At what point can I go to police about stalking/harassment?

dsi11 · Post by **dsi11** » Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:03 pm

I dated a Chinese girl living in Finland from the start of October to mid-November. I am a Canadian-Finn, male.

We had a nice time together but her text messages were strange and indicated psychological problems.

Then, after I did a business trip to Singapore (where I have some female friends, but have never dated them), she became insanely jealous. I honestly told her that I was alone for the whole trip (I didn't even tell my Sg friends I was going) but she berated me and I stopped all contact with her.
That's when she started to do the following:
- she sent messages to my female friends in Facebook, telling them not to contact me any more. She lied, told them that we were engaged and she was my fiancee(!). She told them I was a playboy with girlfriends around the world. (again, not true)
- threatened to send messages (about my supposed "cheating") to my family in Canada/USA if I did not pay her money (I had said I would like to reimburse her for something we bought, just to be fair, but it was never a formal agreement. Then I delayed it for 2 days when she started the harassment. I paid now, after her threat)
- repeated harassing phone calls, text messages, emails, FB messages, etc, to me (I have blocked her but she started sending from new numbers!)

Is this enough to go to the police, or does it need to be an actual physical threat?

She has no family in Finland but has "Friendship Families" who have hosted her for the last 6 years (from 19-25) and she is very close to them. I don't want to contact them, but fear I might if there is nothing else I can do. Like to ask them to talk some sense into her, or recommend she see a psychiatrist - but that might make the whole thing worse.

For now, I am doing my best to ignore her, but she keeps finding ways to avoid my blocks, and I fear she wants to continue smearing me to my friends and family.

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betelgeuse · Post by **betelgeuse** » Sun Nov 23, 2014 10:45 pm

FloydFin wrote:As far as I know, there is no anti-stalking law in Finland. You can however pursue Legal action if the behavior becomes of a criminal nature.

The law was changed this year to make stalking illegal:

http://www.iltasanomat.fi/kotimaa/art-1 ... 23496.html

dsi11 wrote: Is this enough to go to the police, or does it need to be an actual physical threat?

It does not need to be physical. You should go to the police and they will tell you if the situation warrants further action / investigation.

007 · Post by **007** » Sun Nov 23, 2014 10:49 pm

FloydFin wrote:As far as I know, there is no anti-stalking law in Finland. You can however pursue Legal action if the behavior becomes of a criminal nature.

Starting from this year, there is one.

http://www.finlex.fi/fi/uutiset/264

Vainoaminen rangaistavaksi

Uuden säännöksen mukaan vainoamiseen syyllistyy henkilö, joka toistuvasti uhkaa, seuraa, tarkkailee, ottaa yhteyttä tai muulla näihin rinnastettavalla tavalla vainoaa toista niin, että se on omiaan aiheuttamaan vainotussa pelkoa tai ahdistusta. Rikoksesta voidaan tuomita sakkoa tai enintään kaksi vuotta vankeutta. Vainoaminen on virallisen syytteen alainen rikos eli syyttäjä nostaa siitä syytteen, vaikka asianomistaja ei vaatisi rangaistusta.

In short in English, stalking is punishable by a fine or a maximum 2-year jail time. OP should contact the police.

dsi11 · Post by **dsi11** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 6:16 am

OP here, thank you, I will contact the police. This is another crazy message I woke up to today, like I said, I was alone my whole business trip:
--------------------------------

Good day _______, *:) happy

Got it (the money) transferred, good that you didn't make your ex disappointed this time

Never thought would need to motivate you this hard to get the things you promised.

I treat the people in the way how they treat me, I still don't understand why you did such things on me, seeing these chicks and got escorted, even someone you never meet to your location. Beast though huh?

Take it easy, you do not necessary first block your ex's fb accounts and then set your profile only visible to your friends etc. etc...it doesn't make sense or save anything, as I said, things were fully prepared and planned during your stay in Sg. No one would only rely on fb, as internet is not the only resources for acquaintances.

And your employer paying for your such "entertainment". Your such problem is also in Finland, last from past 2 years.I will get a busy week, so will be back to the issue a bit later on. Stay tuned and make sure that you can be reached, unless you like surprise. One way could save this is to admit everything and apology to me sincerely enough, but you always have the right to remain silent. You choose.

ps. Keep my stuff, I'll find a way to get em back.
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wolf80 · Post by **wolf80** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 4:53 pm

Sounds like a delusional girl, probably can't accept reality and lives in her own world. Her email also sounds threatening. I would go to the police TODAY! Bring everything you have on her, and all communication she sent you. Document everything exactly from now on in case you are not doing that already.

Also warn your friends and family, everybody she has the contact address, e-mail or else, of. Especially people from this area that she could approach personally. Also consider that she might turn up at your workplace, and take measures. You can't be sure, but assume that she might be violent and dangerous!!!

A friend of mine had a stalker who would not accept that he only wanted to be friends and not more. She would also constantly try to call him, write to him, she showed up at his mother's house and pretended that she was his girlfriend and he broke up with her, and wanted her to convince him to get back together with him.... etc. Was not violent, but a crazy psycho-bitch.

Good luck! Keep us updated!

dsi11 · Post by **dsi11** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:52 pm

Thanks!
Update for those interested or possibly in the same situation in the future:

I did go to the police today and filed a police report (rikosilmoitus). They took down her details (phone, email, Finnish soc sec number, etc) and presumably sent her the rikosilmoitus. The officer wrote down all the details I could remember and even kept a couple of the emails that I printed out as evidence.

The officer recommended that I also request a restraining order (lähestymiskielto), which I can file online, but warned that that process takes about one week and both parties (me and the girl) must be present in front of the arbiter(?) who will decide on what happens. I am not worried about that and am happy to go through with it just to get her out of my life forever.

Thank you all for your helpful advice!

sotka_ · Post by **sotka_** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:57 pm

wolf80 wrote:Sounds like a delusional girl, probably can't accept reality and lives in her own world. Her email also sounds threatening. I would go to the police TODAY! Bring everything you have on her, and all communication she sent you. Document everything exactly from now on in case you are not doing that already.

I'd also suggest that you do not contact her yourself nor respond to any of her messages.

There's no point in letting her drag you to some delusional arguments which you can only lose. Also there is no point in trying to reason with someone who is not reasonable.

cors187 · Post by **cors187** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:57 pm

At what point can I go to police about stalking/harassment?

I think its Finnish nature to call police at the slightest strange detail.You'll fit in.

wolf80 · Post by **wolf80** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:19 pm

cors187 wrote:I think its Finnish nature to call police at the slightest strange detail.You'll fit in.

How long you want him to wait? A hundred messages from her? When she showed up at his workplace? After she stabbed him with a knife??

Sorry, but this is obviously a very disturbed woman who has mental health issues and could be dangerous. It is better to act sooner than later!!

ajdias · Post by **ajdias** » Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:42 pm

sotka_ wrote: I'd also suggest that you do not contact her yourself nor respond to any of her messages.

This.
As tempting as it may be - she knows how to push your buttons, you should remind yourself that she is not after clearing things nor is this about argumentation. She'll probably go away when she figures that she can't really aggravate you and that everything that she does may be reported to the police.

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Tue Nov 25, 2014 6:33 am

he officer recommended that I also request a restraining order (lähestymiskielto)

Do that. The new law is new, so hove there is not much past cases to see how and when it is applied. Restraining orders have been around significantly longer.
Apart from that legally mandated arbiter (where you make it absolutely clear that you wish to have not contact with her what so ever), do not not reply to her in anyway.

Save every message you get. Get an application to record any incoming calls (In case you didn't know, recording YOUR incoming or outgoing calls is perfectly legal here and you do not need to notify the other party about this)

dsi11 · Post by **dsi11** » Tue Nov 25, 2014 11:06 am

Thanks again everybody.

The rikosilmoitus was made yesterday and I will go to get the restraining order today.

I think she should have received the rikosilmoitus already yesterday (they took her email and phone number) but she still (!) sent me another threatening message this morning. Unbelievable.

I will visit both the police and the käräoikeus today to get further info on what to do next.

By the way, yesterday when I visited the police, after only a brief explanation of the situation, the police offer said "tehdään rikosilmoitus heti, ehdottamasti" - so they are not hesitant to act in these regards! Then we went into great detail and the officer recorded everything I said into the report.

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