Difficult cultural/social things to understand or deal with

[atas]

He probably refers to the class element...

And yes, even Sting was an immigrant in New York.

[Upphew]

You arent part of this because you arent "actual foreigner" as said by finnish minister-

It was Helsingin Sanomat.

[Nicky24]

1) Why can (many) Finns be very friendly & talkative to you one day/occasion & the next day they seem "not to know" you anymore. (E.g. my colleage is very nice&interested on one day, the following days he neither says "Hello" nor "Bye" when coming to work and totally ignores me.)

Hahaha....this is very true fact. I dated a girlfriend online. She lives in Helsinki. She promised she loved me and she will come spend weekend with me. She even asked me to stay with her at her home. Well I agreed. After a week, she never phoned me. I did but no reply. She then messaged me and said she has been busy and working 16hrs/day. The usually word is "I am busy". Then I tried phoning but she never replied. I kept trying phoning for 3 weeks...till some day she sent me a message and said "please do not call this number anymore, I am in a love relationship now with someone". Well, it is just a mad culture here I think. Typical Fins really do not care what they do or say. There is a very high extreme "individuality index" such that it is "everyone for her self".....Finns will never think of how the other person may feel or get hurt whatever. It is really sad and sucks talking about this culture!!!!

2) One the one hand most Finns are very patriotic& promote their country's advantages (especially to foreigners). On the other hand they complain a lot how expensive it is, how bad the weather is etc.

hahaha.....this is another crazy one to say!!! You can agree that the climate is really harsh, freezing with some 7 months winter and ONLY 2 months summer. I guess....this is natural to complain! I do complain as well. But yeah its good to be patriotic to.

3) They celebrate Christmas& say it's so important to them, but quite many Finns tell me how awful it is to visit their relatives, they don't enjoy it at all& just wanna get it over with.
(My hubby doesn't even travel to the North to see his family this Christmas. It kind of breaks my heart, I've almost lost my daddy twice& family is sooo important to me)

Yes, the notion of the "family" is just a talking thing but does not exist in Finland. The ties are weak and Fins do not like being controlled by their parents everytime. They just wanna be independent and live their own lifes. This is good anyway...but then it is always good to pay visits to dad, mum or granni....I mean showing some love and respect! I wish this could be really?


5) Why is it so uncool to show positive feelings: they often show depression or anger (so much cursing)? (When I say I love my family they look at me as if I'm an alien.)

Yeah very right. This can be explained with the history of the country and also the climate. Get to understand that the history since the 16thc has been a nation ruled under the Sweddish and later the Russians around the 18th century and again during the 19th c, the Germans and the war time. They have since then after the Paris Peace treaty in 1040s been struggling for some freedom and self dependence....i mean independent life style!!! How about the dark climate? Live in Lapland and you will get it! Just 2-3hrs day light and the rest is dark and so cold...-34c. It brings depression many times!!!

6) I don't understand the seriousness even on happy occasions, do you?
(E.g. we had some wedding guests from my hubbies home village in Kainuu who belong to Helluntai seurakunta: they looked like they've come to a funeral, looked at my German parents& friends as if they are dirt & when we started dancing& drinking (nobody was even drunk), they immediately left (they're absolutists not even other people are allowed to have fun).

Hahaha.....this is all about the History and climatic conditions of the country. It is something genetically explained. I remember working as a cleaner at a hotel, when I got into a lift, there was a Finnish girl. And as soon the lift got to the 3rd floor, she quickly ran out of the lift. I wonder why she so scared of me? Well, I invited some for my birth day party to, and they behaved as if they were coming for a job interview or some exam. Everyone just moving like robots? Damn.....being to absolutist or keeping to time could be so boring sometimes....

7) As a German, I always try to be polite, but it disappoints me that not many people appreciate it here (like it's unneccessary). When they bump into you, they just ignore you& walk away, sometimes feels like they do it on purpose. How do you cope with this impoliteness?

Well, it has got me too angry and I tried hard to cope with it. I really avoid such situations as much as possible. I ignore, I walk away, and i try not to get interest in any argument with a Fin. I had a girlfriend, and she broke up with me without even telling me why. I did everything good, being a gentleman, calm, loving, and truthful, and kind. Some day, she never answered my phone calls for a week. I was worried...and it went for 2 weeks. She then messaged me later not to phone her anymore...that she got a new boyfriend....it hurt me, i felt like exploited, dumped like trash. Yeah, it hurts me always living amongst impolite people. But well, now I am over it and I live on with it. I just do not care and it does not hurt me anymore after a year now


11) I read somewhere it's considered impolite in Finland to interrupt others while speaking... However I know several people who do it. They talk about themselves blabla... when you try to comment on it our share your own experience, they just interrupt you, ignore you and run away. how do you react then.

I see this everyday in school, in class, when a teacher is talking, the Finns just interrupt, same with me.....i do a presentation and am interrupted. Well, I have got to understand the culture is more of freedom of speach...anyone can talk as he/she wants. So I guess you just have to tell the Finn "to hold on a while so you can finish talking before she interrupts". I am fond of talking more and more if anyone interrupts me. I get my voice louder and the Finn will stay quiet! Perhaps try this?

[Porky84]

Hi Nicky24,
hope you had a wonderful Christmas I was in Germany with my family, so much fun and a good break. I noticed how tiring it sometimes gets to think and talk in another language veryday, all the time. In Germany it was nice not to have to think and translate what you want to say, just to talk (of course I think before talking).
Cool that you agree with me on a few matters. I am very sorry to read that you got hurt. Head up and I am sure you will find a nice lady someday. Cultural differences can be difficult, but also enriching.
True, I have also noticed that many Finns feel controlled by their parents (they may not so it directly but the way they talk about them shows it). Therefore, I find it understandable. Much nicer when you have parents who are just there for you when you need them, give you advice when you ask but let you live freely and accept when you make your own decisions.
I also agree that the weather has a big influence. In the summer, Finns seem generally happier.
It was funny when I came back from Germany yesterday, my husband was a bit shy... He likes to be alone, but on the other hand he said it depresses him. He also gets lethargic without me, I spice up his life with my zest for life, new ideas and cheerful attitude.

Thanks for you tipps on how to cope with impolite situations. Good advice.

Have a happy new year! may all your dreams come true.
All the best,
Porky

[Karhunkoski]

There is a very high extreme "individuality index"

That's quite a good way of putting it. Maybe a proportion of the population simply suffers from (an as yet undiscovered) disorder, possibly similar to a very mild form of Apsergers. Not only would it explain the bizarre approach to social skills, but those top-table PISA would become clear too

(/intended in a non-serious, non-offensive way. It's a theory, until proven either way.)