The cricket thingy in the YLE news yesterday

sammy · Post by **sammy** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 10:13 am

In case you missed it, here it is...

http://areena.yle.fi/toista?id=1297504

(link expires in a month or so)

**Sponsor:**

Salopian · Post by **Salopian** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 12:28 pm

Missed that. Cheers!

MagicJ · Post by **MagicJ** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:41 pm

Joke from the '87 tour of Australia.

The England camp are dining out one evening between test matches, the waiter comes round to take his order from Botham who asks for the Turtle. A few minutes later the waiter returns, and very apologetically says, "I'm sorry Mr Botham, you won't be able to have the Turtle, our chef has not been able to kill it, we just can't gets it's head to come out." Looking rather bemused Botham questions whether there is even a point to having the dish on the menu if it can't be served. Botham then says, "Look mate, bring me the Turtle and a bloody knife, I'll sort it out." The waiter returns, hands over the Turtle and the knife - Botham then shoves his middle finger up the Turtle's arse and then promptly chops it's now fully extended head off. Both the waiter and chef look on astounded! The chef exclaims, "Bloody hell mate, that was brilliant. What on earth made you think of that?" To which Botham relied, "Oh it was nothing, we have to do that every night just to get a tie on Gladstone's neck…".

MagicJ · Post by **MagicJ** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:42 pm

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:
"So how's your wife & my kids?" the reply from Botham was "my wife's fine, your kids are retarded".

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so @#$% fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I @#$% your mother, she throws me a biscuit."

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't @#$% bat."
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't @#$% bat & you can't @#$% bowl.

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.
A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
"This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say @#$% off."

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga:
And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney: "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat ****!"

James Ormond & Mark Waugh
Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.
Mark Waugh: "@#$% me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England."
James Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

Glenn McGrath & Ramnaresh Sarwan
McGrath to Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever @#$% mention my wife again, I'll @#$% rip your @#$% throat out!"

Mark Waugh & Adam Parore
Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball.
Mark: "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were !"#¤% then, you're @#$% useless now."
Parore (turning around): "Yeah, that's me. And when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut.
And now I hear you've married her, you dumb ****!"

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim.
Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone)
Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single.
This guy gets the ball in and says, "If you leave the crease I'll break your @#$% head."
Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the @#$% 12th man."

Malcolm Marshall & David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times.
Marshall: "Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs.
Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly
"I should've kept my legs together, Fred."
"So should your mother," he replied.

FFCBOY · Post by **FFCBOY** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 10:23 pm

Nice one magic made my day...

antstar · Post by **antstar** » Tue Jun 03, 2008 7:53 am

Yeah, sledging (i don't mean in the snow Finns) is good fun. Typically it mostly involves the Aussies! Mind you, they can back it up at the moment.

stewy · Post by **stewy** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:04 am

i reckon it's about time they get a side up and going in jyväskylä

Karhunkoski · Post by **Karhunkoski** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 9:42 am

stewy wrote:i reckon it's about time they get a side up and going in jyväskylä

I read something a couple of years ago that said there were plans, but heard nothing more.

I think the biggest problem is understanding the game

stewy · Post by **stewy** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 4:48 am

Karhunkoski wrote:
stewy wrote:i reckon it's about time they get a side up and going in jyväskylä

I read something a couple of years ago that said there were plans, but heard nothing more.

I think the biggest problem is understanding the game

hmm yeh, very true

i did play just over a month ago with two pakistanis up in keltinmäki, but unfortunately i haven't met anyone else who knows the game

it'd be good if a team was set up though, cause i'd definitely play.

oompah18 · Post by **oompah18** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:32 pm

Wow, magicj, those jokes/comments had me crying with laughter, brilliant! (As a teenager I had posters of Iam Botham over my room, while my school friends had pics of the latest pop idol!!)

Oombongo · Post by **Oombongo** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:15 am

btw..is there any chance to play Cricket in Helsinki/Espoo region?

antstar · Post by **antstar** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:11 am

Oombongo wrote:btw..is there any chance to play Cricket in Helsinki/Espoo region?

Helsinki\Espoo have (get this) 8 yes eight cricket teams! Tampere one and Turku also one! And i think one in Vassa.

Helsinki area teams :-
Empire CC
Espoo CC
Finnish Pakistani CC
Helsinki CC
Merisotakoulun KK
Men's Thinking Soc.
Stadin Krikellikerho
Vantaa CC

MagicJ · Post by **MagicJ** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:25 pm

I met up with this lot for a net last summer, nice crowd, they practice in Ruskeasuo.

You could go to Cricket Finland for links to other teams

john_smullen · Post by **john_smullen** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm

Two more to go with Magic's funnies.

15. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock
Told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately
for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to
Pollock: "You know what it looks like, now go find it."

16. Merv Hughes was playing for Australia against a South African
Provincial side during a tour to SA. Hansie Cronje was facing him on a
totally flat deck and belting fours and sixes from every one of Hughes'
overs. After Cronje hit Hughes for six for about the 8th time, Big Merv
ran down the pitch, let out a huge fart and said "Try and hit that for
six".
It was about 5 minutes before everyone was composed enough to continue
the game.
_________________

Oombongo · Post by **Oombongo** » Fri Jun 13, 2008 12:05 am

Thanks MagicJ for the links

Finland Forum

Find information about moving to, living in and life in Finland