Engaged to Finnish person, worries/questions.

[Lycorish]

I'm American, 24 year old female. My fiancé is male, Finnish, 25, and lives in Helsinki. I won't tell you our whole life story, just that we've been together for 3 years now, and I have come here to helsinki for 3 months at a time to spend time with him, totaling a year in all. Very expensive, but also worth it.

Last October, he asked me to be his wife, and I said yes. We had planned for me to be able to move here next year. It's a slightly scary thing to leave my homeland, but I do like it quite well here, and anything is worth it to be able to be with him. He's my best friend as well as my lover, and I hate being so far away from him.

Recently however, he had a break down, and doesn't know if marriage is what he wants. He had many worries, like if he is able to take care of me, if I would be happy here and be able to assimilate here.

So, the main point of this thread is to ask what exactly happens after a foreigner marries a finnish person? What, if any benefits would they get, and is there any way for them to work here at all if they don't know much of the language?

I'm an artist, and I had planned from the beginning to do what I did to raise money for the tickets and my spending money here each time, and I was also going to start up other things that I could basically do from anywhere to make money. (I am not one to just let someone take care of me like a pet.) I feel like that and what he gets/makes would be perfectly fine for both of us, but yeah... He still worries -a lot-... and I think we would both be able to understand things better if we knew what happens with foreigners who marry into Finland.

And for the record, I do plan to take language courses, and I have had no problem just being in Finland when I've been here. Even when people happen to not speak english, there doesn't seem to be much of an issue in communicating through gestures.

Any advice, examples, or help would be sooo much appreciated. I've haunted this forum for a while now, and I've seen some pretty useful threads in the past about marrying. You guys are great. <3

[rinso]

He had many worries, like if he is able to take care of me

Only he can tell if and at what level he can support a family.

if I would be happy here and be able to assimilate here.

If you're able/willing to adept, this should not be a problem.
(although it might take some time before you feel comfortable)

what exactly happens after a foreigner marries a finnish person?

That ranges from an early break up till a long and happy life together.

What, if any benefits would they get

If he has a job; very little (apart from free education and almost free medical care.

is there any way for them to work here at all if they don't know much of the language?

Without (nearly fluent) Finnish, getting a job is very difficult.
But as an artist, you could work free lance or try to sell your work. You would be much less handicapped by limited language skills.

[sinikettu]

He needs some reassurance and I doubt that advice given on an internet message board will reassure him.
He needs to hear it from Finnish authority.
Tell him to go visit the Kela Office (Social and Welfare) and ask all his questions/worries there, you can of course go with him.
As Rinso says, much depends on individual circumstances e.g: his employment situation.

[Lycorish]

Thank you, you two. =) I will talk to him about going to the KELA office when he gets home. (I am here to visit him until january) I know his working condition isn't stable at the moment, and he stresses out about that a lot.

Also, the eduction+Medical benefits sound great, especially since I did plan on taking the courses here to learn finnish. I wonder if anyone knows any americans who came here, and how they transitioned?

[Rosamunda]

You might be able to find some information here:

http://www.familiaclub.fi/duo_advice_service.html

Apparently they also have a page on Facebook.

[Pursuivant]

Recently however, he had a break down, and doesn't know if marriage is what he wants. He had many worries, like if he is able to take care of me, if I would be happy here and be able to assimilate here.

Which is actually a good thing - a lot of people start going through that breakdown after the fact.

So, the main point of this thread is to ask what exactly happens after a foreigner marries a finnish person?

They get an angular face and a waxy complexion--looking pale and drained, only come out at night because they fear sunlight, have no reflections... regular stuff.

How about the option of getting him a green card and moving to the area between south canada and north mexico?

[Oombongo]

Instead of moving to Finland, take him to your backyard. He may have more opportunities there than you may have in here.
Also, *if* things didn't work out too well in Finland then you might face your own break down.

[Lycorish]

lol. It'd be a lot more difficult to have him move there than me move here, but besides that, he's got all his family here, and I have very few family in America. If that option was something we both wanted, we'd have looked into that already, but it's something we both do not want. America is nice depending where you are, but also difficult to live in, sometimes. As you know, our government doesn't take care of its citizens, haha.

Also, I think my question was a little misunderstood. I more so meant what processes would a couple go through after the foreign one comes to Finland

PS~ I wouldn't break down. I'm a tough cookie, and besides, if I ever wanted to go back, I'd go back.

[casuallyrad]

If you are married you should be set up with free health care, free language classes and a small immigration allowance if you are unemployed (think max 600€/month if you qualify). I am Canadian and have lived in Finland for a year and a half, been studying the language full time for a year and still I would say that I am not close to fluent. You can send me a private message if you want to ask me something else.

[Xochiquetzal]

The thing about selling artistic work is that you have to charge 22% VAT on top of what you want to get for the items - which makes them very expensive here. Very few foreigners get a job once they are here - expect to be unemployed.

And well, if he is having doubts and had a breakdown, clearly there is a LOT going on in his life that you do not know about. Be smart and don't become a burden on the social system here through recklessness. He's not ready and therefore neither are you.

[Aussieanja]

I've been living here for 2 years with my partner and we plan to marry this coming summer.

I agree with the previous post - expect to be unemployed. I am highly qualified in my field, with great references, and am not fussy (at one point you could say desperate)... but spent 18 months until I found my job. I did some casual work, but it did not pay enough to support myself, and I was very, very dependent on my partner (which was very uncomfortable, but that's the way it is). You may think that you will always find something, cleaning, stacking shelves, babysitting etc. but all of these are still difficult to find without Finnish language skills.

Secondly I think I heard somewhere that it takes 5 years for the average foreigner to speak Finnish competently. I assume this 'average' foreigner never speaks English and studies a lot... since I've been told my language skills are GREAT for only being here 2 years, and I still feel inadequate. Yes, most people speak English, but it is such a lazy option... and if you want to work, Finnish is handy.

It is hard to adjust, especially if you are used to living independently. The stronger, more independent and more go-getter you are, I suspect the bigger the break down will be (I had my moments). That having been said, it is a lovely country, with lovely people and well worth the stress and tears... but I would strongly advise you to start looking for some kind of work NOW, since it will take you between now and about a year after you finally arrive to find something. Alternatively there are some very strong art education programs at the unis etc. which might be worth considering, since the piece of paper and the experience you get from them will no doubt help you finding work.

Good luck...