Child residence after divorce in case parents live in different cities

[mimimo]

Hello,

I have a 2 year-old son. We are separating. My ex-husband already has a new girlfriend. I got a job offer in another city, apr. 250km away from where my ex lives. He suggested that our son will stay with each parent for every 2 weeks (50/50). I just wonder that can a kid legally join 2 different kindergartens in 2 different cities? The only case I know this is possible is the 2 kindergartens are in the same district (kunta), but in my case, they are in 2 different districts.

My prefer would be him staying with me for 3 weeks and with his dad for a week (70/30), or weekend visitations for his dad since I want my son to establish hobbies and friend circle...

Has anyone been in this situation? What are your thoughts on the options in term of his age? Is he too young for changing the household every month like that?

[NukkuMatti]

Hello,

I have a 2 year-old son. We are separating. My ex-husband already has a new girlfriend. I got a job offer in another city, apr. 250km away from where my ex lives. He suggested that our son will stay with each parent for every 2 weeks (50/50). I just wonder that can a kid legally join 2 different kindergartens in 2 different cities? The only case I know this is possible is the 2 kindergartens are in the same district (kunta), but in my case, they are in 2 different districts.

My prefer would be him staying with me for 3 weeks and with his dad for a week (70/30), or weekend visitations for his dad since I want my son to establish hobbies and friend circle...

Has anyone been in this situation? What are your thoughts on the options in term of his age? Is he too young for changing the household every month like that?

Living 250km apart is not a workable situation for regular visits and it will be too confusing for the child to move every two weeks. This is how minds get broken in young humans.

My suggestion would be:

You should file for full custody of the child and have the father take him in (some of) the holidays.. especially because he is so young.
At an older age, this can change to the weekends. Unless you cannot provide for him alone (financially).
Just imagine the moment he goes to school, Then he cannot be in 2 schools at the same time.. so for a permanent solution, you should not move and let the job go, or he should accept the child is with you and he needs to visit / come get him in the holidays only..

I have a strong feeling this case will go to court and it will become a nasty divorce fighting over the child (like normally is the case in my circle of Finnish friends).

Court will in most cases deciding over custody, rule in favor of the mother anyway, full custody is financially better for you too, your ex will need to pay you child support as well. (elatustuki?)

Also remember that when you did not sign any prenup, everything he owns, half is yours...and yours is his..(although there are some exceptions but a lawyer can tell you all about that).

That said,I have been known to be (very) wrong so.... do not take my word for it.. just see it as a cautionary tale.

[ajdias]

Hello,

I have a 2 year-old son. We are separating. My ex-husband already has a new girlfriend. I got a job offer in another city, apr. 250km away from where my ex lives. He suggested that our son will stay with each parent for every 2 weeks (50/50). I just wonder that can a kid legally join 2 different kindergartens in 2 different cities? The only case I know this is possible is the 2 kindergartens are in the same district (kunta), but in my case, they are in 2 different districts.

My prefer would be him staying with me for 3 weeks and with his dad for a week (70/30), or weekend visitations for his dad since I want my son to establish hobbies and friend circle...

Has anyone been in this situation? What are your thoughts on the options in term of his age? Is he too young for changing the household every month like that?

Hi, AFAIK two weeks, and even one week, is too long for such a small toddler to be away from the primary caregiver. Weekends may work, but you'd have to be able to work with your ex to increase, over time, the amount of time the child spends with the father - you do want the child to have a present father in his/her life, right? I always look in awe when I see ex-couples spliting custody 50-50 and collaborating for their children best interest - fortunately not so uncommon nowadays.
Is there a chance for you to work remote part of the time? 250k may be a long distance for the child to be travelling regularly and not wanting to make you feel selfish, you must weight in this job opportunity with the stress that will impose in your life, and the life of child. As a primary caregiver (I am assuming you are) you may even be able to move out of town and take the child with you without consulting your ex, but does not mean you should. I've know of cases were one of the partners moved to lapland with the children, just to spite the other parent.

I would talk to a professional from the child services in your city, see if there are support group for associations that can offer any guidance.
Your chances of getting full custody are close to 0, unless there was some serious evidence to question your ex's capacity as a parent, so I would not bother with that route.

[FinlandGirl]

I have a 2 year-old son. We are separating. My ex-husband already has a new girlfriend. I got a job offer in another city, apr. 250km away from where my ex lives. He suggested that our son will stay with each parent for every 2 weeks (50/50). I just wonder that can a kid legally join 2 different kindergartens in 2 different cities? The only case I know this is possible is the 2 kindergartens are in the same district (kunta), but in my case, they are in 2 different districts.

It would not be workable for a kindergarten to have a place that is used only half of the time.

Has anyone been in this situation? What are your thoughts on the options in term of his age? Is he too young for changing the household every month like that?

At older (school) age it would not work at all.

My prefer would be him staying with me for 3 weeks and with his dad for a week (70/30), or weekend visitations for his dad since I want my son to establish hobbies and friend circle...

Do you want your ex-husband to be equally responsible for the upbringing of your child, or are you trying to push him out of the daily life of your son so that you can raise him alone?
By trying to move 250 km away with your son you are in practice saying that you want to raise your son alone.

How was custody agreed during the divorce?
If joint custody was agreed, you cannot change the place of residence of the child without the consent of the other parent.