Child custody after Separation

[bestD]

Hi All,

I need some advice, all input will be appreciated
So i was in a relationship with a Finnish guy and we had a baby.. towards my delivery i moved in with him but had to move out when our baby was barely 6 months because this guy was becoming abusive more than bearable. Previously he had even assaulted me when i was pregnant because we had an argument, which i forgave him a few weeks later because honestly i was so scared to have a baby on my own and also i didn't want the baby to be without his Dad, and well, the guy had apologized and promised never to do that again.
When baby came, he was at first helpful but soon everything was going down, he started drinking every single free time he got save for maybe one weekend, if i say something he became verbally abusive and at one point physically pulling my hair and threatening to hit me. He was very unhelpful and i had to take care of baby all by myself, i cant even get one hour break, even i had to go shower with baby while he sits and plays on his computer. He is either playing or out drinking, it was like we are not there, and i was getting so tired and stressed.We had an arrangement he takes care of the rent while i paid the other bills and buy food. After birth i had jumped from size 34 to a 38 and soon was summer i couldn't hide behind huge jackets anymore so i needed a few tops to tide me over summer, consequently i spend 130€ on some clothes and shoes. When he learnt this he was really mad, i tried to explain but he wont understand. I was to learn later on he had spent all his cash and we were two months behind rent, so he was really mad i bought clothes and we don't have rent, now how was i to know he had lied that he had paid the rent?
Anywho, he became so arrogant, started to kick me out, saying i should find cash fro rent before he comes home or else he don't want to find us home. Then one evening he became so violent i had to run outside with the baby and called his parents who came to help, i was supposed to go to turvakoti the following day but luckily i got an apartment and moved out within the next two weeks. After this we went to social office and agreed he can come anytime to see our baby but he continued to harass me in my home, he comes drunk and if i ask he breaks my stuff and threaten to embarrass me in front of my neighborhood. Now am very scared baby will pick these bad habits from him, and i have now decided to apply for sole custody but he can see baby somewhere whenever he want as long as i am there and also his parents can see baby whenever they want... basically they all can see the baby but i have to pick him afterwards. I should mention that we never got married, thank God!

Please advice me do i have a chance on this and where can i seek legal advice.
Thanks

[ajdias]

Sorry to hear about your problems. Read these two links carefully. Basically, if you are bellow a certain income threshold you'll be granted legal aid. You can get a lawyer from the legal aid office or hire a private one that can help you. You should also seek the help from your city social services ASAP.

http://www.oikeus.fi/8852.htm
http://www.asianajajaliitto.fi/english

[rinso]

I should mention that we never got married, thank God!

That will make things a lot easier.
Although he might be the biological father, it doesn't mean he is the legal father.
When you're not married to him at the time of the birth, he is not the father unless he recognizes the child and is registered as such.
If there is no paperwork, he has no rights. (off course he can demand to be recognized but that also makes him liable for child care payments)

Based on your description of his behavior I would go for no or only supervised visiting rights. Don't try to involve him to much. If he is violent it will leave a negative mark.
But I think with his gaming and drinking he will loose interest in the child rather sooner then later.

[Rip]

If there is no paperwork, he has no rights. (off course he can demand to be recognized but that also makes him liable for child care payments)

Seriously doubt that would be the case. She is a foreigner, he is Finnish. Only way the child would be recognized as a Finnish citizen (also giving her a link to a clear residence permit irrespective of the relationship of the two adults) is by father. They must have taken care of that paperwork already.

Otherwise, yes she should get professional help, even though the legal the position of mother against violent father with alcohol problem (these turvakoti I'm sure can produce some documentary evidence as well) should be quite strong.

[bestD]

Thanks guys for replying

We had already established pertinacity of the baby after which he became a Finnish citizen and since its possible to have dual citizenship here and my country i applied for his citizenship there too so now he has a dual citizenship.
I didn't go to the turvakoti because i got my home almost immediately so his parents talked to him and he calmed down and let us stay for the two weeks then moved out.

Today we talked and he agreed to give me full custody if i let him loose from having to pay child support, which i agreed to because i know him paying child support will be more problems for us, but then he called later on, apparently its not possible to be let loose from child support, so he changed his mind and he will not let me have full custody. He said if we go to the court am gonna lose horribly because i am not a Finnish citizen and because there is no big reason, according to him, all the harassment doesn't count!

Am now off to read those links thanks a lot! I will be grateful for any further information.

[bestD]

sorry, i meant paternity*

[Rip]

He said if we go to the court am gonna lose horribly because i am not a Finnish citizen and because there is no big reason, according to him, all the harassment doesn't count!

BS I'd say, but get that professional help - and while I am definitely not lawyer I venture to guess when you see one he'll tell that it is better for you more you have evidence of his past behaviour (so it is not purely he said, she said kind of thing), so start thinking what you could have available.

[Upphew]

He said if we go to the court am gonna lose horribly because i am not a Finnish citizen and because there is no big reason, according to him, all the harassment doesn't count!

BS I'd say, but get that professional help - and while I am definitely not lawyer I venture to guess when you see one he'll tell that it is better for you more you have evidence of his past behaviour (so it is not purely he said, she said kind of thing), so start thinking what you could have available.

Indeed. 112 is your friend.

Something to consider: http://www.om.fi/en/Etusivu/Julkaisut/E ... miskieltoa

[rinso]

He said if we go to the court am gonna lose horribly because i am not a Finnish citizen and because there is no big reason, according to him, all the harassment doesn't count!

Don't confuse sole custody with visiting rights.
It is indeed difficult to deny a parent custody against his/her will. (to be involved in the big decisions about the child's life, religion, important medical decisions and so on)
His violent behavior has more impact on his visiting rights. Like I said, only supervised visits, time limitations, cancellation if he is drunk.
Legal advice can help you to get the best solution.
Often it is a matter of negotiation. Demand a high child support and then let him of the hook with the minimum amount if he agrees to sole custody.
(if he spent his money on booze he will soon not be able to pay and you will get the minimum from the city)

And you not being a Finnish citizen has no influence on your rights whatsoever.