Divorce Question

Flossy1978 · Post by **Flossy1978** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 9:55 am

If the person you are divorcing from has to pay child support. How much do you think they have to pay if they have a salary of 4300€ a month before taxes? When having to pay support, do they take into account the fact the primary carer of the child earns less than half what the non custodial parent earns?

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rinso · Post by **rinso** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:08 am

The income of the payer is not the main factor I think.
It depends also on the age and situation of the child, number of children.
Minimum I think is around €140,-/month. But you can negotiate a substantial larger sum. (you both have to agree on that amount, otherwise the judge will set a price)

Flossy1978 · Post by **Flossy1978** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:38 am

Oh god, that's so little. My son is 4 years old.

It takes way more than 140€ a month to raise a child. Wow....

meplusthree · Post by **meplusthree** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 11:39 am

The 140€ per month is about what you get from Kela for family allowance and single parent supplement. I think you would get a lot more than that in maintenance,eg. colleague was paying lot more than that somewhere around 800€ and he wasn't not earning huge salary.

You should contact the 'Lastenvalvoja' dept at you local council and make an appointment to visit with the ex to get the agreement put in writing and made official and legal, it includes details of the parents, where the child lives, who is main carer of the child, etc etc basically all details regarding the care of the child.

It is easier if you agree all the details with your ex before you go there, however they will help with any disagreements and I believe they can decide on the amount of child support the ex should pay if you cant agree between yourselves.

Flossy1978 · Post by **Flossy1978** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:19 pm

Thank you for all your help

I am fighting hard to keep my marriage. So I hope I don't have to actually need to go to that place.

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:36 pm

Friend of mine had to settle for 220 per child (2 children)
The ex had a good income, but refused to cooperate.
Finally a lawyer could raise it from 180 to 220, but it was a tough fight.

Flossy1978 · Post by **Flossy1978** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 2:53 pm

I guess I will just have to settle for whatever he gives if he does decide to leave me. I am not a strong enough person to fight with him.

ajdias · Post by **ajdias** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:22 pm

I think that the child allowance is calculated by estimating the needs of the child and then looking into the parents ability to pay.
There's a calculator at http://www.jaettuvanhemmuus.net/laskuri.xls based on the recommendations of the law. Please notice that the final value has no legal meaning, use it only for your own reference.

raamv · Post by **raamv** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:04 pm

Flossy1978 wrote:Thank you for all your help

I am fighting hard to keep my marriage. So I hope I don't have to actually need to go to that place.

i hope that things work out between y'all!!
As it is, Life in a foreign country is difficult..and add this on top...it gets really burdening..
Do keep your hopes high..expectations low !! and work things out for the better..
Good Luck!!

Oombongo · Post by **Oombongo** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 11:18 am

Wish you best of luck
I think keeping shopping receipts would be helpful to prove that money is going to kid

Flossy1978 · Post by **Flossy1978** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:38 pm

Thank you everyone.

I am having some kind of nervous breakdown and can't stop crying. But I am trying. I just don't know how to survive here alone. All I have is my husband and child. Maybe one or two other friends, not anyone close to me. No family, nothing.

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:45 pm

As a single mother you probably get new contacts that are in the same position.
Don't give up hope.

As for the child support; if your ex realizes you might leave the country with the children, (just because you have better chances elsewhere) he might be more willing to pay to keep you and his children in Finland.

Flossy1978 · Post by **Flossy1978** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:58 pm

Thank you again everyone.

I know that my husband can't leave right now. We just bought a house and other stuff, so time is on my side to try and make him want to be with me still. I am not perfect, but I am a pretty good wife who puts up alot with a man who works 12+ hours a day and who hasn't grown out the 'single' man phase of his life, even after almost 9 years together LOL. He's also a good man.

I've been the bank and got my finances in order, just incase the day comes that he really does say it's over.

I won't leave the country. My husband is a great Father, the best anyone could want for a child. He has already told me I can't leave the country with our son and I would never ever do that to him even though I am hurting so much and want to. Never, I am not an evil person.

raamv · Post by **raamv** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 11:33 pm

you seem to give in easily at least from the way that you are posting here..
The thing is to convince this wonderful dad of your son to start acting like one and stop behaving like a 17 yr old..
Most people who are in these kind of relationships tend to extend their "single" life for sometime in some way or another..
so its understandable..but 9 years is an overkill.
We know a Finn. friend whose hubby, also a Finn. that did that after 2 teenage kids and 2 infant twins..and he found himself outside the door after many attempts of sincere reconciliation..
I strongly suggest counseling ( it may sound degrading at first..but from what we know of many couples who had issues, Most seem to sort them out with counseling)..
and In FINLAND; there is NO excuse for a person to spend 12+ hours at work. simply cos there is no excuse for a dad to not spend their time with their kid where all the facilities are arranged ..One of my main reasons moving and living here..after giving up a very lucrative career..
Family comes first, rest comes later..

I mean, a person has 24 hours a day..take 10 hours for sleep, eating, ablutions etc etc. and then there's work and time for family, themselves,kids etc..
if you work for more than 12 hours, then the rest of the time left for family n kids and self is 2 hours??

Or the compromise for sleep!! either way Its not a good thing..
Sometimes I wonder why I schedule the time for my self for this advice...but then Its for helping people..so its ok!!

Hope you are also working and learning Finnish and starting to integrate...while the sun shines..
Good Luck and hope things work out between your family!!

che77 · Post by **che77** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:38 am

Flossy1978 wrote:Thank you everyone.

I am having some kind of nervous breakdown and can't stop crying. But I am trying. I just don't know how to survive here alone. All I have is my husband and child. Maybe one or two other friernds, not anyone close to me. No family, nothing.

Hi, im sorry you find your self in this situation. I can so totally relate to how your feeling. i am also a foreigner and currently going through a divorce. my life in finland had pretty much evolved around him and my work and i don't have a lot of friends either and i have absolutely no family here. it is a very lonely situation to be in. we were married for 8 yrs but my ex and i never had children so i guess that makes it less complicated coz we don't have to deal with child related issues. we've been separated now for 7 months and our divorce is nearly final. the beginning is always the most difficult part. back then i was an emotional wreck. i felt hopeless and dead inside but now i have come a long way emotionally. i can promise you it will get better. although i didn't want and still don't want to be in this situation, but now that i'm here its actually not that bad.

i don't have any advice about child support but please hang in there. i known its very hard but try to stay strong not just for your self but specially for your child. i hope you and your husband can work things out. if you feel like talking, feel free to PM me.

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