Being a friend with Finns !!

[admit]

If you are dreaming to be a good friend with Finnish people, then you should know few things in advance...

1. Normally, Finnish people don’t think people from other country or culture can be their good friend. They think, they are different than us and most of them are here, because of their need and they are taking advantages from our country. If you need any kind of help and ask them, they will be crazy to help you even if it is very little thing and you will get quick response for all kinds of necessary things. But, unless you are in a miserable condition, you have to stay alone. Asking for help is a good way of taking with Finns, but they will take it seriously and will think, you really need help. At the end, you will get frustrated thinking that he/she did not understand that, it was just an issue to talk…:)

2. Even, Finns are not so friendly among them like the people from other countries. They are friendly or good friend only with the people they know since their childhood or have been studying in same school. They prefer to live alone and lonely rather than making new friends and having fun with them. So, if you know a Finnish boy/ girl who is not friendly to you, don’t think he is treating you differently, he/she does the same with other Finns as well.

3. When you are a foreigner and look different, never hope that a Finnish will come first to talk with you or will try to be a friend with you. It’s you, who always have to go first and talk. You have to face lot of rejections/ embarrassing silence and sometimes you have to drag you down to continue a regular conversation.

4. If you ask same questions to 10 Finns, you are likely to get same answers from everyone. Most of them talk exactly what they have learnt in school and just quote from there. Don’t hope anything different. Ask different things to get different answers!

5. They will never invite you in their home or festival though you are working with them and know each other well for long time. If you want party, you have to invite them. Exceptions are not examples.

6. Don’t think that, if you stay in Finland for long time, gradually your friend circle will get larger. The chance is very little. I am 25 and have been living in Finland for more than 5.5 years and found only 2 /3 Finnish friends. I know many of my friends, who don't have any Finnish friend at all, though they have already spent 5 years of their life time here. So, if you want to be in a circle, better to maintain good relation with people who are from your country or any other country except Finland.

7. Don’t think that, this young Finnish people are different than the other one, most of the time all of them behave exactly same. Those who study at some university and speak 3 /4 different languages, even they will not come to you to talk first. I have noticed, middle aged Finnish people are the nicest one for foreigners! They always come first to talk. Will treat you as their nephew and will forgive your all kinds of mistakes and weaknesses of Finnish languages without much judgement (personal experience).

8. I won’t say Finnish people are racist, I have not faced any kind of racism since I am here. But, sometimes we don’t understand their way of behaving which may seem very rude.

9. I will say, Finnish people are not shy, “We are shy” is just an excuse to avoid talking with you.

10. Finnish people don’t talk about their personal achievement in life. If you talk more about that, it will be taken negatively and they will think, you are trying to show off. You achievements can be a great motivation for you to live, but keep it inside.

What I have written may not be same in all places and true for all, but I am talking from my own experiences. I am from south Asia. I have graduated from Finland. I lived in 3 different cities including Helsinki. Since summer 2010, I worked in 3 different places for 5 years. And now I am working in big company where I work with 60/80 Finnish people every day. I speak some Finnish.

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[Upphew]

If you are dreaming to be a good friend with Finnish people, then you should know few things in advance...

1. Normally, Finnish people don’t think people from other country or culture can be their good friend. They think, they are different than us and most of them are here, because of their need and they are taking advantages from our country. If you need any kind of help and ask them, they will be crazy to help you even if it is very little thing and you will get quick response for all kinds of necessary things. But, unless you are in a miserable condition, you have to stay alone. Asking for help is a good way of taking with Finns, but they will take it seriously and will think, you really need help. At the end, you will get frustrated thinking that he/she did not understand that, it was just an issue to talk…:)

2. Even, Finns are not so friendly among them like the people from other countries. They are friendly or good friend only with the people they know since their childhood or have been studying in same school. They prefer to live alone and lonely rather than making new friends and having fun with them. So, if you know a Finnish boy/ girl who is not friendly to you, don’t think he is treating you differently, he/she does the same with other Finns as well.

3. When you are a foreigner and look different, never hope that a Finnish will come first to talk with you or will try to be a friend with you. It’s you, who always have to go first and talk. You have to face lot of rejections/ embarrassing silence and sometimes you have to drag you down to continue a regular conversation.

4. If you ask same questions to 10 Finns, you are likely to get same answers from everyone. Most of them talk exactly what they have learnt in school and just quote from there. Don’t hope anything different. Ask different things to get different answers!

5. They will never invite you in their home or festival though you are working with them and know each other well for long time. If you want party, you have to invite them. Exceptions are not examples.

6. Don’t think that, if you stay in Finland for long time, gradually your friend circle will get larger. The chance is very little. I am 25 and have been living in Finland for more than 5.5 years and found only 2 /3 Finnish friends. I know many of my friends, who don't have any Finnish friend at all, though they have already spent 5 years of their life time here. So, if you want to be in a circle, better to maintain good relation with people who are from your country or any other country except Finland.

7. Don’t think that, this young Finnish people are different than the other one, most of the time all of them behave exactly same. Those who study at some university and speak 3 /4 different languages, even they will not come to you to talk first. I have noticed, middle aged Finnish people are the nicest one for foreigners! They always come first to talk. Will treat you as their nephew and will forgive your all kinds of mistakes and weaknesses of Finnish languages without much judgement (personal experience).

8. I won’t say Finnish people are racist, I have not faced any kind of racism since I am here. But, sometimes we don’t understand their way of behaving which may seem very rude.

9. I will say, Finnish people are not shy, “We are shy” is just an excuse to avoid talking with you.

10. Finnish people don’t talk about their personal achievement in life. If you talk more about that, it will be taken negatively and they will think, you are trying to show off. You achievements can be a great motivation for you to live, but keep it inside.

What I have written may not be same in all places and true for all, but I am talking from my own experiences. I am from south Asia. I have graduated from Finland. I lived in 3 different cities including Helsinki. Since summer 2010, I worked in 3 different places for 5 years. And now I am working in big company where I work with 60/80 Finnish people every day. I speak some Finnish.

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1. Why ask help if you want to talk?
2. being alone does not mean that one is lonely
4. schools should teach facts, if you want opinions ask for opinion
10. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protestant_work_ethic

[admit]

Sometimes people start small talk with strangers by asking some help. Like asking for lighters, cigarette or for some information that anyone can find easily from net. It's common and most people understands that.

I agree with you that, being alone doesn't mean one is lonely. But, I don't believe that this is the reality. Depression is very high among people in Finland which might be a caused of loneliness.

Thanks for your tips. From next time I will always ask for opinion.

[FinnGuyHelsinki]

That is a bit self-contradictory. On the other hand you're saying that Finns behave the same towards other Finns, but still talk about Finns treating foreigners differently.

The first issue I'd tackle is the terminology, "a friend", "knowing someone",... and what meaning those words carry. Finns generally consider a (good) friend someone with whom they have spent a lot of time together because they enjoy each others' company. Often this means they have known the person for several years. Having met a person regularly e.g. at work, school,... does not mean friendship in that sense, there has to be interaction outside of that circle. So, in order to be friends in the Finnish sense with someone, they genuinely have to like you.

[Adokas]

It is really interesting that you could made only 2-3 Finn friends in 5.5 years. I've mean, I'm going to move in Finland in 10 days but I already have couple of Finn friends. I've met them in Bucharest couple years ago, when I was backpacking, and we're still keeping in touch since then. Couple months ago, I was in Helsinki for 2 weeks and we had really good time together, of course I'm not saying they all should be friendly but 2-3 Finn friends in 5.5 years? Maybe you should consider your social behaviour, and try new strategies to interact with Finns.

[Marsh04]

@edokas

I think OP means "friends" when he says friends. Ask your Finnish "friends " the meanings of the words "tuttu, kaveri and ystävä".

[Adokas]

@edokas

I think OP means "friends" when he says friends. Ask your Finnish "friends " the meanings of the words "tuttu, kaveri and ystävä".

If he's looking for a BFF then it's a whole different story. If he's looking for a "kaveri" then it's up to him, he can try new places to meet new potential "friends", like an exhibition, a pub, etc...

[admit]

It is really interesting that you could made only 2-3 Finn friends in 5.5 years. I've mean, I'm going to move in Finland in 10 days but I already have couple of Finn friends. I've met them in Bucharest couple years ago, when I was backpacking, and we're still keeping in touch since then. Couple months ago, I was in Helsinki for 2 weeks and we had really good time together, of course I'm not saying they all should be friendly but 2-3 Finn friends in 5.5 years? Maybe you should consider your social behaviour, and try new strategies to interact with Finns.

Thanks for your tips my friend Adokas, the friendship you are talking about, I have finished those chapters long time ago. For chatting in online, I have hundreds of Finnish friends but unfortunately, I don't have that much time. First you come in Finland, study or work here and then talk more about this. I don't want to scare you about Finland, of course it's a nice country full of nice, helpful and beautiful people. There are thousands of good things. But here, social life is different. In my post, I din't want to talk bad things about Finland, I just wanted to give some characteristics of Finns behaviour which I have notice. I consider those as a part of culture and don't want to judge as good or bad. I am not much concern about my social behaviour as I have good friends from more than 8 different countries. And I met most of them here in Finland. Anyway, Tervetuloa suomeen !!

[burak25]

It is really interesting that you could made only 2-3 Finn friends in 5.5 years. I've mean, I'm going to move in Finland in 10 days but I already have couple of Finn friends. I've met them in Bucharest couple years ago, when I was backpacking, and we're still keeping in touch since then. Couple months ago, I was in Helsinki for 2 weeks and we had really good time together, of course I'm not saying they all should be friendly but 2-3 Finn friends in 5.5 years? Maybe you should consider your social behaviour, and try new strategies to interact with Finns.

Thanks for your tips my friend Adokas, the friendship you are talking about, I have finished those chapters long time ago. For chatting in online, I have hundreds of Finnish friends but unfortunately, I don't have that much time. First you come in Finland, study or work here and then talk more about this. I don't want to scare you about Finland, of course it's a nice country full of nice, helpful and beautiful people. There are thousands of good things. But here, social life is different. In my post, I din't want to talk bad things about Finland, I just wanted to give some characteristics of Finns behaviour which I have notice. I consider those as a part of culture and don't want to judge as good or bad. I am not much concern about my social behaviour as I have good friends from more than 8 different countries. And I met most of them here in Finland. Anyway, Tervetuloa suomeen !!

+1. Talking with someone does not mean you are friends with them. 3 years in here, full of social life and everything. Less than 5 Finns, I consider friends. Others are acquaintances. And trust me, I am very active in all social circles. Finns require an huge amount of input to get any basic response, and after certain age and situation, you just give it up. You say not worth my trouble. (even if that is not true, you say it...)

Sad but truth.