Custody for unmarried couple

haisuli · Post by **haisuli** » Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:42 pm

Hello,

I am a citizen of EU (woman) that moved with his current couple and her son to Finland.
As we were not married, in the police they told us that we have to sign a "joint custody" agreement to give me an id number, and the woman said that it only means that we are the parents of the kid.
Unfortunately, we are considering to separate and as I don't have much opportunities to get a job in Finland, I would like to ask about the possibilities of leaving Finland with my son, because the father is arguing that the Finish law will protect him now that we have such agreement (and he is the Finnish and we are currently living in Finland) and I wont have possibility of leaving with my son. He is trying to push me to a bad agreement and I feel that Ive sacrificed some time of my career for moving to Finland but of course I wont loose my kid.

Anyone can clarify me the meaning of that agreement and about similar experiences?

Thanks a lot for your answers.

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ajdias · Post by **ajdias** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 12:06 am

haisuli wrote: As we were not married, in the police they told us that we have to sign a "joint custody" agreement to give me an id number, and the woman said that it only means that we are the parents of the kid.

"Acknowledgment of paternity" (ISYYDEN VAHVISTAMINEN)?
Am not strong on legal terms but "joint custody" is what usually happens after couples split.

Unfortunately, we are considering to separate and as I don't have much opportunities to get a job in Finland, I would like to ask about the possibilities of leaving Finland with my son, because the father is arguing that the Finish law will protect him now that we have such agreement (and he is the Finnish and we are currently living in Finland) and I wont have possibility of leaving with my son. He is trying to push me to a bad agreement and I feel that Ive sacrificed some time of my career for moving to Finland but of course I wont loose my kid.

When couples split normally the parents are given "joint custody" of their children and one parent is not usually allowed to take the child abroad. That may be different for unmarried couples, though and can vary according to circumstances.

You should look up links for some organizations that can help you and you child in this situation (perhaps http://www.monikanaiset.fi/ ) and is probably not a good idea to sign anything unless you are sure of your rights; check with lawyers if you have to. If you don't have means to hire one, you'll be able to get one from oikeusaputoimisto (Legal aid services for those with low or no income http://www.oikeus.fi/8852.htm)

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 8:44 am

From your post is is unclear what the situation is.
I guess it is like this:
You (female) and your biological son moved to Finland to be with your friend (Finn).
(It is unclear if your friend is the biological father or not.)
You singed a paper that either; a) recognized your friend as the father, or b) gave him joined custody.
This difference is essential for your situation. If he is officially the father, you cannot take your son abroad without his consent.
If he only has custody, you can try to reverse the custody process and then be free to do what you want.

I suggest you get professional advice.

biscayne · Post by **biscayne** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 7:08 pm

Have you declared your son as a Finnish citizen? Does he currently hold Finnish citizenship & passport, or is he currently a citizen of your country? This could be important. If he was never officially declared as a Finnish citizen, your embassy/department of foreign affairs may be willing to get involved. The other thing is, if your son was born abroad and lived there with you for some time, then you may be able to argue that the family life was begun in your country, you only came to Finland to pursue the possibility of a life in Finland, but as there are no career possibilites for you in Finland, you wish to return to your home country and resume life there. Your situation is not straightforward.

haisuli · Post by **haisuli** » Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:41 pm

Hello,

First of all, thanks a lot for your answers.

The situation is: We were living for some years in my home country as a couple before the kid was born and after as a family (the Finnish man is the father of the kid), but we are not married. We decided to move to Finland some time ago. The kid has double nationality.

When I tried to get this Finnish ID and social number, and I came with papers that showed that we were the parents etc.. but in my own language (as they are official papers), they said that it wasn't enough. When a foreign person (not married) come to Finland, the kid seemed to be automatically in his mother's custody until they live 2 years together in the country. So they told that we have to go to social services and sign that agreement (the name of the agreement is: "Sopimus lapsen huollosta, ja tapaamisoikeudesta"). I asked to the police (not to social services) that in my home country this "joint custody" means that we are separated and share the kid custody, but they answered that in Finland the laws are different that in my country, and that only means that we are a family.Because a family means both parents and you usually don't consider this things in a cool way before hand, I signed it some time ago.

I only want to ask if anyone know the exactly meaning of that agreement and specially for someone in my situation.
I wouldn't mind to share custody somehow (in fact I would like that the kid can be with both parents and cultures as much as possible), but I can't have means of life in this country and as any parent, I would like to be with mu kid in my home country.

Anyway, I will take legal advisory. Thanks for the links.

Br,

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