Not Impressed With Finnish Elementary Schools

[Xochiquetzal]

My 7 year old has been at the elementary school here in Tapiola for 3 months now in first grade. In that time, between the school and the aftercare program, she's:

1) Kicked in the stomach, forced on the ground, and then kicked repeatedly by a school mate who laughed through the whole thing
2) had her name and "on paska" written across playground equipment in indelible ink
3) been exposed to pornography by a group of third grade boys who 'got it from an older brother"
4) found a 3" tack in her boots (fortunately, I found it BEFORE she put her foot in the boot).

And there's a lot more than that. I'm honestly frustrated. I don't know if it is because she has a foreign mother or what - but this 'anti bullying' program/policy that the schools all tout is quite frankly useless. And I'm starting to get really upset since I'm not getting any other response from authorities other than, "we can't even touch a student. I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do."

Her best friend goes to a different school in Latokaski, Espoo. They had two drag down fist fights in the first grade there within the first week alone. Honestly, I expected better of the Finnish schools than this.

[Keplerinvaimo]

I hear you, we've had bullying and teasing issues since grade 1...

However, if this happens inside school hours, it is definitely the school's problem. Start with the class teacher and work your way up, until you get the response or action you're looking for.
Encourage your daughter to speak up and that it's okay to say something. Our son did for a while, he's stopped again due to belief that 'teacher's don't care' (Personally, I think that it's partly apathy and partly they don't realise the extent of the problem, because none of the kids speak up).

Is the school part of the 'Kiva Koulu' program? If not,look into suggesting that they join. The program has helped our school, although I think there is still much room for improvement. When the bullying was at it's worst we ended up having 3 meetings between boys, parents and teachers until the situation was resolved.

Are you active in the school? (Parents Association, Class committee, that type of thing?) If you're going to be at the school for the next 6 years, make them realise you're serious about the school.

If there are other kids with foreign parents also getting bullied then that is an issue that school should be aware of. Could also be that for whatever reason, your daughter has been noted as an easy target. That's worse and has happened to us. Seems to me, many of the children in our son's class have nil respect for others and concept of friendship is totally foreign. Sorry, getting a bit worked up now. (I'm so tired of the situation, I'm contemplating changing schools for year 6).

Good luck.

[Upphew]

1) Kicked in the stomach, forced on the ground, and then kicked repeatedly by a school mate who laughed through the whole thing
2) had her name and "on paska" written across playground equipment in indelible ink
3) been exposed to pornography by a group of third grade boys who 'got it from an older brother"
4) found a 3" tack in her boots (fortunately, I found it BEFORE she put her foot in the boot).

1st is and 4th is probably cause for getting police involved. You have doctor's statement of the injuries?

Her best friend goes to a different school in Latokaski, Espoo. They had two drag down fist fights in the first grade there within the first week alone. Honestly, I expected better of the Finnish schools than this.

Finnish school system can do something (less nowadays, as practically all physical contact is nono), but even it can't change human nature in such a short time.

[Pursuivant]

And I thought Tapiola was the posh area
http://www.hs.fi/english/article/Concer ... 5261654055

[Upphew]

And I thought Tapiola was the posh area

Back in my day it didn't matter if you were kid of boss or drunkard. At times you were bullying other times bullied and either case you ended up fighting at some point.

[Pursuivant]

I went to a school run by nuns of the bleeding heart - I think I was a cat in a previous life, as them sisters just needed to look at you to kill...

[he11kat]

If no one is willing to help the sitiation then I think it's best you teach your child to fight back. I swift karate chop to the throat really does make a real impact... I'm not for violence (ok so -I- am), but try to teach my kid differently. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do in such a sitation as this.

[he11kat]

damn keyboard.. I really do know how to spell 'situation'...proof reading, not so much.

[EP]

we ended up having 3 meetings between boys, parents and teachers until the situation was resolved.

That is the best way.

And I see nothing has changed in 25 years. It is heartbreaking. Those times were the heaviest in my family.

First it was a meeting me + the teacher (in her first job, no real experience and in my opinion she made the bullying possible because it was evident that she didn´t like my son, that was easy to sense ---> an accepted target). Then it was a meeting me + teacher + principal. Made no difference. Then it was a meeting me + husband + teacher + principal. That helped a little. Then something happened again, and I started to phone the parents, and at the same time my husband started to ring doorbells. Only then it ended. Parents of the bullies have to be involved. In most cases it comes as a total surprise and an eye opener that their little angel is not so angel-like. Most of them were schocked.

[Lisa 15]

Ny husband was bukllied during the whole primary school threfore we are extremely uneasy about this. When we noticed last year that our daughter was being bullied by a group of 3 kids, we went straight to the teacher. We were both part of the parents association. Then my husband talked to the parents of the bullier, and finally school decided to separathe the gourp of 20 kids into 2 groups of 10. That is when it stopped. My kid wasn't the only one suffering from those 3 kids, but no-one else really did anything at the time. Now it is over, the 3 kids are not in the same group and there is no more problem. At least for the time being. I also consider gettig my kid into a self defence sport because she's quite shy and doens't react when someone attack her, but I need firts to convince hubby bout that....

[Upphew]

I also consider gettig my kid into a self defence sport because she's quite shy and doens't react when someone attack her, but I need firts to convince hubby bout that....

First thing that they teach in every self defense course is: run (or at least I hope so, knowing some moves is not going to look good in court, regardless who started it is a case of armed vs. unarmed and it is hard to argue it as self defense when you used more force) . Not saying that it wouldn't help her, at least it would probably help with shyness, but it wouldn't have to be any contact sport to gain that.

[Oombongo]

seems that raising kids is not only getting expensive but also getting harder and harder..

[AldenG]

If no one is willing to help the sitiation then I think it's best you teach your child to fight back. I swift karate chop to the throat really does make a real impact...

Yes, it can easily kill.

[Tiwaz]

If there are other kids with foreign parents also getting bullied then that is an issue that school should be aware of. Could also be that for whatever reason, your daughter has been noted as an easy target. That's worse and has happened to us. Seems to me, many of the children in our son's class have nil respect for others and concept of friendship is totally foreign. Sorry, getting a bit worked up now. (I'm so tired of the situation, I'm contemplating changing schools for year 6).

Odds of kid with foreign parents being bullied is hither than for rest.

Let's face reality, kids essentially show us what we humans are like without decades of ingrained limitations.
We are pack animals, and packs like to be homogenous. Kids do not have concept for multiculturalism. They have two settings, you are in or you are out.

Being different is going to cause lots of problems, which is why I am trying to tell everyone here to let their kids become "like the rest". Even if it chafes parent to see their little kid appear to lose some of the influences of parents foreign origin.

As for solution for bullying. Best I can recommed based on what I have seen in my life is...

Change of school. Preferably arranging trasfer to one where bullied one has other friends. (and because of this, letting kids get friends by mingling is essential. Having few friends come from kindergarten to first grade and so forth radically drops risk of being bullied, as kid has pack of his/her own already)

Yes, sucks that bullied one has to go, but let's face reality. Bully is not going to be happy when they end up being told to behave by teachers, parents and so forth. And there is real risk that they get even more vicious when they have new spite and hate for their victim.

[he11kat]

he11kat wrote:
If no one is willing to help the sitiation then I think it's best you teach your child to fight back. I swift karate chop to the throat really does make a real impact...

Yes, it can easily kill

I had to deal with a bully when I was a young kid and all it took was one hit. Depending on how hard you hit someone in the throat depends on the seriousness of the injury, but it also depends on the size of the other person. The point of the whole sentence was to teach your child to fight back and defend themself. Whatever the tactic, make it count.