Family legal advice in Finland

[Oombongo]

ah, the question came up when I was reading this thread.

[dusty42]

Hi Rinso, thank you again for your replies. May I ask,- what is your background that affords you knowledge in this area? Have you experience of a similar situation or a legal profession?

The standard solution is: once every two weeks and every other holiday. But it also depends on the situation of the parents. If they live far apart the frequency can be lower.

I have now spoken to a lawyer,- they advised that I would have a 'very good chance' of a ruling that would mean my son spending time with me every other weekend, alternate christmas and easter holidays and 2-4 weeks each summer. Obviously I would need to be living in finland.

Having sole custody it is her right to do so.

I appreciate this, however having custody should be about being responsible for the child and doing what is best for that child regardless of personal inconvenience. As our son is only 15 months old, I struggle to see how this in any way represents his best interest. In all honesty I am surprised at the situation in finland, a lot of other european countries have in recent years started placing far more importance upon the father's role in a child's life. In a lot of ways finland seems to me a forward thinking country(I've speant a fair bit of time here over the last 3 years), ahead of the curve, but in this area I would have to say perhaps lagging behind. Switzerland for example is really leading the way in fathers rights, and the right of a child to know their father.

If the mother is not willing to let you be part of his life, you'll become at best a remote "uncle".
She will find a new relation and her new friend will become your sons "daddy".
He will not be able to communicate with you until he gets to the secondary school and learns more English. By that time his world and his relations are already set in stone.

This is what it comes down to. My ex wishing to cut me off from our son, because that is what suits HER interests now. Not our son's, which should be her main concern. And not because I have done anything to warrant it. I accept that someone else will likely end up a father figure to my son, probably regardless of whether I see him monthly or not. But I want to be there if my son does need me and so that I can be sure he is being treated right. If I learn more swedish I think we will learn to comunicate. I've spent a lot of time around my ex's young niece and nephew, despite the language barrier we were able to get along and comunicate to a reasonable degree. Due to them I know 'play' and 'come' etc. The point is I guess, if my ex want's to make everything very difficult and unpleasant - she can and so far has been.

Again; sole custody.

Yes, but contrary to what was agreed. I'm aware that I sound like a broken record, I need to accept that nothing that was not written down counts for anything is people don't keep their word.

[rinso]

I have now spoken to a lawyer,- they advised that I would have a 'very good chance' of a ruling

Important thing is that there has to be new circumstances to review the contract. You moving to Finland might indeed be an argument.
But you have to consider the reality; what are your chances to find a job quickly and build up a new life?

In all honesty I am surprised at the situation in finland, a lot of other european countries have in recent years started placing far more importance upon the father's role in a child's life.

Joint custody is the normal solution here. Just to guarantee the rights and responsibilities of both parents. Unless one of the parents has mental problems or is otherwise considered a risk for the child, it is hardly possible to get sole custody against the will of the other parent. But nothing prevents both parents to agree on sole custody. And it doesn't matter if sole custody was forced as a safety measure or as a joint agreement, you are effectively cut of from any decision.
Although since you were not married she automatically got sole custody unless you were registered as the father. (paying child support doesn't mean you're the official father)

however having custody should be about being responsible for the child and doing what is best for that child regardless of personal inconvenience.

Indeed, but you can argue about the importance of frequent contact with the father. Single parent situations without further contact are not uncommon. And indeed children can suffer from it. But forbidding sole custody for that reason might not be the best option.

There is an other topic running at the moment (viewtopic.php?f=19&t=69534) where the mother tries to do the right thing and opt for a 50:50 solution. But that leads inevitably to nasty financial discussions.