Gob smacked..

[jazzori]

(offtopic, sorry) There's hoops! Isn't it? Your avatar! I like those guys

[Sara]

Sorry to hear that. Full credit to you and your son though, you've done a good job bringing him up

Im not surprised about the fathers reaction, seems the ignorance of the kid came straight from him.

Id be more inclined to have a word with a teacher at school about the lovely language skills.

Your son sounds gorgeous, just wait 10 years and he will have all the ladies chasing him while the other kid cant get a date

[mCowboy]

Well teens can be very ignorant. I went to Kamppi K-market today around 5pm. As I was walking across the Kamppi square I overheard these under 15yo (pissis-)girls and it was unbelievable...

- hey, lets go sit over there
- no, we can't, we'll get a dick cancer
- c'mon now, you dog sh!ts

well, I do know that if you sit too long on a cold surface, you might get a urinary infection, but dick cancer... and never would call my friends dog sh!ts...

I guess it's just showing off, but still...

[Jukka Aho]

Well teens can be very ignorant. I went to Kamppi K-market today around 5pm. As I was walking across the Kamppi square I overheard these under 15yo (pissis-)girls and it was unbelievable...

- hey, lets go sit over there
- no, we can't, we'll get a dick cancer

[...]

well, I do know that if you sit too long on a cold surface, you might get a urinary infection, but dick cancer...

It’s still a rare condition for girls, but since we’re aiming to be an equal opportunity society, the gender gap must be closed here as well... (you can expect to see Finnish females gain some dangly bits and a lower voice in the near future as the government project starts rolling.)

[mCowboy]

It’s still a rare condition for girls, but since we’re aiming to be an equal opportunity society, the gender gap must be closed here as well... (you can expect to see Finnish females gain some dangly bits and a lower voice in the near future as the government project starts rolling.)

dayum, Jukka, that's some dark humor you got going there...

even scarier is that, it might be closer to reality than anyone can think of...

[EP]

Cory, there is obviously a group of children who bully your son at school. My son was "koulukiusattu", and in a severe way, and he didn´t tell me. He wanted to save me, later he said that he knew it would have made me sad and worried, and he has always tried to protect me. I only found out one Saturday in the sauna. He didn´t want me to see him except from the backside, which was strange. I turned him around and saw horrible bruises under his belly. Only then the truth came out: he had been severily bullied, both verbally and physically, almost a year by that time. He was 8 or 9 at the time.

I phoned the worst bullies parents, and my husband rang doorbells, and there were many parents, who didn´t believe us. Not their son. And there was one really horrible answer: "You can trust me, I will beat the boy." Most parents took us seriously and promised to talk to their sons.

I went to the school and talked to the teacher. It turned out that the initiator for the whole thing was the teacher. She loathed my son for some reason. Sure, he was a wiseass, but an adult should be able to shut that up without turning against the child. The teacher had started to throw him out of the class for no reason. Her resentment made him a legal pray.

Arrange a meeting with BOTH teacher and the headmaster.

[Jukka Aho]

I went to the school and talked to the teacher. It turned out that the initiator for the whole thing was the teacher. She loathed my son for some reason.

That’s an unexpected turn of events. :( Usually the main sin of teachers in these situations is non-involvement, which is bad enough in itself: not seeing what is going on (sincerely), not “seeing” what is going on (because it is easier to turn a blind eye!), or seeing something but not taking it seriously enough.

As you suggest, going to the principal is a good move in any case – even when dealing with a fully co-operative and supportive teacher – since principals have more degrees of freedom than individual teachers, and can better take direct actions that will affect the entire school (environment.)

[raamv]

hmmm Actually its not that bad..since you dont get looks, and looks!!
I ve had my fair share of this in different countries ( US, Canada and here initially)..and I still get Stared at here at many markets even though I m regular at many places..
Though I am worriedfor ma kids, I am sure that we ll not make this a big deal!!
Just dont let it get to your or your son's skin!!! Ignore it as though its just another idiot trying to act smart!!

[littlefrank]

'but what was most shocking was that it came from a 9 yr old kid.'

We had a problem with our daughter using the word 'nikkeri' earlier this year when she was 5, she'd picked up the word in päivökoti. The staff sorted out the kids that were the problem and we sat down with our daughter with maps and explained different countries/different people and also pointed out that she has a cousin from Africa that is black. We haven't had a problem since then.

Every hot summer I get at least one racist comment and those 'looks', got them in Britain too, course I could wear shorts, my legs are usually lily white, but the comments just remind me how ignorant racists are.

[Rosamunda]

I would definitely include the rehtori in the discussion and if possible the school psychologist : there is one attached to every school, her phone number should be in the school's opinto-opas - she will be the one who ultimately decides what action needs to be taken in classroom/school.

I hope the school is receptive and willing to take action. All too often they prefer to minimise bullying and in some cases even treat parents as though they are paranoid. IMO this is because bullying is not clearly defined and some schools would dismiss name-calling and psychological harrassement as "normal" behaviour amongst kids. ie: anything short of physical harm is not bullying... But some of the worst bullying leaves no apparent physical scars. I guess it is difficult to draw the line but that is no excuse for not listening to parents and taking them seriously.

Personally I would avoid talking directly to the parents of the kids involved.... probably because I would feel uncomfortable doing that but also because it might aggravate the situation especially if it is the parents' attitudes that are fuelling the behaviour. If there is any kind of bullying at school then the school should be prepared to deal with it.

[Megstertex]

Hi Cory. Sorry to hear this, but it at least sounds like your boy is handling the situation quite well, it sounds like you have given him a well balanced life and instilled confidence and self-esteem in him.

Bullying seems to be a huge problem in schools, even at quite a young age. Compounding the problem is that there isn't usually an enforced consistent policy--most teachers are afraid of the little punks that bring knives to school, etc, and turn a blind eye. Then there are the opposite extreme, the few teachers that try to do something and overcompensate a bit, but they are not reinforced by an environment that supports their consequences and behavior modification, so in the end it doesn't work out so well, or then sometimes, they are doling out punishments in an entirely inappropriate way and creating their own "victims", (sounds like your son's teacher, EP)

I agree that you should include the principal, though sadly, often in these cases, it seems like there is discrimination coming from the very top levels, and you may be told all kinds of things in the office, but then behind closed doors be referred to as an over-reacting foreigner that doesn't understand the culture or the way things work here. Schools do not have the luxury, especially since Jokela, to let these anti-social behaviors go unchecked.

Is there a parent's board, or board of directors, or some higher power that the administration has to be held accountable? Parents have more power in groups, and they may take you more seriously if you act in a very calm, but serious manner, (a petition/goal or something regarding bullying policies perhaps) with several other like-minded parents on your side. It is sad to have to play politics, but I can only tell you to invest some effort in it now to nip this in the bud, as the older they get, the higher the stakes with the bullying and teasing, and verbal can quickly escalate to physical.

[EP]

behind closed doors be referred to as an over-reacting foreigner that doesn't understand the culture

Please, don´t draw the foreigner card here. I am not a foreigner, and I was told that I am over-reacting, even when I would have had bruises (from kicking) in different shades to show. Later there were head wounds, black eyes, torn clothes, and so on.

The teacher changed into another school after only one year, and after three years she changed careers. Which is a blessing.

The bullying didn´t stop till "yläaste".

[EP]

And don´t think that this was about racism, it isn´t. For example I am way darker than Finns usually, both skin and hair. But I wasn´t the one bullied at school. In my class it was the smallest boy in the class. He had spectacles. I am sure if there had been a fat kid, s/he would have been the chosen victim.

This happens when there is one insecure pupil in the class who tries to hide insecurity into "being tough". And when s/he gets followers the trouble is ready.

[Eledi]

a lot of parents, especially foreigners have complained about this bullying,,i've discusseed with many in my church and its there, from paivakoti to pre-schools and higher....we just have to learn how to deal with it in a calm but clever manner.....
i'll hate if someone call me Nekeri, but i'll DO BAD if someone call my child nekeri..i'm brit-french and my skin colour is dark but much fair, so is my kids,,,,once our daughter was bullied in paivakoti and when i asked my ex to go and talk to the staff(as hes also finnish), he refused and said its just non sense, and i'm just taking each and every small thing here too seriously, i said hello, you are a finn, i'm a foreigner and our kids are also considered as foreigners here, i was so serious and concerned and i said to him,i'm in with them and i went and discussed with the staff.
Remember the shooting in Jokela Tuusula?? (as if anyone in Finland will forget it), the beggining of ir was these bullying we r talking about...so its better be serious about them and try to take care of them as early as possible.

[stevoe]

Ive heard it so much over here, even my friends say it but they just don't realise how strong a word it is for us who have lived in other places, and how really offensive it is.....and Ive told them that if they say this in the states for example and somebody hears them, they better know how to run and fast...it just seems to be everyday language here...I really think they dont GET how offensive and rude it is..

steve