Child custody question

[Mölkky-Fan]

The only advice I feel able to offer is that there are two sides to every story, and if you have a very polarised view then you will never understand or progress.

[rinso]

Do u think he got a chance?

As long as she is not harming the child, it will be very difficult or almost impossible to change the custody arrangements.
And I know that harming is also includes mentally, but bad mouthing the father is probably not enough.
There should be serious signs of neglect or so before you have a case.

You could try to change the arrangement so that the father is the main care giver (living at your place during the week) if her living conditions are bad for the kid. But the argument alone that yours is a better place is not enough.

[rinso]

Show your facts to childs welfare and see what they think. They have much more experience with these kind of things.

[ajdias]

Even if the dont have money to support them?

Using such sentence is likely to do more harm than good to you, ask a social worker or a lawyer.
Finns pride themselves on their security services and people on the system believe it works (they have too, otherwise how would they sleep?...)

Get a lawyer to help you (someone with experience in family law), you problably will need a court decision and if not the lawyer can help understand the trade-offs. It's good he keeps the text messages, the more he has in written the better.

[Mölkky-Fan]

I dont think i cant see both sides. He always shows me the txts messages and i always can hear him when the talk/fight. When i arrived to his house she didnt let him see the child for 2 weeks. She didnt answer the phone or open the house door. And social work lady already know that.

She wont let him be the main care giver. He also told her she can just stay with the money if she wants...but the kid needs one home. He´s havin behaviour problems, and every time he comes back from his mom is bad again. And during the week he starts gettin easier but then he leaves again...

The other option is too let him just be on his mom´s house, but she cannot afford that. But she´s pissed and just wont give up cause she thinks this is just a stupid battle against my husband. And is not...would be much easier for us just let her take the kid and just see him on weekends.

The kid is just a war trophy for her.

I just dont get what finnish court will consider as child best interests...Do court in this century still thinks that ALL moms are the best for a child? Even if the dont have money to support them?

Are you a mother? It sounds like you are not as you do not seem to understand the mother-child bond... no-one wants to give up their own children, and will fight to keep them in most cases. The idea that the child is a trophy of war might be a side issue but I would guess not the main one, and she turned down the money your husband offered so that is not the issue (despite your first mail saying it was only for the child money that she wanted her child).

If you look from her point of view, her husband left her without much money, and now he is shacked up with a newer model and they are now trying to take away her daughter.

Do you really wonder why she is unhappy when you turned up at his house? I think that is quite natural. When people split up it is often acrimonious.

The court is the best place to sort it out... they will look unemotionally at the situation, and do what they and the law think is best for the child (and I guess the mother-child thing would be a big negative for you... despite the good home you are offering).

[Rosamunda]

(and I guess the mother-child thing would be a big negative for you... despite the good home you are offering).

and im a stay at home mom to be.

I think the OP meant she was expecting a baby.

It is clearly a complicated situation and this is no place to discuss it (IMO). There is a organisation in Helsinki called "Duo" that has frequently posted messages on this forum. I think you would be better going to them for advice as they are professionals and even if they cannot answer your questions that can surely tell you where to find help.

http://www.familiaclub.fi/duo_homepage

[Pursuivant]

Would you trade 2010 ur new volvo for a bit older lambo?