Please help!!! My ex's girfriend hit my girl!!!!!!!!!

[kindia]

Damn, I am angry and frustrated!!!!!!!!!!
My ex has a gf and she hit my 6years old daughter and yelled on her because my daughter broke a comb:(.
I know for sure because the bitch confessed to a close friend and she was worried that my daughter is gonna tell me on her retun home.
The bitch even waited the right time when my ex was out with the garbage!!!!!
My kids are with their dad everey now and then and now I am affraid to let them there again.
Please advice who should I call to put on the paper some condition under what my ex can take the kids?
I am disperate and thinking that wasn't the first time.

Thank you very much.

[he11kat]

Well ~I~ would simply just whoop her ass, but that's ~ME~ ! You need to talk with your ex and definitely talk with her about the accusations your daughter made. Other than that I don't think there is much else you can do if there are no marks on our daughter otherwise you could probably call the police.

[kindia]

I will call "Lastensuojelu" and YES, I feel like killing her but this will only solve my anger .
I dont want to let my kids with her anymore.

[FinnGuyHelsinki]

Get a lawyer and have a formal custody agreement made between you two. That applies to all cases you may have any disagreements about the details.

[rinso]

If it is a single incident, you shouldn't worry to much.
But if you suspect a pattern, you should report it to child welfare and start building up a dossier.
And yes, get a custody agreement in writing. (child welfare can help you with it)

But don't go berserk on your reaction. It would only make a negotiated solution impossible.

[kindia]

Thank you for your advicess.
rinso, the think is that looking back, I suspect she has done that before . I am soo angry! Can you beleive she has only seen my kids for 5-6 times all together during weekends and one week holiday last August? How dare she???

[rinso]

Can you beleive she has only seen my kids for 5-6 times all together during weekends and one week holiday last August?

That's the problem. There is no established relation and she has no experience to control a 6yo.
And when your ex was not home, it was up to her to to deal with a problem.
She might need some help to deal with those situations instead of an escalation of the conflict.

[kindia]

Are you telling me that I should close my eyes on violence against my girl???!!!! I just found out that she has yelled on my 5 yo son too!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What relation?????!!!!!!!! Can my 6yo daughter hit back?????? Is that what your are telling me???
I WILL NOT CLOSE MY EYES ON THIS!!!
Are you a mother ???? Do you know how is to carry a baby in your tummy for 9 months, to protect her and quit on yourself for her and suddenly to find out a BITCH is abusing her phisically and mentally?
The bitch doesnt stand a chance, I'll put social servicess to trace her.

[EP]

Why don´t you just start by talking to your ex.

And no, I certainly don´t mean you should close your eyes. Just start from the closest option, and that is the children´s father. Does he even know what has happened?

[kindia]

I spoke with him and it seems he only think she yelled on my daughter - like that is ok:( . He was first shocked and then said he doesn't think she would do something like that. Anyway, the fact is that she abused my little gril (and boy) and she has to learn one can't do that in no circumstances.

[ajdias]

Why don´t you just start by talking to your ex.

It probably feels very painful to kindia to entrust her own children with the father and have their suffering helplessly at the hands of a third person. You are fully justified to be angry. But you should be very careful too, bc it's the father foremost responsibility to stand for his own children.
Some fathers (and mothers too) have a hard time getting their priorities right - particularly if they are freshly divorce (1, 2 years) and their new partners don't have kids of their own; they often feel one down because they have someone else in their lives, particularly if the new gf does not.

So you may want to follow up with EP's advice. You want him on the children's side, and not feeling like he has to defend her. The children will need him in the future and so will you. It is not easy and it takes a lot of patience but you should look for the best to your children.
Good luck.

[rinso]

Are you telling me that I should close my eyes on violence against my girl???!
.....
The bitch doesnt stand a chance, I'll put social servicess to trace her.

Your response shows that you are way to emotional to solve the situation.
You're heading for a head on collision with her. This will force your ex to choose between her and you instead of between her and his kids.
The lines of communication will break down and you have no influence there anymore.
Next thing you probably will do is refuse to let your children go. But your ex has rights to and he might enforce his rights.
From that time on any complain you make is seen as a part of the conflict between you and your ex, not as a genuine worried mother.

If there is a problem, you have to solve it, not let it escalate in a fight between bitches.

[Lisa 15]

Are you telling me that I should close my eyes on violence against my girl???!
.....
The bitch doesnt stand a chance, I'll put social servicess to trace her.

Your response shows that you are way to emotional to solve the situation.
You're heading for a head on collision with her. This will force your ex to choose between her and you instead of between her and his kids.
The lines of communication will break down and you have no influence there anymore.
Next thing you probably will do is refuse to let your children go. But your ex has rights to and he might enforce his rights.
From that time on any complain you make is seen as a part of the conflict between you and your ex, not as a genuine worried mother.

If there is a problem, you have to solve it, not let it escalate in a fight between bitches.

Totally agree with you Rinso