Help requested: small text translation

[Mick75]

Hi

First off; my apologies for barging in. I realize it's only my first post here on this great forum (I've been reading a lot though!), but I'm at my wits end and need someone's help to get the following text translated.
I'd rather not mention the specifics, but let's say it concerns infidelity of a certain someone I'm married to.

I hope someone can help me with this; from what I was able to figure out through Google Translate it's not good, but I need a proper translation before I can take the next steps.

I understand this is highly irregular and not desired in this forum, but any help at all would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Text:

Joo no me asutaan saman katon alla mut emmä tiiÄ.. TÄÄ on niin complicated taa meidan juttu mick kanssa. Huhuh..Valilla kaikki on tulta ja tappuraa ja valilla taas tuntuu et kyl ma kestan Danin takia. Onhan meilla jotain viel meian valilla.
Mick on ihan hyva tyyppi mut oon aika sale siita ettei me olla niita sielunkumppaneita..siis se oikea. Pelaan hiukan aikaa. Joka kuulostaa kylmalta mutta toimii ja Mick hyvaksyy tan. Ma tiian et Mick on ihan hirveen vahvat tunteet ja sen rakkaus paistaa lapi joka kulmassa sen takia musta tuntuukin just itsemurhalta jattaa se nyt ku se minua eniten tarvii. Eli taistellaan nyt sit viela

Se Henrik jonka silloin tapasin oli loistotyyppi, musta tuntu
valilla et mikaan ei voisi menna pieleen sen kanssa.
Hengailtiin 2,5kk yhdessa ja musta tuntu et sillakin muodostu tunteet. Mut ma jouduin sen jattaa kuitenkin koska ei siit oisi sen hetkisessa tilanteessa mitaan tullut.
Esitin asiat hienovaraisesti mut ilmesesti otti niin koville et
ei halua pitaa mitaan yhteytta minuun.. sanoi et ei vaan halua eika pysty ymmartaa.
En makaan ymmarra miks ma en tarttunut siihen ja antanut palaa kunnolla.
Mut ehka parempi nain. Olenhan virallisesti viel naimisissa olevaa lihaa:)

Mut no kattoo mita naista tulee. Ei miehii voi ymmartaa..ei sit millaan..

[Finnsauna]

Yeah well we live under same roof, but I dont knoow... ITS so comlicated this our thing whit mic. Huhuh, sometimes everything is just fire and ash and sometimes feels thath I can take becoase of Dan. We have something beetween us still. Mic is pretty good guy, but Im pretty sure thath we dont fit together...the right I mean. I play little time. Someone sounds cold and works and Mick accepts this. I know thath Mick have very strong feelings and thath its love shines trough every corner, thats why I feel like suicide to leave it now when it needs me most. So fighting about it still.

Then thath Henrik thath I met once was great guy, I felt sometimes thath nothing cant go wrong whit it. We spedn 2,5 months together and I felt thath even him had developed feelings. I had to leave it becoase in thath situation nothing would have came out of thath. I said things carefully and I think It took so hard that he didn`t wanted to keep any contact whit me...said just thath dont want or cant understand. I dont understand eather why I didn``t grap him good and hold. But better this way. I am officially married flesh

I think thaths from somepadys diary eh? Anyway thath translation is not super accurate, becoase my english is not best and its late at night. Anyway you should understand it.
If someone wants to make it more accurate and easyer to read, please do so. but Im going to get some sleep soon.

[Pursuivant]

Lucky bastard that Dan such a giving wife, I'd pimp her more and get some profit

[Mick75]

Lucky bastard that Dan such a whore, I'd pimp her more

Dan's my son

I think thaths from somepadys diary eh? Anyway thath translation is not super accurate, becoase my english is not best and its late at night. Anyway you should understand it.
If someone wants to make it more accurate and easyer to read, please do so. but Im going to get some sleep soon.

Thanks, that helps a lot. And no, it's not from a diary

[Pursuivant]

Oh, so you're "mick" then... well, "finnsauna" is munk as a dronkie but the translation is on the mark more or less minus the spelling

I'd rather not mention the specifics, but let's say it concerns infidelity of a certain someone I'm married to.

Sorry for the facts that was ... ummm... if not *specific* quite... ummm... been sold as a penny post leaf in victorian era

[EP]

sielunkumppaneita

That is the word Finnsauna didn´t translate: soulmates.

For heavens sakes, when do some people start to understand that there is no such thing and marriage in the long run is something else than "tulta ja tappuraa". BTW, I don´t think "tappura" means ash, in my head it means something that feeds the fire.

[Pursuivant]

"fire and oakum" - its actually tarred bits used for caulking you can kindle a fire with very good

[Finnsauna]

Yeah, I said my translation is what it is. But I think somepady had good laugh at it?

[EP]

I think somepady had good laugh at it?

Mick certainly didn´t.

[Pursuivant]

But "Finnsauna" I think you said you were from Oz?

...OK, mixed you with someone else then. Lots of saunas around

[Finnsauna]

What the? I never said thath. Im from finland.