American Citizen married to Finnish Woman who wants divorce

[johnevano]

Thank you everyone for all of the advice and information. it has been so useful. i plan on calling the district court first thing on monday morning to find out some more information.

In addition, as i stated in a previous post... i really love this woman... and my unborn daughter. i really want to be able to work it out and have a happy family. i have been trying to think of something that i can do from here in the USA for her in Finland to melt her heart. i plan on heading to finland in mid-may, but if possible would like to make things better before that.

i looked online for things like singing telegrams etc... but couldn't find much.

Does anyone have any ideas of anything or any companies that provide something unique, sweet, and that would surely put a smile on her face?

Any ideas are welcome!! i just really want to something to show her how important this is to me and how much i want to be a great daddy to our little girl... and hopefully her dream man husband!!!

[EP]

You may love her but she must have had some reason to leave so quickly and in that state.

Forget the singing telegrams. For an expecting mother nothing is more exhilarating than cute, tiny, lovely, soft baby clothes. Go and buy the cutest things you can find and send them to her.

[Pursuivant]

Well, the other problem might be if you "try too hard". Now I wonder what made her go all culture shocked and run back home to ma? Too much bubblegum-peach-fuzz-pecan-pie-yeehaw- exposure? Then the last thing you want to do is order a strippogram. Go figure Finnish women.

Anyways, from the legal POV, a baby born in wedlock is the child of the husband and wife, even the husband has been stranded on MIR space station for 2 years. A child bborn of a Finnish mother automatically gets a Finnish citizenship. As you are married she can get dual US citizenship even born in Finland.

Its a little bad if you have no contact at all - if there would be someone able to mediate? Theres marriage councelling etc. available - also in English and even its a church thing theres a few priests with good experience of multicultural couples.

[johnevano]

I told her through an email that i found out about mediation stuff online and asked that if i flew to finland if she would go. she said no.

i really think that her hormones are just really messed up during the pregnancy. i don't want to "try too hard", but i do want to show her that i really do care and love her. i wish there was some sort of happy-medium. i already plan on buying everything possible for the baby... it would just be so much better for our daughter "erica" to come into this world and the first thing she sees is her two happy parents.

ahhhhhhh... life definitely throws some curveballs. i just hope i can find a way to do everything right. This finnish prinsessa stole my heart from the moment i laid eyes on her!!

[Pursuivant]

i really think that her hormones are just really messed up during the pregnancy

I can agree that was my assesment of the situation (all the local ladies call me a chauvinist pig anyways). But we add culture shock into the equation so it ain't easy even without hormones.

[EP]

i already plan on buying everything possible for the baby...

Everything possible is not what I meant. I meant you go to a baby shop or department and PICK UP the cutest ONE or TWO outfits you find. Cute and special, doesn´t have to be practical. And make a nice package and send them tomorrow. Don´t plan, DO.

[sinikala]

This finnish prinsessa stole my heart from the moment i laid eyes on her!!

I may be wrong, but I understood that calling a woman a princess in Finland is more of an insult than a compliment, implying that she is spoilt and overly sensitive.

[johnevano]

you could be right... that is just what i have called her since i met her when she was on vacation where i lived in south beach. it was the first finnish word i learned. and there's nothing wrong with a woman being a little spoiled and sensitive. i just hope that it didn't seem offensive to anyone else.

[silk]

Since we are jumping into patronizing conclusions about hormones etc based on posts on an internet forum, here is another perspective: How do we know the OP's wife is not trying to escape an abusive relationship? We haven't heard her side of the story.

[johnevano]

I am the original poster and i can ensure that i am not implying nor making conclusions based on my wife's state of mind. In fact, i would be upset if anyone said anything derogatory pertaining to her. She is an amazing woman... and I have not a bad thing to say about her.

Yes, the past few months have been troublesome since the pregnancy.... maybe because of hormones, stress, getting married quickly, becoming pregnant, or maybe even just because she realized that she made a mistake and didn't love me. I am sure that i didn't do everything 100% perfect either. It was a major cultural and relationship learning curve for both parties.

My only point of writing in this forum was for some advice. I lived with her in helsinki and vantaa for 5 months, but that is the only experience with Finland that i have. Not knowing laws, customs, and even the language... makes it very difficult for someone on the other side of the world to gain information dealing with issues like this. I already love my unborn daughter and want to use every possible avenue i can find to help. To be honest, the information i have received in the last 24 hours has helped me immensely. Just being able to find out answers to questions and have the opportunity to vent. Everyone has been more than helpful.

I can assure you that there was no abusive activity, nor would there ever be abusive activity in this relationship. Yes, her side of the story isn't told here... but neither is mine really. I have not gone into specifics about anything nor said anything negative. I just asked for advice from people living in a country i know little about. Hopefully it helps in the long run!

[ajdias]

Since we are looking at different perspectives how do we know that the OP is not a Marcian sent by his fellow green dudes to rule Finland? It explains why he wants to return to Finland (going back empty handed would mean losing 5 of it's legs...)
Phew!

In addition, as i stated in a previous post... i really love this woman... and my unborn daughter

You know, without knowing your situation I am compelled to tell you: you probably aren't going to win her back; in fact everything you do towards it is likely to produce the opposite effect in her (as to what you hope for). I've been in both sides: I've hoped to save my marriage (w/ kids) by trying to impress my ex. I only notice how ineffective that was (despite what my friends told me) later when some chick started harassing me. Yup, that's how I saw it, she probably thought she was being romantic.
If you want to have a chance with your ex you must make a happy life for yourself and completely forget about her for now; do what you do for your daughter, and only for her. She is the one that you'll must be there for.
I suspect this probably won't make much sense to you right now, but at some point you may come back to this thread and have an insight. Best luck to you.