I divorced from my (feel free to insert your own negative adjectives) Finnish wife about a year and a half go. We have two wonderful children (ages 4 and 6) who we both love very much. I think it's safe to say that I'm a good, loving, available father to them. After a year of endless fighting over custody arrangements, my -ex and I finally agreed on a deal. I will have the kids just under 40% of the time (I wanted 50/50), long summer vacations and all that other stuff. We went to the Lastenvalvoja (child custody officer), got everything down on paper and signed. We have joint custody but she is considered the primary caregiver. I was, overall, happy because I thought it totally guaranteed that I would get to be a 'real father' (i.e. one who sees his kids a lot) to my kids.
However, yesterday I was speaking with a female friend of mine who is also divorced. She told me that it was possible that if my ex-wife wanted to move to say, Iisalmi, with the kids, then she could. She then said that because of concern for the welfare of the children (naturally a 40/60 agreement wouldn't work if she is in Iisalmi and I'm in Helsinki) the courts would change the custody agreement. So, in other words, if my ex-wife wanted to move back to Iisalmi with the kids there is NOTHING to stop her (remember that she is considered the primary caregiver).
My question: Can this REALLY be true? Doesn't the signed custody agreement mean anything? And, if it is true, wouldn't the courts consider the possibility that maybe it's a horrible thing for the children if they are ripped away from their loving father? I just can't believe that 1) this would be possible even after everything has been signed and 2) the courts would consider it the benefit of the children to basically take them away from their father.
Thanks in advance.
P.S. PLEASE no silly, sanctimonious advice on how we should be thinking about the feelings of our children. OF COURSE We do...or at least try our best do. My question is a legal one, not one about how we should raise our kids (which I think we do a good job of).
Exasperated divorced dad
Re: Exasperated divorced dad
I don't know the laws in Finland but I'd guess that's completely true. It works that way in many other countries. Custody agreements don't tend to stop people moving. Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do. But has she said she plans to move? I mean there is no use worrying about something if it's not going to happen!
Good luck, I hope you figure it out. It's good you're trying to be there for your kids.
Good luck, I hope you figure it out. It's good you're trying to be there for your kids.
Re: Exasperated divorced dad
Yes your ex can move to wherever she wants with the children (within Finland).
The shared custody agreement remains valid. It only involves more transportation.
I know other cases where the ex partners live 500 km apart and still have a 50/50 custody arrangement. It can work.
The shared custody agreement remains valid. It only involves more transportation.
I know other cases where the ex partners live 500 km apart and still have a 50/50 custody arrangement. It can work.
Re: Exasperated divorced dad
I think you could have had it said in the custody agreement that the primary caregiver is not allowed to move more then "X" amount of kilometers from the other parent, without consent from said parent, that of course would mean it has to go through the lawyers or courts if a move is anticipated... My ex has always been worried I might up and move to Finland with our kids, so he made sure I couldnt do that easily with having it said in the agreement that I am not allowed to move more then 75 kilometers away from him (I can have that changed in the courts if I have a valid reason such as I have a better job offer or mine and the kids state of living would be better if we moved further away) but it would involve a lot more work on my part to get permission for a big move... as a father you have rights to a lot of things but you have to fight much harder then the mother would, so make sure you get these things settled through lawyers... and for sure if she does move you still have the time you have set out in the agreement you have now, it just means you will both have to settle on the travel expenses (she would have to pay also, so you would both have to pay for half the expenses of passing the kids between each other) who pays exactly how much of the travel expenses can be determined by both of your incomes, but for sure it does have to be settled before any big move... and remember you can always change agreements in court, it just costs more money and time... and if she does just up and move away, and denies you your schedualed access time, you can use that against her in court, because your child has a right to having both parents in their life...
