Motherly advice?

[enhjørning]

It's a bummer these M&M meetings are so far from where I live! We live in Lappeenranta, and travelling down to the HKI area is just not much of an option... I wouldn't dream of driving 'down there' (lol), and the train costs are utterly exhorbitant! But other than reading about such meetings from lurking about this forum, I don't know of any other type of playgroups for English speaking women and their children, and certainly haven't heard of anything in the Etelä-Karjala region.

My baby is only 3 months old, so a bit young for 'playing' with other kids yet, but I worry about him not having playmates when he gets older. I don't know any other moms, and I don't speak any Finnish, so I can't help but wonder where we'll find our boy some mates... Fair weather isn't too far around the corner, and by then my guy will likely be ready for playing with other babies, and I just can't help but feel that my inability to make friends with other Finnish moms will be holding his social development back.

I've only been a mom for a short time, and I already feel like I've ruined my boy's chances at a normal life as a Finnish child because I only speak to him in English. My husband isn't too worried but, then again, he's a Finn and it seems nothing phases him the way it does me. lol.

Have any other mothers here gone through feeling like this? Or, am I being too hormonal? Any advice? Thanks in advance.

And, I have searched the forum a bit, but didn't find anything specifically useful...

[Mattlill2000]

If a father can give some advice, we moved here when my kids were 2 and 6 and I spoke to them in english through thick and thin and they have kept their english, which is great. (But my daughter speaks speaks to me in Finnish) My advice is that you never stop speaking english to your baby. It will be beneficial in the long run. About your 3 month old baby social encounters, don't worry, I'm sure mommy is all the social life your baby needs right now. As for interaction with Finnish kids, when the time comes in about a year from now, just go to any Finnish playground, daycare center, etc., and your baby will take care of social interaction by itself. Its mommy who doesn't speak Finnish that may make you feel out of the circle, but I think you will meet other mommies and everything will be alright!
Everything is just fine. Your a loving mother and thats all that counts. My wife and I went all through all sorts things with our kids and now they are 14 and 18, and its been a great trip. Enjoy!!

[ScubaGirl]

I think hormones are playing a big part in how you feel right now, so try not to get too worked up over this because it will pass

My mom took me to Japan where we lived for a year just as I was learning how to talk. Japanese was my first language, but after that year we moved back to the states where none of my little friends understood a word I was saying. My mom started speaking to me in English and she told me that I was fluent in it after only a month! Kids are sponges, so don't worry... yours will pick up Finnish when he goes to daycare or starts school. I speak to my daughter in English and I have no worries about her being able to pick up Finnish when I put her in daycare. I have a friend whose 6 yr old speaks fluent Russian, Arabic, English & Finnish (mom is Russian, dad is Iraqi, but she goes to an international daycare where they speak both Finnish & English), it's amazing!!!

As for getting out and meeting other moms... I made several new "mommy friends" at my local park last summer that I still keep in touch with now and our children still play together. Summer will be here soon enough, take your fella to the park and try to strike up a conversation with another mom. Also, ask your nurse at the neuvola if she knows of any mommy/baby groups or any local indoor community park playhouses where you can take your guy to play & meet other moms/children. I was a nervous wreck when my daughter was born, but I just started asking around until I found out about different groups & baby friendly places to take her to. I know Lappeenranta is a very small town (I spent several months there a few yrs ago), but I'm sure if you ask enough people, you'll find something.

Best of luck to you

[EP]

You speak English to your child. (If it is your native language, if it isn´t, speak your native one, not English)

Your husband speaks Finnish to your child. (Finnish and only Finnish, no exceptions allowed)

You and your husband speak English to each other.

That way it goes fine. And now you are just lonely because you have no adult company, just about everyone is at that stage. I am a Finn, and even I was lonely (and a bit frightened because having a baby was so new) because we had just moved to another town where I knew nobody.

[Tiwaz]

Can't add much to what is said. Except that I would think it might be wise in smaller circles outside HKI area to make sure kids get fluent finnish skills (thus if at home no finnish is spoken, put them in finnish speaking daycare).

At least if you are in Finland for good. My concern is that at school having clearly heard accent can prove to be bad thing unless some huge amount of globalisation takes place. Having kid singled out by such thing can lead to being bullied/teased at school when they run into other kids who are not used to such things.

Or does someone have opposite knowledge? I might be wrong but from what I know of little places out in sticks it should not be too far from truth.

[Mattlill2000]

Or does someone have opposite knowledge?

My son didn't speak a word of Finnish when he started school, after just moving here. He went to a special class in his school for foreigners and eventually was in a "normal" class when his Finnish was acceptable. He had absolutely no problems. Made lots of friends and some of which he is still friends with. Great school.

[Tiwaz]

Or does someone have opposite knowledge?

My son didn't speak a word of Finnish when he started school, after just moving here. He went to a special class in his school for foreigners and eventually was in a "normal" class when his Finnish was acceptable. He had absolutely no problems. Made lots of friends and some of which he is still friends with. Great school.

Good for him. As I tried to point out, having clear accent is not necessarily going to get in trouble but makes it easier for child to get singled out. Though it's not as bad being audibly singled out as it is to be clearly of foreign origin from your looks.

I believe Cory in one thread mentioned something abour such situation with her child.

Though I would hope schools have paid more attention to school bullying from days when I was there.

[Hank W.]

I don't know any other moms, and I don't speak any Finnish, so I can't help but wonder where we'll find our boy some mates...

Unless you live 100 km from the nearest neighbour with kids, theres a thing called "sandbox" in usually every park and block of flats yard. Kids find their own playmates quite quickly.

[Rosamunda]

Did I miss something????
Enhjorning says she doesn't speak any Finnish. So what is the alternative? Taking a crash course in Finnish for Foreigners so she can speak to him in Finglish?

Of course she needs to speak to him in English (if English is her mother tongue, though I guess it could just be the "home" language between her and her husband and she is actually Norwegian????).

One language, one parent doesn't suit everyone (it didn't suit us at the time but we were all over the place) but it is probably the quickest route to active bilingualism.

Her son will not be the only non-Finn in the school (Lappeenranta..... ) so he will probably not be teased any more than the fat guy, or the one with glasses, or the one who is no good at running, or the Orthodox Russian who gets to skip RE.

BTW... a tip. If you like animals get a dog. I found that walks in the park took on a new dimension after we got Zelda. People stop and talk to people with dogs.