal easily. What a thought? :shock:

I was broken to pieces when I heard that and I told him how I respect his lady and her opinion and all her strong effort and courage all along, but I dont think any good about her parents' opinion. Told him to either go ahead and get married or definitely leave suomi with his lady.

So I have been thinking about this issue all these while in my mind and can't get it off. Anyway they got married without the lady's parents knowing and they are still happily living together but I am always thinking what made the parents think that way of my friend and their intention to get married. Is it anything really bad that is, a trap for their daughter like they said? I know my friend isn't hunting after marriage to get money or whatever but why have the parent thought of him that way? Is this some kinda Finnish ignorance again?

Let's discuss...


Top

Finnish ignorance or what?

Sponsor:

Finland Forum Ad-O-Matic
 
Top
User avatar
Hank W.
The Motorhead
Posts: 29973
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2002 10:00 pm
Location: Mushroom Mountain
Contact:
Contact Hank W.

Post by Hank W. » Fri Jun 09, 2006 6:07 pm

Ah, now I must ask; is it a big house, how many cows milk?

I don't find the attitude anything surprising of that generation. They live in some small village - imagine now WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS SAY :roll:
And I wouldn't find that attitude anything "uniquely Finnish". Go to the USA, France, or wherever and find couples facing similar attitudes... Everywhere isn't California.

I wonder if the daughter is their "only child" or the youngest one... Parents can be doubly overprotective in that case. Its the fear of the unknown.

Dumb Finnish girl - I'd been on the next plane to LA. :lol:
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.
Top
dampa
Posts: 345
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:23 pm
Location: Suomi
Contact:
Contact dampa

Post by dampa » Fri Jun 09, 2006 6:26 pm

Hank W. wrote:Ah, now I must ask; is it a big house, how many cows milk?
Isnt anything way too big...it is some kinda "normal" house in where you would call nowheremäki. Whatever, I wont think such thing would make you think that you wouldnt let your daughter marry someone she has found as hers
Hank W. wrote: I don't find the attitude anything surprising of that generation. They live in some small village - imagine now WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS SAY :roll:
And I wouldn't find that attitude anything "uniquely Finnish".
True everywhere isn't California and it can truly happen anywhere on earth's surface but in this nowheremäki, everyone knows that this Suomineitto have a Foreign partner, in this case an African guy as her man.
Hank W. wrote: I wonder if the daughter is their "only child" or the youngest one... Parents can be doubly overprotective in that case. Its the fear of the unknown.

Dumb Finnish girl - I'd been on the next plane to LA. :lol:
Well she is the youngest. The oldest are living a kinda life I dont understand and the youngest is living straight but still... the unknown? --- well he might be unknown to an extent but still...

LA isnt heaven but I think life would be probably easier for the man who would definitely provide for the house and she would also be able to live life, have a career and visit Suomi if she wants
Top
User avatar
Hank W.
The Motorhead
Posts: 29973
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2002 10:00 pm
Location: Mushroom Mountain
Contact:
Contact Hank W.

Post by Hank W. » Fri Jun 09, 2006 7:53 pm

dampa wrote: the unknown? --- well he might be unknown to an extent but still...

You can't scoop with a ladle if you've been given with a spoon.

You can't expect Finland being "like everywhere else". Theres a lot of "everywhere else" in the world. Have you read that teacher's blog from Japan? Why do you expect Finland should be "everywhere else" *you* are from? Then Finland wouldn't be Finland ;)

But I have trust in Finland. In 1970 there was probably 3 pizzerias in the whole country. Now pizza is a national dish. Kebab ran over sausage stands in the 1990's. Atleast we're not xenophobic over food ;) have some mämmi...
Last edited by Hank W. on Fri Jun 09, 2006 10:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.
Top
dampa
Posts: 345
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:23 pm
Location: Suomi
Contact:
Contact dampa

Post by dampa » Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:34 pm

I just think like I have been made to understand that the Lady's parents were OK about things & they being together from the onset and suddenly got brain-washed when marriage issue came on...

Finland can be Finland...no one wouldn't want that :wink:
Top
User avatar
Oombongo
Posts: 1949
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 11:19 am
Location: local sewer pipe

Post by Oombongo » Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:47 pm

remind me the similar story of my wifey's family. Mom is schizophrenic and dad is too coward to deal with her wife's problem, left her to screw with her kids' life, and sitting in Norway.

No intention to write the whole story though. Just we are not in contact with her parents. Wifey suffered for 23 years, and it is enough. I ain't gonna let her face the same crap. They gotta face me first.
Top
User avatar
Hank W.
The Motorhead
Posts: 29973
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2002 10:00 pm
Location: Mushroom Mountain
Contact:
Contact Hank W.

Post by Hank W. » Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:53 pm

dampa wrote:Lady's parents were OK about things & they being together from the onset and suddenly got brain-washed when marriage issue came on...
Ah, see now, I was married to a farmer's daughter. And I was married to the *eldest* daughter. But they had a son who was planning on continuing the farm. So it was made sure I wasn't coming in as the "house-inlaw"... the farmer wants the farm to continue, but not to "split it up" and usually modern kids don't want to be farmers and just think of the money when they razor the forests...

Its one of these Nowheremäki logic things.... :wink:
Cheers, Hank W.
sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.
Top
dampa
Posts: 345
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:23 pm
Location: Suomi
Contact:
Contact dampa

Post by dampa » Fri Jun 09, 2006 9:49 pm

Oombongo wrote:remind me the similar story of my wifey's family.
heard many people in Finland got similar problems... :(
Must ask...are you African too?
Last edited by dampa on Sat Jun 10, 2006 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Top
User avatar
efx
Posts: 1072
Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2005 2:46 am
Location: Turkiye
Contact:
Contact efx

Post by efx » Sat Jun 10, 2006 2:32 am

Hank W. wrote: I don't find the attitude anything surprising of that generation. They live in some small village - imagine now WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS SAY :roll:
And I wouldn't find that attitude anything "uniquely Finnish". Go to the USA, France, or wherever and find couples facing similar attitudes... Everywhere isn't California.
I'm 100% with you, add Istanbul to your list too :evil:
Different places on Earth but the same stupid ignorance :evil: I've had similar experience, it's not marriage issue (I'm not enough crazy, at least yet) but something romantic thing. The logic was like "If I've been something different it would have been something different". Hrrrrrr
fighting with hatred feeds the rich men
Top
User avatar
Oombongo
Posts: 1949
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 11:19 am
Location: local sewer pipe

Post by Oombongo » Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:42 am

dampa wrote:
Oombongo wrote:remind me the similar story of my wifey's family.
heard many people in Finland got similar problems... :(
Must ask...are you African too?

Nope, though my nick sounds quite African :D
Top
dampa
Posts: 345
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:23 pm
Location: Suomi
Contact:
Contact dampa

Post by dampa » Sun Jun 11, 2006 12:51 pm

dampa wrote: heard many people in Finland got similar problems... :(
Must ask...are you African too?
Oombongo wrote: Nope, though my nick sounds quite African :D
yeah plus i have been made to understand it is in most cases an "African thing"
Top
User avatar
Oombongo
Posts: 1949
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 11:19 am
Location: local sewer pipe

Post by Oombongo » Sun Jun 11, 2006 3:08 pm

dampa wrote: yeah plus i have been made to understand it is in most cases an "African thing"
Or maybe "non-blondinan" or "non-Caucasianian" thing? :D (My in-laws are blonde)
Top
Yosso
Posts: 39
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 3:15 pm
Location: FAR EAST
Contact:
Contact Yosso

Similar thing

Post by Yosso » Mon Jul 17, 2006 10:28 am

I had a similar experience. I WAS married to a Finn. Her parents were in financial difficulties and I offered to helP them out so her dad said ok why don't you buy the summer cottage from us and you can use if when ever you want and it will be in your name but we can also continue to use it.

I said that ok by me, I have some spare money and I actually didn't want the summer cottage, I was only trying to help them out. Then the dad said he wanted to think about for while so I sure take all the time you want, it was your idea in the first place.
A few days later he said he had changed his mind as the summer cottage belonged to his father anh he did want to sell it to a ""foreigner"". I am Irish.
Charming I said, enjoy your chat with the bank manager. So there I was married to his daughter for 14 years, already had my own house, with 2 kids and I was a foreigner.

All I can is thank the good Lord he changed his mind and I am happy to be a "foreigner".

Just for the record, I am 188cm, 105Kg, no fat and blonde and yes foreign. Maybe if I was Russian it would have been differnent.

Yosso.
Image
Top
zoltar
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 4:56 pm
Location: Helsinki

Re: Similar thing

Post by zoltar » Mon Jul 17, 2006 11:33 am

Yosso wrote: A few days later he said he had changed his mind as the summer cottage belonged to his father anh he did want to sell it to a ""foreigner"". I am Irish.
Charming I said, enjoy your chat with the bank manager. So there I was married to his daughter for 14 years, already had my own house, with 2 kids and I was a foreigner.
Just out of curiosity, how did he view the kids? half-breeds?
Top
Yosso
Posts: 39
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 3:15 pm
Location: FAR EAST
Contact:
Contact Yosso

Post by Yosso » Mon Jul 17, 2006 11:52 am

Funny you should ask. He had four daughters, all married, all had daughters (one had 5 daugfhters), but the old Irishman gave him a grandson, hois one and only, so of course the kids are true finns.
Image
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Families in Finland”