Below are some basic rules that you must follow if you ever find yourself watching your children for several days in a row by your self.
Rule 67 (The Matted Cat Syndrome)
If one the children is a long haired four year old girl, you cannot allow the child to wash her own hair for several days in a row. She is not aware that she should use conditioner (for that matter neither was Dad). If you fail to follow this rule, three days later you have something that looks similar to a very matted cat. This will set back your daily schedule at least 45 minutes, of which time you have to listen to child wail like you are torturing her.
Rule 38 (Weapons of Mass Destruction)
While it does not appear that children actually use their pockets, I can tell you from first hand experience that they do. Make sure and check these unused storage compartments prior to placing the article in the washing machine. I cannot describe how far ½ of an orange crayon will spread after it is washed and then heated up in the dryer. Future hint, make sure you purchased the washable crayons, the ones you didn't think were necessary when you purchased them that very morning at Wal-Mart. This will set you back the cost of the load of clothing and at least 45 minutes to find what is left of the Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Rule 74 (False advertising)
While it will tell you on the box of diapers "up to 30 lbs", I assure you that they are referring to the weight of the child and not the weight of the cargo. I can guarantee you that these portable toilets can and will fill up at the worst possible moment. Like when the little angel is sleeping on your King size bed. Future hint, when they sleep more than 2 ½ hours, don't look at it as a blessing, wake the child up immediately and change the diaper. This will set you back 2 hours while you wash and dry the bedding on your own bed because of false advertising.
Rule 51 (Language Barrier)
Be sure that your spouse leaves you a translation table of the children's language before they go on vacation. This will save you a mass amount of frustration later on. When the two year old says "Sink", he does not want to wash his hands. Although he will every time you take him to the sink. He is more than likely trying to say Stink. In which you find out later that he was referring to wanting his diaper changed. Warning, if you fail to notice the signs he will take matters in to his own hands and remove the diaper himself. The contents of the diaper will not stay in the diaper, mainly because he will carry it by one corner to show you that he changed his own diaper. Do not be lured into following the trail and cleaning up that mess first. Concentrate your efforts on cleaning the child first as he is the immediate danger. He is still mobile and will continue to make an even bigger mess. You must then skip to the scene of the accident and work your way from there, I assure you the other children have already found the crime scene and will proceed to conduct their own investigation. This will set you back about ten minutes if you follow my directions. It will set you back 27 minutes and 33 seconds if you do not.
