Is not it strange?

[kristiinafin]

Now when Im moving to Helsinki after 20 days and need most of all some moral help and support, I discovered that I have no friends at all in my life.
It is so depressive. I had a bf in Helsinki for last 5 years and (ok I knew he had some "problems" in life and never said to me hei come to live with me), but even we are separated now for 5 months, was it so hard to give me advices on moving and help?
Yesterday I felt so bad when i talked to him.
He has car, money, connections. He lives there for last 17 years and knows (or should know) everything. And he knows Im totally alone, dont know Finnish and have noone to ask from advice. For the favour to meet me in harbor and take my clothes and books with car... he said no i cant do it, cause i have principle not to take any stranger´s stuff in my car, cause if poliisi stops me... bla bla.
ok. the i asked him to pay the deposit of 260 eur (it must be paid till 31.07.06 and the payment from estonia takes 3-5 days) and i will give it back to him, otherwise i can lose this one room that Hoas gave me so hard (i got it only yesterday, belive it or not, otherwise i would pay long time ago)... No, i cannot do it, you have to do it yourself.
Ok.
I asked him to collect the keys from Hoas office... no, i cant do it. was again the answer.
"even if you were my wife, im not obligated to help you or anyone. you must take reponsibilty for yourself 100%".
after those words i was in shock and now i dont want even to see him.
why i write all that here?
to ask : do i really want so much and ask so much from person who was very close to me all 5 years and who even yesterday said: i love you and if you need anything... those were just words i said to him.
i thought maybe im so stupid eastern europe girl who wants so much?
i need the keys because i have furniture to move to the room and i cant do it myself cause im working in Tallinn in bank everyday. i have appointments.
he didnt help my in anyting.
even information. i dontknow finnish i asked about taxation. he said go to find out in internet.
for what then friends are? or people in your life, why they are in your life?
i thought to support.
P.S. it was first time i asked him something for 5 years.


now i feel i hate him.

[Hank W.]

Well, no wonder I don't have a girlfriend because I was always too nice to people. Need to learn to be evil

[kristiinafin]

Well Hank, the same here because I helped him in anything he asked me, but seems that people´s memory is too short.
you know i just wonder how come. the person who says i love you and still wants to be with me back and says "anytime... whatever you need".
he is !"#¤%.
thats all i can say.

[Hank W.]

Well, my van is getting welded, and I don't have a green card for it, so I have an excuse not to offer help moving furniture. And paying money to/from Estonian banks with IBAN and SWIFT should work (as long as you avoid Hansapank that steals the money ) it should get there allright.

[kristiinafin]

well Hank, thank you but i didnt post the note here to get help. just to open the subject that people you might know for x years and think their are your friends, in reality are not!
and it is very bad.
of course i have arranged everything by muself, but this is not the issue. The issue is that my opinion about him changed and as the result i dont want to see him again anymore. never.

[Hank W.]

Ah, Helsinki is a small city

[enk]

Quite frankly, I'd dump him as he seems to be missing even the most
elemental aspects of behaviour that would be expected from a boyfriend
or even a friend.

-enk

[Vallu]

Your story has really touched me.
Unluckily, like you said, people's memory is really too short.
I think that, no matter if you were not with him any more, he should have helped you. It's not easy to move to another country and somebody in the new country knows you and has a car and money, this person should help you.
And he even still says that he loves you and....whatever you need!
My God....he is really odd!
You'd better not to see him again!
I wish you good luck! And I am really on your side, if this can help.....I hope this won't happen to me when I move to Finland in some months to join my boyfriend!

[Zeroth]

he said no i cant do it, cause i have principle not to take any stranger´s stuff in my car, cause if poliisi stops me...

He considers his gf stranger?? I would stop talking to this person even if he was just a friend.

P.S. it was first time i asked him something for 5 years.

This might have been the problem, you never discovered he was such a selfish person.

[Hank W.]

Not pertaining to any individual present - but as we "nice guys" have to sit alone and cry into the beer glass - I find it the fulfilment of karma.

A "nice guy" gets to carry the furniture, put in the lamps, but the next day he goes to ring the doorbell with flowers there is some other bloke opening the door.
Karma says: "I was not good enough - so you enjoy now what you preferred over me"

[zoltar]

What is it about girls coming here only to find out the dude is an £$€¤%&.

There was a girl who moved here a while back and he couldn't be arsed even to pick her up at the airport after flying 3500+ miles and 15 hours. He dumped her a few months later on xmas eve. Save yourself the grief and head back home as he either has another girlfriend or is looking for one since nobody treats someone they care for like that, even if they are a typical Finnish male.

[Vallu]

What is it about girls coming here only to find out the dude is an £$€¤%&.

Save yourself the grief and head back home as he either has another girlfriend or is looking for one since nobody treats someone they care for like that, even if they are a typical Finnish male.

I used thinking that way....before getting totally "blind" by love thanks to my Finnish boyfriend.
Don't think I am not scared of moving to Finland only because of a boy...but we are together for 3 years and half and we have lived together for one year in Italy....... I am scared especially after reading of how many couples split up after one moved to Finland.......
But you are right: if one treats you like that.....he really doesn't care.

[Hank W.]

I'd need to clean the flat... anyone want to fly over and dust it? I'll promise to pick you up at the airport and you can dump me - after cleaning but before starching my underwear.

[Vallu]

I'd need to clean the flat... anyone want to fly over and dust it?

[kristiinafin]

I knew he is selfish, but not as much!!!
you know it is so funny, even here some people without asking them send me note with advices and phone numbers and everything.
My friend whom i know few months only (now i know that he is real friend) has found for me job in helsinki!!! can you imagine? he doesnt know my for 5 years, but he recommended and found offers and arranged meetings. now he will help to look for apartment.
One women in other russian forum just drop me a note (when i asked them if they wanna get something from Tallinn like here) she said "hei i have vikingline gift card, i can give it to you." i asked how much. she said just smile.
can you imagine? person i even dont know!!!
and here..... 5 years and "cant take your stuff as i never carry even my sisters stuff in car cause im afraid"... sick!
or like he said yesterday: we didnt travel anywhere because you didnt have money (which is not truth, i could spend 300 eur if we would go), but imagine a person who says he loves me, gets over 10000 eur a moth, has own private plastic surgery clinics and works as hell in other tervisekeskus, said we didnt travel cause you didnt have money.
come on! was it about money or about being together, laying on the beach and hugging under the sun???
really speachless.
i never asked him for anything but i never thought he is like this.
i had now to do all by myself and the reason i asked for help was because im alone and i dont know finnish!
fine.
when he will be old and bold and sick, i will see who is going to take care for him.