No one deserves this- can anyone suggest what to do?

[Jetsun]

I am completely broke right now (had cut in working hours and also had some unexpected bills, think e-passport - have to be able to travel Europe for family reason and a college coure with exam to get more work) and as I don't have enough fulltime work hours for KELA help I am surviving on 'Church vouchers' and the food handout. Its bad enough but at the food handout last week a lady started talking to me (would say Finn but perfect english,myself I am from C Europe ) and she told me all her life story and how bad life was:

She told me that she has been on a pension for depression for 25 years, she is late 40's now. she said she was very lonely and living in a tiny flat alone . ( I live in a large garden family apartment which I cannot afford much longer and with a guy who is 18 years younger and the grand-nephew of his country's famous former leader ) I offered her to share my apartment and be her friend but she said she preferred to be alone and do her hobbies , she gets free swimming eg and goes to eat out almost daily.

I have a learning disability which makes me appear childlike and vulnerable, I don't understand many things, I also struggle to understand norms of dressing eg and I find it very hard to relate to people my own age, they often seem to patronise me. I also have no money right now for hairdresser so I have to wear my hair in thick long tresses which is unusual for a 46-year old (and uncomfortable as well) ans my clothes come from Kierrätyskeskus free taking section so not much choice in clothes) I spent my last money on my share of the rent as I am afraid to live in shared housing as I am quite difficult to live with due to the way I am.

the lady started abusing me,saying my hair was disgusting and that I was cheap trash , she said she used to work as a school secretary but now cannot help being depressed, I told her in a friendly way to try and change her life rather than moan and that other people are worse off (I have lung problems for example), it was quite annoying to listen to . Back home I was very upset ...its so damn hard not to be able to have friends my own age.

Now today the lady was standing in the queue as I arrived, I asked her to please apologise to me as I had done nothing to her and she answered I was trash and shouldn't even breathe air and then she started punching my chest so hard that I was gasping for air and lost my footing. I am not small but have very poor muscle tone. I was worried I would fall and she would go for my face. No one did anything to help me. the person next to her also strted throwing punches towards me. The steward just walked past says he cannot do anything. I went to the bottom end of queue shaking and in tears. There was a Bengali guy who asked if I was ok.

I sadly have to use this place for food until I get more work , but now I am very afraid to go for anything as people seem to just want to use me as a punchbag. I would love to be able to change my hairstyle to more conventional and buy some clothes suitable for my age and size so I am less of a target and have friends to chat to , especially female friends my own age. Its mainly a money issue. Also I would love to have friends to go swimmming with , have not been for years. It would make me feel normal.

I have spoken to my Deaconry worker who hopefully can shed some light ón this...No one deserves to be verbally abused and punched in the street because someone else does not like their hairstyle but if anyone knows of somewhere to get and maintain a free hairstyle let me know. Now I am almost afraid to go out of the house...

[betelgeuse]

I am completely broke right now (had cut in working hours and also had some unexpected bills, think e-passport - have to be able to travel Europe for family reason and a college coure with exam to get more work) and as I don't have enough fulltime work hours for KELA help I am surviving on 'Church vouchers' and the food handout.

Since you imply that you are covered under Finnish social security, have you talked with your local municipality social workers about income support? For example for Espoo:

http://www.espoo.fi/en-US/Social_and_he ... me_Support

[Jetsun]

thank you, Deaconry suggested similar but I would try to avoid that route as I worry:

1. they will notice that I am 'different' and class me as 'vulnerable'.

2. they cannot pay for me to live in a family garden property and with no income it will be damn hard for me to find a small room or house share to move into.

I work but only 10-14 hrs a month at the moment.

[betelgeuse]

thank you, Deaconry suggested similar but I would try to avoid that route as I worry:

1. they will notice that I am 'different' and class me as 'vulnerable'.

I bet social workers see all kinds of 'different' people all the time.

2. they cannot pay for me to live in a family garden property and with no income it will be damn hard for me to find a small room or house share to move into.

I don't know what exactly you mean with family garden property. If you mean financially, then yes there are limits to how much housing support can be given. For people on income support the municipality can provide rental guarantees:

http://www.espoo.fi/download/noname/{2A ... 184}/36267

This is Finland. No-one who seeks help has to be homeless here...

[misu]

1. they will notice that I am 'different' and class me as 'vulnerable'.

Well, you do seem different and vulnerable. I'm not sure why that's a bad thing?

[Jetsun]

I hate being a 'vulnerable' person. I have missed out on so much in life, I don't want to be different and I love to look in a way that I don't stick out so much and keep getting attacked. To the person saying try getting social security you mean that the extra cash would make it possible for me to change my hair and clothes . It is actually that I am aware of how 'different' I look and I am actually staying away from possible job opportunities or social gatherings just for that reason.

I have got a lovely ground floor apartment with balcony and doors to garden, family size. I got it on a buy/sell site from a German student who wanted to move into a house with a group of friends and needed somone to take over the lease, the inside of the apartment is still original 1950 and paint peeling eg so not too expensive for its size , owners live in Jyvaskylä and only get in touch via mail/phone, rent goes into bank and they don't ask questions. I have it for a few years as at that time I was still young enough to meet someone and have a family so I took it as it was such a bargain. Also I have one blood relative left, they have med issues and live in their country of birth, hoped they can visit for holiday but their health means longer stay away not too good (this is the reason I need the damn passport up to date as I am the person to give consent re surgery eg if needed, the relative is below age of consent). Then I met my partner and as he needed a place (he was in some holiday let abroad and rent cheap, the owner had to return earlier than expected) and he moved in and pays half the rent.

Someone in an advice place has said to me it would be the best for me to share with an older maybe housebound person and I can do the shopping and provide company and live for free. I find it very difficult to make friends my own age group as I seem to have the brain of a teenager. I used to have a client in the business I had, I wrote on her about it, she often got very sharp with me as she thought that I need it. Like I often say that I still want to meet a guy and be happy ,she grabbed me and screaemd into my face ' Your time is over, Mother Nature has decided, you will end up alone and die lonely! I also have good chance of developing COPD within the next 2 years and I don't understand that my health is failing, that is what is wrong with me!

I would love to live with a single flatmate, preferably female, single and 50+ for company and support. She has to be strong and not be afraid of shouting at me if I do stupid things, make sure I make myself useful and that I am not lazy. This young foreign guy never complains about me sleeping in too long or anything. Does anyone know of any 'free room for shopping and company' schemes and how to meet the right person?

[Jetsun]

thank you for your help! actually I am not studying any more right now, the course I took was the Food Hygiene with Luckan (have previous exp in school/hospital kitchen work) and it was only 2 days. I passed the exam so no more studies.

Also I am Not looking for a partner, I have one but he is younger and will want kids and will leave or bring in another younger girlfriend in the house (I don't think I will be one of the 50 women aged 46 worldwide who can still have kids according to paper, especially with my pastry and milky coffee laden diet, but I am being deaconry-fed so its that or zip). I am looking for a female flatmate/friend who will be company and who might need help herself so I can actually be of use for the life I still have left. Someone to go swimming with or have a chat or watch a dvd with. A home that is simple and kept tidy.

about 'labelling' I have had labels from the country I spent most of my life in (Aspergirl, narcissistic disorder, the latter is now proven to be fictional) and there the system is that people with these labels if they have kids get put into a hostel for assessments and after 6 months they decide if you can stay with your partner/child or not. I got the 'no' for reason that I seem 'bossy' and 'always put my needs first' I am much taller than my partner was that could give the impression. Then one cannot get work or decent housing either. I came to live in this country to prove them wrong and to maybe meet someone and have a family.I had some temporary not very secure jobs such as assisting disabled eg. My house has been the first proper home for a long time for me this is why I have gone to lengths to keep it. Now this is not possible anymore.

I have tried to date guys my age and background, there was one who was an ex con and alkie which was not what I wanted anyway but a start and he let me stand in the street after saying 'you still dress like a silly young girl, you have no self respect!' I have missed out on graduating, having a proper job and home (mostly lived as a lodger in single rooms), having friends and these friends having families, now I am too old for this all and in poor health, I have not lived yet. I had these few months with my partner and child and now its all gone, this partner still lives in his city and is looking for a new girlfriend to have a new family with, like I never existed. He says I should 'stick to these young illegals, I am their exact type' (old with young clothes and long hair and lonely he means)

I am not trying to 'reinvent myself' I only want to be able to fit in more. Not many women my age have long hair also it needs washing twice daily and its a chore. I have a chronic cough and if its less than 15 c outside which it mostly is I have to get up super -early like 5 am and wash my hair and wait for it to dry before leaving the house if I have to go somewhere as I also have hair loss from all that washing and drying already. If I could have short hair then all this work would be no more, and I could try for new job without worry about having to keep my hair acceptable. And then you get people like that lady who think I have long hair to attract young men in the food queue!

If they label me as 'different ' I will have to go into supported housing with support workers coming in and showing me how to peel vegetables and how to do personal hygiene. I don't want this. I would like friends my age and be one of them . Live in a small place with few luxuries and be able to care for others and make them happy. Not live in a large clutter filled home. I am actually a quiet, shy , caring type person and not at all interested in looking good and at my age meeting men, especially younger men is the last thing on my list.

Maybe a live in help , not for pay but for a room for a housebound lady, that would be the thing I am looking for.

[Jetsun]

and to get Jobseeker money you need to have worked for more than 18 hrs a week for 28+ weeks in the last 2 years , I only have 26 weeks so get zero.

[betelgeuse]

and to get Jobseeker money you need to have worked for more than 18 hrs a week for 28+ weeks in the last 2 years , I only have 26 weeks so get zero.

There are multiple types of jobseeker money:

• Labour Market Subsidy
• basic unemployment allowance
• earnings-related unemployment allowance

Labour Market Subsidy does not have any working requirement in the near past:

http://www.kela.fi/web/en/labour-market-subsidy

[betelgeuse]

I think it's apt to quote the Finnish constitution to this thread:

http://www.finlex.fi/fi/laki/kaannokset ... 990731.pdf

Section 19 - The right to social security

Those who cannot obtain the means necessary for a life of dignity have the right to receive indispensable subsistence and care.

Everyone shall be guaranteed by an Act the right to basic subsistence in the event of unemployment, illness, and disability and during old age as well as at the birth of a child or the loss of a provider.

The public authorities shall guarantee for everyone, as provided in more detail by an Act, adequate social, health and medical services and promote the health of the population. Moreover, the public authorities shall support families and others responsible for providing for children so that they have the ability to ensure the wellbeing and personal development of the children.

The public authorities shall promote the right of everyone to housing and the opportunity to arrange their own housing.

[Jetsun]

You have been misinformed. My daughter was diagnosed Asperger's. She has now been reclassified as "executive function disorder", she is an adult, and is not required to live in any kind of special housing. She is not an EU citizen. This is not a police state where they lock up every person who is less than "normal".

I was talking about what happened in the country of XXX where I used to live. Also your daughter lives with you maybe. I am sorry to hear about what happened.
I do not think personally these labels I was given are right, this is why I came here to show different. I did some assessments back home but I would have to do a legal battle and I don't have the cash and no one to help me.

I come over as 'Aspergirl' as I always dress youthful and I am not too hot on grooming. I was brought up in a very violent home and had to leave at 16 with no education and terrified, I never had much money to myself and used to going hungry so I do still see beauty care as 'wasteful' and 'extravagant'. I also never had close female friends so no one can give me hints and tips on how to dress and groom. I had never problem getting on with people my age until I was about 30 now everyone who even talks to me is under 25. This was the bigget problem I had in that other country. the experts who saw me descibed me as 'too youthful, wilful, negligent and no insight'. I think that maybe living with a single female in a tidy kept, quiet house with strict rules would finally help me grow up.

I am not at all bookish or geeky and I cannot stand solitude I actually get physically ill if I am alone for longer. I don't mind crowded places or strangers or new situations, its keeping friendships and jobs I cannot do. I think a job in a company with a lot of workers and a busy environment where you are a 'number' would be ok. I really struggled working for Virginia/sisufin, the older deaf lady I menitioned on here, she wanted to know everything about me. criticised me and tried to run my life and she was also struggling with ageing and failing health.

I will go to KELA on Monday and ask to claim for the non earnings related allowances, did not know that you could get them

[Jetsun]

some great news, have been back to KELA and they told me that I have actually been approved for the non means tested labour allowance for the days I am not at work and I will get the back payment this week. I am so relieved. Now I will be able to pay my rent and have credit on the phone! I have to work out how much I need for the next couple months' bills (as I don't know for how many months that payment is) and if I have anything left over I can get some cheap 2nd hand clothes more suitable for my age and get my hair cut in a college that does hairdressing if they are still seeing customers this time of year.

I have explained to them that I am trying to move to a cheaper place cannot find any (the cheap rooms on this forum are either student housing or holiday lets for a few months only) I actually feel guilty taking up a family apartment when there are young couples with children crammed into shoe boxes. I am trying to find more work now I can pay my rent for the next couple menths I can accept agency work with fluctuating hours.

I have also experienced everywhere that people my age seem to patronize me. I don't have a washing machine in the apartment as our estate has a system where you pay a few euro a month and a small deposit for a key to a basement laundry with drier on use as much as you want with prior booking, works out better value. I did some laundry on Saturday, my booking was the last ,i put some towels in drier pick them up after I hour and a lady my age, has not booked is in there using the press, I ask her if she needs the drier, she says no I open the drier door and she jumps up and grabs my hand and leads it to the drier vent and tells me to brush out the vent (which is the serviceguy's job done 2 times a week), she treated me like a naughty child, I was so angry. My boyfriend said I should complain to the estate office no one has the right to do that.

I would love so much to be able to socialise with people my age and do the things adults my age do.

[Jetsun]

thank you for your help! For anyone who needs to know the money one can earn without it affecting the Labour Market Supply, the monthly limit is 300 euro before tax, but for people who get help with housing , like my neighbour who works on a 'relief' contract and his wages fluctuate, the higher income is counted as income and will result in less help with the rent.

[jamerci]

Jetsun, I feel your pain all too well. My husband is disabled with a diagnosis of Asperger's. He has really never worked. We live in a lovely apartment, and do receive assistance from KELA for our rent. I am not working, due partly to language/age/and lack of jobs in this area. In reality, I have a more than full time job taking care of him!

We don't live in Helsinki or any of the larger cities. Out here in Säkylä, they have been so very kind to my husband. We get assistance with our utility bill, his medication, and our rent. They treat him with kindness and dignity and have never ever made him feel uncomfortable or different. Your Deaconry may well know your local sosialitoimisto. If yours is half as good as ours, they will help you with getting your hair cut, and with so many little things to help you live a decent life. It's very different here than in other parts of the world. Housing assistance (at least here in Satakunta) is based on size and on the amount of rent you pay. KELA pays about half of our rent, and we have a nice 77 square meters.

They won't put any kind of nasty label on you, or make you feel bad. Instead, they will gently do what they can to help you. Ours takes care of us with a smile. This is not a harsh society, though at times the stoic attitude may make you think it is. Just know that if you ask for help, you will receive it with grace and dignity.

[jamerci]

Jetsun, I wanted you to know that I talked to my husband about your plight, and he says you need to go see your social worker right away. They *will* help you keep your place to live. That's their job. They will also help you with that hair cut and maybe even some clothes. The help is there if you ask, and we both think you may even have more resources in your area than we do in ours. Your well-being is important and *this* society recognizes that.

One other thing to think about is some of the Language clubs, where those of us struggling to learn Finnish can meet in a social situation and chat. Your social worker may well have some good leads on places like that. Your Deaconry may also have some. There was an article lately about the isolation of the poor and elderly, and that the social workers are very aware of the needs for people like you (and my husband) to get out and be with others. It's there. You just have to ask for the help.