sleepless nights!!

musta · Post by **musta** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:10 am

I am a student. I have met this suomi tyttö, dated for 9 months and moved in with her 8 months ago. Now, my visa expires in 4 months. I asked her to marry me to facilitate visa extension but she does not wanna marry me in near future. She has some crazy thoughts going on. She wanna live with me, no problem but she does not wanna marry at least for now. now, can i get visa extension by showing polisi i have been living with her for 8 months and she totally ready to tell polisi she will marry me in future but not near one??

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Salopian · Post by **Salopian** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:29 am

musta wrote:I am a student.

Then apply for an extension to your residence permit based on this.

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:46 am

can i get visa extension by showing polisi i have been living with her for 8 months

You must show that you have been living together for at least 2 years.

But you should ask yourself if you two have a future if she rather let you be kicked out of the country than marrying you.

Tiwaz · Post by **Tiwaz** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:19 am

Or if relationship has future in her mind if you just want to marry her for sake of getting visa extention.

I damn sure would not want to marry woman who wants to marry me for residence permit.

musta · Post by **musta** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:35 am

yes... there's impression that she is being used for visa and perhaps that's why she does not wanna marry now. How do i put it nicely to her she is not being used? but since she is ready to go to polisi to talk about our relations and future plans, she is into me as much as i love her. but .... marriage out of visa impression!!???? so... our living together for 8 months is nothing in the eyes of polisi?

Hank W. · Post by **Hank W.** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:58 am

musta wrote:she totally ready to tell polisi she will marry me in future but not near one??

The problem is the police have heard all the stories before and don't believe any. They want simple proof they can verify with papers - so they put you in a box. The box says married or 2 years cohabitation. If you fit, yes, if you don't fit, no. So in this case if neither of these work you better find some other box to fit in - is the student box still available? Of course you could ask her to come live with you in your home country for the 14 months...

Sulka · Post by **Sulka** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:37 pm

musta wrote:How do i put it nicely to her she is not being used?

I think you should not have been the one to suggest it at all. I know it's a bit late now, but if you had talked to her in a way that let's her know how real the fact is that you will have to leave soon, then maybe she would have stepped forward herself and brought up marriage.

She sounds smart in that she guards herself from being used. Not crazy at all. Even I'd be kind of shocked if my guy brought up marriage for visa purpose, and I've known him longer than you have your girl. But your plight is also real so try to express that to her.

Best of luck.

envy · Post by **envy** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 8:15 pm

so the conclusion is that you'd have to play it smart... strategically....
damn i wouldn't marry a girl who needs that.

anlisasuz89 · Post by **anlisasuz89** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:36 pm

Forget about the visa. Why live with someone who doesn't plan to marry you in the first place??

Sulka · Post by **Sulka** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:36 pm

gkatsanos wrote:so the conclusion is that you'd have to play it smart... strategically....
damn i wouldn't marry a girl who needs that.

I didn't mean you have to trick or manipulate her, though. It's about realising what is socially acceptable conduct. Like how you don't laugh if someone hurts themselves badly. Marrying someone to give them a visa is a huge favour, and you can't just drop such a bomb in someone's lap like that. Of course they'll immediately realise that if they refuse, it'll look like they don't have feelings for the asker. It's just rude to put someone in that position.

Upphew · Post by **Upphew** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:45 pm

anlisasuz89 wrote:Forget about the visa. Why live with someone who doesn't plan to marry you in the first place??

Mommy, is that you?

envy · Post by **envy** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:14 pm

Sulka wrote:
gkatsanos wrote:so the conclusion is that you'd have to play it smart... strategically....
damn i wouldn't marry a girl who needs that.
I didn't mean you have to trick or manipulate her, though. It's about realising what is socially acceptable conduct. Like how you don't laugh if someone hurts themselves badly. Marrying someone to give them a visa is a huge favour, and you can't just drop such a bomb in someone's lap like that. Of course they'll immediately realise that if they refuse, it'll look like they don't have feelings for the asker. It's just rude to put someone in that position.

hehe..
she's a woman and the guy actually proposed! how bad can it be?? hehe
although i agree he could put it in a different way....

Tiwaz · Post by **Tiwaz** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:58 am

gkatsanos wrote:
hehe..
she's a woman and the guy actually proposed! how bad can it be?? hehe
although i agree he could put it in a different way....

Humm... How bad it CAN be to marry someone who is giving you reason to presume he only wants to stick around you for sake of residence permit?
While you have genuine emotions invested...

It can be very bad. And tales of such cases grow ever more common in media.
First person is all lovey dovey, sweet as sugar... Then comes the question of needing marriage to stay. Totally lost finn agrees, presuming this is just fulfillment of True Love.

Then time goes by a little and reality starts to seep in. Emotions were not quite so mutual as finn thought. He/she was just convenient and naive gateway to Europe.
Finn has broken heart, loses half the possessions and ends up going through divorce.

So it can be very bad. Better be suspicious and not get married is what many more careful finns think.

(for record, never have been married with foreign woman so I am working only on experience regarding some familymembers and information which is widely available to public.)

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