My daughter bites in kindergarden, what shall we do?

ruyi · Post by **ruyi** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:41 pm

My daughter is now 1 year 10 months, we live in Espoo. We sent her to kindergarten at 1 year old and now it's been half a year, she often bites other children in Kindergarten. We had a 3 weeks holiday during Christmas, and after she return to kindergarten, she starts to bite again, this time even more serious. we educated her at home, and told her not to bite, and can not bite. But still she bites! The teacher said that it may be due to language problems, we don't speak Finnish at home, so she doesn't understand Finnish yet, when she is in kindergarten, she feels no safety and her self-protection awareness is strong. She nenver bited us at home, activates nicely and freindly. Has anyone had a similar experience can share with me what to do? I couldn't find other methods to handle and worrired about this situation.Thanks!

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irnbru · Post by **irnbru** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 2:04 pm

Can you get someone to read books to her in Finnish and help her with her Finnish a bit? I've had similar problems with my lad as he is a bit confused with the 2 languages at home and his language wasn't developing as quickly as kids that just have the 1 language but as his Finnish has improved the naughty behaviour has decreased. They just get frustrated unfortunately.

buldozr · Post by **buldozr** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:10 am

My daughter did that a lot, too. As she gradually gets more and more into Finnish girl-talk, she has proportionally less time for biting. The natives, they can't even really stop for inhaling

wicked lewis · Post by **wicked lewis** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:14 am

Is she integrated with other children? Does she bite, just to get attention or to be noticed? Just wondering if she feels left out or something similar.

Mölkky-Fan · Post by **Mölkky-Fan** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:05 am

First, do not panic... scratching, bullying, fighting, skipping school, stealing, alcohol, drugs, sex, biker boyfriends/ goth girlfriends are all to come

and nearly everyone has to put up with at least one of these issues with their kids. It is quite normal. We all feel terrible when our kids are either the doer or the receiver... but remember everyone goes through it.

Our son was in Dutch kindergarten at the same age as your child, and did not speak Dutch to start with... he scratched someone's daughter on the face the day of the school photos which caused a storm in a teacup, but was over in a day or two. My son's friend here in Finland was being bullied a couple of years ago and my son hit the boy who was bullying... the bully's parents were so devastated and apologetic, and made their son apologise to the boys and us... we all go through it, just a part of parenthood.

As per the other advice it is of course behavioural, and maybe linked to something such as language... Discuss with the teacher and it will be sorted out in due time.

tizlit · Post by **tizlit** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:41 am

The biting may have something to do with the language barrier, but not necessarily so. I have known a small child who started to bite others, when he was removed from a daycare centre to a private care at home - with another child. So it may be the change in the whole environment, not the language bit.

Make a list of all the changes your child has been subjected to, and see how it may effect this small person. You must try make positive atmosphere for her/him, as this 2-year old cannot understand if you simply tell her NOT TO BITE. She is too young for reasoning.

Idefix · Post by **Idefix** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:27 pm

tizlit wrote: You must try make positive atmosphere for her/him, as this 2-year old cannot understand if you simply tell her NOT TO BITE. She is too young for reasoning.

My 16 months old clearly knows what he is allowed to do and not do. They might not be able to reason at that age, but they do understand the words "not to". If they don't stop biting when trying to get them to stop, there might be underlying issues, like language frustrations etc. Or some things are just too fun and tempting to do anyways (but biting should not be such thing one would think, while not being able to let the dog chew in piece on her bone seems to be, argh!).

Mölkky-Fan · Post by **Mölkky-Fan** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:43 pm

Idefix wrote:Or some things are just too fun and tempting to do anyways

maybe the friends are just very good tasting...

CarmenfromTexas · Post by **CarmenfromTexas** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:55 pm

My oldest daughter bit the holy crap out of a little boy in nursery school. He looked like he had been in a car wreck and his mother wanted to kill me she was so upset and angry. I was terribly embarrassed and sad for the little boy.

It turned out she was going through some more teething and just needed some chewy toys. It felt good to bite. She was put into an older group of tots and the biting ended. Your child may be teething, bored, or both. When my daughter was at home, she never bit but I was spending a great deal of attention on her. So boredom may have played a large part while at daycare.

Try chewy toys and more mental stimulation at her daycare. I hope that works for you.

CarmenfromTexas · Post by **CarmenfromTexas** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 5:09 pm

Mölkky-Fan wrote:maybe the friends are just very good tasting...

Cannibalism opens the door to kuru. It may be cool in Fiji or on the Donner Pass but I don't think it will go down smooth in Finland.

Pursuivant · Post by **Pursuivant** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 6:51 pm

Mölkky-Fan wrote:
Idefix wrote:Or some things are just too fun and tempting to do anyways
maybe the friends are just very good tasting...

So if you dipped all the other kids in tabasco... erm...

Mölkky-Fan · Post by **Mölkky-Fan** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:40 am

CarmenfromTexas wrote:
Mölkky-Fan wrote:maybe the friends are just very good tasting...
Cannibalism opens the door to kuru. It may be cool in Fiji or on the Donner Pass but I don't think it will go down smooth in Finland.

Never be rude to a cannibal, you could get yourself in hot water!

CarmenfromTexas · Post by **CarmenfromTexas** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 12:40 pm

Mölkky-Fan wrote: Never be rude to a cannibal, you could get yourself in hot water!

A very good tip to remember-

PenelopeH · Post by **PenelopeH** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 5:11 pm

Bite her so she knows what it feels like. I don't mean draw blood or anything, but explain that it's not nice and this is how the other kids feel when she bites them. I have five children, none of them who I've abused, but if one of them bit some one, I bit them. They didn't bite too many people.

Mölkky-Fan · Post by **Mölkky-Fan** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 7:47 pm

PenelopeH wrote:Bite her so she knows what it feels like. I don't mean draw blood or anything, but explain that it's not nice and this is how the other kids feel when she bites them. I have five children, none of them who I've abused, but if one of them bit some one, I bit them. They didn't bite too many people.

This is the 21st century... beating, abusing and biting your kids is banned

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