I am in the final divorce process and there are kids involved. Their mom is an alcoholic and that was the basic reason I filed for divorce bcos anytime I left for work in the evening she left the kids at home alone and went to the bar. The kids will be 3 an 2 in july. I later found out when I left work early one day and to my surprise when I got home she wasn't there and the kids and the dog were the only ones at home. Right now she has support from the social workers we are working with. They have been advicing her to get the divorce bcos they will help her get the kids. Am now seeking for full child custody since I can trust her taking care of the kids. The kids and I moved away from her in december when she made it clear to me that she won't stop going to the bar anytime she want. I booked her for rehabilitation and over there too she failed all he test which proves she is dependent on alcohol. So the question is what are my chances of getting full child custody as the father and also being foreign. Right from the start the social workers have been trying to put dirt on me but they can't find any. They first started with my dog that it was aggressive and they even called cops to check that but the cops saw nothing like that then later they started saying I work too much and stuff. I have been taking care of the kids for the past six months also.
Any advice will be helpful. Thanks
child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Re: child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Build up a file with proven facts about her inability to take good care of the kids. Register all incidents where she puts the kids in danger and make sure you can prove it.
Normally if she is in an addiction rehabilitation it is easy to get full custody. But the attitude of social services is strange, so there is probably going on something else.
I advice you to get a lawyer. If social services is on her site you're at a disadvantage and you need a professional to straiten things out.
Normally if she is in an addiction rehabilitation it is easy to get full custody. But the attitude of social services is strange, so there is probably going on something else.
I advice you to get a lawyer. If social services is on her site you're at a disadvantage and you need a professional to straiten things out.
Re: child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Thanks rinso for the reply. When I was filling for the divorce she agreed that the two of us should come on a common agreement with the custody bcos she did not want legal aid to come in it. When the time came for us to decide on that the social workers told her not to go on any agreement with me alone or sign any papers I will bring to her. The only official proven fact I have is the one at her rehabilitation centre and I know I can't get a copy to myself even if I request it. Right now am looking for a lawyer but I have no idea who to choose and how trust worthy the person might be in situation like this which involves a native and a foreigner.
Re: child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Thanks for the reply tummansininen. I understand your understanding about social workers but I think here in hämeenlinna is of a different issue with the social workers than in helsinki. When the kids and I separated from their mother it wasn't my wish to do that but to first get the kids to safety. During this 6months waiting period I have actually done my best to bring us back together but you can feel feminism,racism and bias in the air. Our friends boths finnish and foreign even testify for that. Before I thought they were just being dick heads till I heard some comments they made when they visited the kids daycare centre. Before I wasn't even interested in this full custody issue but right now i have to cos where the situation is heading if i continue acting nice I might even loose the kids at some point. Right now they don't even talk about the kids anymore, all they are doing is supporting her in the child custody battle.They have even gone to the extent of cooperating with her family who also basically have problem with me bcos I disagreed with them when they were demanding that the first kid takes their family name and not mine bcos i will run away with her and they can't do anything about that. Is a pretty long story or should I say drama.
As you were saying, I have giving it a thought for sometime now to move to helsinki cos life in hämeenlinna for foreigners lacks all those things you were saying. There is basically no fun place to take the kids during my free day over here. I will update you on how everything will go on later
As you were saying, I have giving it a thought for sometime now to move to helsinki cos life in hämeenlinna for foreigners lacks all those things you were saying. There is basically no fun place to take the kids during my free day over here. I will update you on how everything will go on later
Re: child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.you can feel feminism,racism and bias in the air. Our friends boths finnish and foreign even testify for that.
If social services is strongly biased as you suggest, you cannot win on your own.
http://www.asianajajat.fi/en
Re: child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Ive got a feeling you will loose the case anyway.asantekro wrote:Thanks for the reply tummansininen. I understand your understanding about social workers but I think here in hämeenlinna is of a different issue with the social workers than in helsinki. When the kids and I separated from their mother it wasn't my wish to do that but to first get the kids to safety. During this 6months waiting period I have actually done my best to bring us back together but you can feel feminism,racism and bias in the air. Our friends boths finnish and foreign even testify for that. Before I thought they were just being dick heads till I heard some comments they made when they visited the kids daycare centre. Before I wasn't even interested in this full custody issue but right now i have to cos where the situation is heading if i continue acting nice I might even loose the kids at some point. Right now they don't even talk about the kids anymore, all they are doing is supporting her in the child custody battle.They have even gone to the extent of cooperating with her family who also basically have problem with me bcos I disagreed with them when they were demanding that the first kid takes their family name and not mine bcos i will run away with her and they can't do anything about that. Is a pretty long story or should I say drama.
As you were saying, I have giving it a thought for sometime now to move to helsinki cos life in hämeenlinna for foreigners lacks all those things you were saying. There is basically no fun place to take the kids during my free day over here. I will update you on how everything will go on later
You dont need full custody if your going to remain,work and bring up your children in Finland.Its a disadvantage to the mother which impacts her future.
Re: child custody battle against alcoholic finnish mother
Yes, don't confuse (sole) custody with who takes care of the child or how visits are arranged. Custody is about who makes the important decisions.
The children can live with you (care giver) and you still can have shared custody with your ex.
And as Anna wrote supervised visits is a way to go.
But it still is sensible to go for sole custody. You don't want to be dependent on her moods if she is an addict.
The children can live with you (care giver) and you still can have shared custody with your ex.
And as Anna wrote supervised visits is a way to go.
But it still is sensible to go for sole custody. You don't want to be dependent on her moods if she is an addict.